GOP wants Todd Akin out of Senate Race AND Constitutional Amendment Outlawing Abortion AND international skinny dipping

My bachelor’s degree might say cum laude on it (ladies*), but this doesn’t mean I’m especially intelligent.  I know this** because I don’t understand the GOP trying to yank Todd Akin out of a Senate race for saying stupid things about rape and pregnancy while simultaneously reaffirming their commitment to a Constitutional Amendment that outlaws abortion under any circumstances.  Also, skinny dipping is not a great idea if you’re a member of Congress…  well, they might have a handle on that one.

Still, I don’t understand what the GOP has in mind, so I’ll reexamine what I heard:

“It seems to me, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare,” Mr. Akin said of pregnancies from rape. “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. But let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work or something: I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be of the rapist, and not attacking the child.”

Akin said he’s staying in the race because “”We’re created by God for some special purpose,” (NYTimes) and I presume that Akin has never considered that his purpose is to point out to people what tremendous jackoffs they are to believe they have the right to tell someone how to live their life.  Even Karl Rove said there’s no way to recover from Akin’s statement – hence, the GOP wants him to drop out of the race, although I understand that by now, a court order would be necessary to remove him from the ballot, and I can’t imagine the GOP can get one because they believe Akin is an idiot.  (That’d be a fun court room to be in:  “But your honor, he’s a jackoff.  Surely you can understand our need to uphold a strict anti-jackoff policy?”)

Which brings us to Republican platform committee Constitutional Amendment that outlaws abortion under any circumstances.  So while it doesn’t specifically mention cases of rape or incest, “the unborn child has a fundamental individual right to life which cannot be infringed,” sounds pretty airtight to me.  I’m sure the GOP will say that they prefer each state to work out the finer particulars, but I’m not buying it.

So doesn’t “Akin has to go” sort of contrast with “no abortions under any circumstances,” at least a little?  You’d think that because the GOP was so outraged that someone said something so medically wrong about pregnancies as the result of rape that they’d want to specify their language a little, particularly since these two events happened with a day or so of each other… but whatever.  The GOP doesn’t vote until Monday on their updated platform, so maybe they’ll fine tune it before then, but I doubt it.

Oh right, I forgot about the skinny dipping!

Representative Kevin Yoder took his dick out and jumped into the Sea of Galilee (this is where Jesus is said to have walked on water) while on a trip with a bunch of other House Republican freshmen to Israel… you know, like one does.

“A year ago, my wife, Brooke, and I joined colleagues for dinner at the Sea of Galilee in Israel. After dinner I followed some members of Congress in a spontaneous and very brief dive into the sea and regrettably I jumped into the water without a swimsuit.”

House Speaker John A. “I keep my” Boehner “in my swim suit”*** apparently told Yoder (kinda sounds like an local dialectic take on ‘Yoda’) to not do stuff like that anymore, so at least the GOP seems to get that this isn’t the best way to represent America while overseas.

And yet, they’re doing such a great job at home.

*that one is going to cost me at home, believe me.
**you know this if you’ve read posts on this site before.
***at this point, I might as well just start putting sheets on the couch.
  my lady doesn’t like the crass talk.

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of, and editor in chief of

Posted on August 22, 2012, in Politics and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: