An Open Letter To Gov Chris Christie Regarding NJ Homestead Benefit Program

Dear Governor Christie,

I hope this letter finds you well.  How are things at Drumthwacket?*

drumthwacket

*Drumthwacket is the actual name of the mansion that houses the Governor of New Jersey. I kid you NOT.

Things are not great at my house, which is why I’m writing to you today.  (Also because I missed you.)  You see, today, I got three form letters in the mail from the New Jersey Division of Taxation (Department of the Treasury in the house!) that explain I must return portions of my 2007, 2008 and 2009 Homestead Benefit Refunds in excess of $1200.

Given that our combined household income is below $70,000, I’m sure this is a clerical error that I can work out with the appropriate authorities, but I thought I should drop you a line and let you know what’s up.

See, I understand things are rough in New Jersey right now and our coffers aren’t exactly overflowing with treasure.  And all of those tax cuts probably don’t help matters any:

Panasonic received $102.4 million in tax credits to move its headquarters nine miles within New Jersey. Goya Foods picked up $81.9 million in credits to build offices and a warehouse in Jersey City, two miles from its current complex. Prudential Insurance obtained $250.8 million to move a few blocks to a new tower in Newark. [NYTimes]

I know you thought these were important things to spend money on, and I still want my garbage to get picked up and the cops to keep doing their thing, and the state can’t run without any funds, and the money has to come from somewhere…  I was just hoping it didn’t have to come from me, given that, you know, I don’t have any money and my property taxes are already a bizillion dollars.

I’m sure there are lots of ways to save and earn the state money.  Did you know New Jersey has the lowest gas prices in the United States?  I have no idea why that is – our state is tiny; it’s not like we have far to go.  People I know complain about having to drive anywhere that takes 20 minutes or longer to get to, but in most places in the US, it takes at least 20 minutes to get where they’re going.  I’m sure there are lots of other places in our various tax codes that could use a quick quirking, but I get that this is not your thing.  Maybe you could legalize gay marriage so we can get some of that gay marriage reception money they’re enjoying in Boston and New York. Maybe instead of sending me three separate bills that all arrive on the same day, you could consolidate that and save on money and postage.

image

Or you could sell your sailing barge!  To the right collector, I bet that would fetch a handsome price!

jabba-the-hutt-sailing-barge

Comes complete with translator and astro droids.

Thanks for your attention!

Jamie Insalaco

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on April 13, 2012, in observations and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Holy smokes! Are you an idiot?

    Just move.

  2. Well said Jamie!… and holy f#©k!! That is where you get to live if your the governor!!!

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: