5 Things Herman Cain Deleted from his Sexual Harassment Denial Statement

I love this guy!

Herman Cain’s denial to this latest allegation of sexual harassment is one of the greatest things I have ever read.  Check it:

Activist celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred is bringing forth more false accusations against the character of Republican front-runner Herman Cain.  All allegations of harassment against Mr. Cain are completely false. Mr. Cain has never harassed anyone. Fortunately the American people will not allow Mr. Cain’s bold ‘9-9-9 Plan’, clear foreign policy vision and plans for energy independence to be overshadowed by these bogus attacks.

Wow.  Just wow.  No “We categorically deny these charges,” no discrediting the accuser, just hard (ha, hard!) facts, Herminator style!  Here’s what I got out of this:

1.  Herman Cain didn’t harass anyone, ever
2.  Herman Cain is the Republican front runner
3.  I (and other American people) will not let these bogus attacks overshadow Herman Cain
4.  Mr. Cain’s 9-9-9 plan is bold
5.  Herman Cain has clear foreign policy vision
6.  Herman Cain has a plan for energy independence
7. He’s the Herminator!

BEST STATEMENT EVER!

Being such a big Herman Cain fan, I have access to unreleased drafts of the statement. Here are my favorite 5 Things Herman Cain Deleted from his Sexual Harassment Denial Statement.

1.  It’s not sexual harassment if I do it, because I do it right
2.  Bitches love me
3.  I’m the Herminator!
4.  If women didn’t want me to grope them, they’d surround themselves with a 20 foot high electrified fence with barbed wire at the top and include a sign in English and whatever the hell language I speak that reads, “The liberal media will kill you!”
5.  My book, This is Herman Cain! is still on sale and is selling like hot cakes!

UPDATE:
ah, now he’s attacking the accuser’s credibility: “a woman with a long history of severe financial difficulties, including personal bankruptcy.”
He was on Jimmy Kimmel last night and announced tonight’s press conference and he said two things that are awesome all in the same sentence: “I will talk about any and all future firestorms, because here’s one thing people don’t know about Herman Cain: I’m in it to win it.”

1. referring to yourself in the 3rd person is awesome
2. “I’m in it to win it” What is the guy, a lottery?

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About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on November 7, 2011, in lists, observations and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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