Jamie Translates the New York Post

I know the New York Post seems pretty straight forward, but it can be confusing.  Their online business model must be based on banner advertisement impressions (the number of times a banner ad loads on any page of their site), so that means they need to get their users to view as many pages as possible, which can lead to intentionally vague items on their home page so you’ll click to get to the article page… and then they’ll divide said article into multiple pages…

Like so!

(FYI, banner ads on CreativeJamie.com are valued on a per click basis, not an impression basis – I divide articles from the homepage to the article page to cut down on clutter and have as much content available on the homepage as possible.)

At times, you’ll see stuff like this on the New York Post’s homepage, and it requires some translation.

new-york-post-july-17-2012

The headline, “Fly Meals Needle Shock” is certainly confusing, but with the image of the jet in the background, we can infer that someone found a needle in an inflight meal.  We’re doing OK so far, but then we get to the sub headline, “FBI probes sharps found in sandwiches on 4 Delta US-bound flights” and now we’re confused.  We’re really going to have to get out our inferencing caps and arrive at the only conclusion we can:  ‘sharps’ is slang for ‘needle.’  What else could it be?  Unless this is just a case of the New York Post being intentionally cryptic, which we couldn’t discover without clicking and reading the full article.  Meaning:  maybe ‘needles’ weren’t found in sandwiches at all, but something ‘sharp.’  Or maybe it was sewing needles rather than a syringe.  I didn’t bother reading the article, so I don’t know the answer (as I hate being bated with cryptic shit), but from the information provided, we are only faced with more questions, which is the opposite of what most newspaper websites do for teases.  See, a tease is usually a short summary of the situation, like headline: “Moroni deported to Sweden” and sub headline:  “Claims he’s not from there.”  And if you want to know more about that story, you move forward, but at the NY Post – not so fast, me hardies!  The idea is, “Confused?  Keep clicking!  All will become clear, and you’ll generate banner impressions, which are revenue for us.”

Anyway, translation:  if you’re flying from overseas back to the United States, check the inflight food carefully before you eat it.

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on July 18, 2012, in observations and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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