HOLLYWOOD: You can’t remake Red Dawn

How.  Fucking.  Dare.  You.

The classic 80s movie Red Dawn should not have been remade under any circumstances.  I have only seen Chris Hemsworth play Thor, and I think he did a great job (and frankly, I think the guy is going to be a huge star for at least the next decade), but this is just wrong.  There is no way this new, action adventure version of Red Dawn is going to come slightly close to capturing any of the realism/drama, emotion or plain dignity of the original.  This whole “The North Koreans have a super weapon!” plot and the fact that Hemsworth plays a marine completely ruins the entire “ordinary people in an extraordinary situation rising to the occasion” facet of the original film.  Instead, we get an “ultimate soldier and his rag-tag bunch of followers have to get the super weapon from the bad guy, who is a totally flat, uninteresting character.”  The bad guy in the original Red Dawn was interesting and had a lot of humanity, but you can tell just from the trailer that this guy is just going to be a standard schlock “Death to America!” sort of bad guy.  And this brings me to my ultimate point:  if they were going to change the heart of the movie, why bother calling it “Red Dawn” in the first place?  Just to try to get people my age or older into the theater?  Yet surely the studio did some market research before embarking on a multimillion dollar film and in doing so realized that no one in their right mind would want to see a remake of Red Dawn – right?  And the title doesn’t even make sense anymore!  The cold war has been over for TWENTY FUCKING YEARS!  (Not to mention the fact that the North Koreans can’t even develop the technology to hit the United States with a missile (and that technology is what… 50 years old?) – I’m supposed to believe they invented some sort of EMP doomsday device?  I wouldn’t let these guys hook up my home stereo!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

Now I can never yell “Wolverines!” with any passion again before (or after) I charge my enemies.

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on August 20, 2012, in movie review and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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