4 Nominees The Republicans Won’t Approve For Dickish Reasons
Politicians in the United States generally only come in two flavors: Democrat or Republican.
If you’re a Democrat, I jump to the conclusion that by default, you’re a worthless human being who is rich, enjoys being rich and is not especially interested in making the world a better place. But, not being the total epitome of evil, you don’t hate the poor or the middle class and from time to time, you’ll throw the masses a bone or two.
But then there’s the Republicans. I’ve scraped better looking stuff off the bottom of my sneakers walking through a flooded parking lot full of porta potties after a Giants vs Cowboys game – in Dallas. Republicans don’t care about anyone about themselves – it’s not about governing, it’s about winning. To win, you must stomp your opposition into the ground by any means necessary over the course of every single contest, even when it comes to the fairly routine business of approving nominees for office. If the Democrats nominate someone, the Republicans have to reject them on principal, regardless of qualifications.
Nominee: Mari Carmen Aponte
Position: Ambassador to El Salvador
Republicans are rejecting because: Aponte’s former boyfriend, Roberto Tamayo, a Cuban-American insurance salesman, was reputedly attempted to be recruited by Cuban spies. The Washington Times says Tamayo was actually an informant for the FBI, but the Republicans don’t want to hear it. Providing the Republicans with Aponte’s FBI file has not changed anything as of yet, but you can’t expect the Republicans to trust some silly, liberal organization like the FBI. My favorite detail of this story is that Aponte and Tamayo broke up in 1994. When I was in 8th grade.
Nominee: Richard Cordray
Position: Consumer Financial Protection Bureau
Republicans are rejecting because: They don’t like the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau… which doesn’t actually exist, and therefore, hasn’t actually done anything yet. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau was approved by the Senate (with Republican support), but they don’t like the way it’s set up, so they won’t approve anybody until the organization they voted to create over a year ago is changed.
Nominee: Caitlin Halligan
Position: District of Columbia Circuit Court of Appeals
Republicans are rejecting because: The District of Columbia Circuit Court of Appeals doesn’t have enough cases to warrant her appointment. So there is a court in the United States that actually isn’t backlogged to hell and it’s the District of Columbia Circuit Court of Appeals? I don’t buy it.
Nominee: Adam E. Namm
Position: Ambassador to Ecuador
Republicans are rejecting because: Senator Marco Rubio of Florida announced he will block any nominee to the Foreign Relations Committee because he disapproves of the administration’s Latin America policy.
“I encouraged the Administration to seize these nominations as an opportunity to outline a plan to steer U.S. policy in the Western Hemisphere towards renewing America’s commitment to promoting democracy and free markets.
“But it has become clear that the Administration plans to continue business as usual in the region. This is unacceptable. Therefore, I will oppose these nominees in the Foreign Relations Committee, and reserve my right to block or vote against any other future Western Hemisphere nominees until the Administration takes meaningful action to change its policies.”
Really, Senator Rubio? Really? The Western Hemisphere? I’d like to take a moment in this space to encourage you to stop being a dick.
But he can’t because they can’t – it’s practically the Republican motto:
Other tag lines they considered where, “Ugh, the President is a black,” or “Our home page focuses on how the President is bad, not how we are good. Fast and Furious. Ha! That’s a movie reference! Did you idiots pick up on that? We specifically picked it for it’s mass appeal to idiots. Oh, please donate money while you’re here.”
The Democrats just take it because they can – what do they care? They never fight this sort of bullshit with the force it deserves. Instead, they just wander around muttering because they know people like me feel compelled to vote and will continue to vote for them as long as the alternative is a bat shit crazy person who spends too much of their time vetting the former significant others of people they are considering not hiring because when you jam a fork in the toaster while wearing a rubber glove, you need to have an excuse for breaking a perfectly operational household appliance. If that rambling is a little to theoretical for you, then I’ll just reiterate that as a politician, your job is to govern, not to win!
Now that we’re getting closer to the 2012 election year, I think it’s time for the Democrats to stop doing their usual defensive posture, stop fake trying to take the high road and instead, kick some ASS! It’s time to pick up an axe and ask, “Who’s with me?”
Do it, Barack!
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***Gail Collins wrote a much better column on the topic of Republicans not approving Democratic nominees last Friday. I highly recommend you read it because anything by Gail Collins kicks serious butt.