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Monthly Archives: May 2011

Groundhog photos

I held a caption contest for these photos of the groundhog, who I’ve seen for years, but never been able to get a photo of till now – so please excuse the poor quality of my cell phone camera and the fact that the photos were taken through glass.  The only responses I got came from Wayne Campbell, Cletus Delroy Spuckler and Homer Simpson.

groundhog

“Land monster.”

homer-simpson-garden-of-eden– Homer Simpson

“Hey, what’s going on on this side?”

cletus-the-slack-jawed-yokel-Cletus Delroy Spuckler

groundhog

“Extreme closeup!”

waynes-world-2-wayne-Wayne Campbell

For more of my views on groundhogs, click here.

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Religous Fiction Section

religous-fiction

If I was the proprietor of a system entirely based on faith and had to deal with a bunch of a-holes writing fictional works based off my sacred text, I would be PISSED!

Or, if you’re an atheist, you probably think this picture is funny as hell.  (In this context, I think “funny as hell” is a pun, no?)  Quick aside (since we’re in the book store, let’s talk about words) – the rule you were taught in school was “i before e, except after c,” but not in the case of atheist, huh?  Is that because someone decided the word itself was unholy and had to defy both God and the rules of grammar?  That’s one extreme word.

Why People Thought The Rapture Was Coming

a-shore-thing-snooki

If you walked into a book store and saw this, what would you think?

In the interest of being thorough, I watched an entire episode of The Jersey Shore, and besides being a complete and total waste of my time, it was immediately obvious that none of the cast members (or whatever you call people on a reality show) were from New Jersey as per their EXTREMELY THICK NEW YORK CITY ACCENTS, but whatever.  Excuse me for expecting a show called “The Jersey Shore” to be populated by people from New Jersey, but I guess that’s presumption on my part – it merely takes place at the Jersey shore.

The fact that a cast member (never mind the one called ‘Snooki’) wrote a book (or more likely, had someone ghost write it for her) isn’t one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse, but it damn well should be.  Nevertheless, no rapture.  Maybe if The Situation hooks up with Ark Music Factory and drops a fresh jam, well… that might push us over the top.

Five Reasons The Rapture Won’t Occur On May 21, 2011

I’ve never been a big fan of end of days theories (or End of Days, for that matter), but this time, I’m sure it’s not going to happen tomorrow, on May 21, 2011. Here are five reasons I’m not worried and why God will let the earth continue to spin:

  1. God wants to see how Celebrity Apprentice ends
  2. God wants to see if the NFL is going to go on strike or not
  3. God has a passing interest in the NBA and NHL finals, but thinks they’re both one round too long
  4. God appreciates how much I want to see the Captain America movie this summer
  5. God is enjoying Conan O’Brien’s new show on TNT and can’t bare the idea of Coco going off the air again

But, if it does happen – well, there you go – I was wrong. I’m spending the day with my girlfriend anyway, and that’s what I’d do if I was a believer, so whatever – except we probably wouldn’t be going to Home Depot if we thought the rapture was coming.

“Ah-ha! The garbage cans are in the outdoor section… Is that Jesus? Oh never mind; it’s Joaquin Phoenix.”

Pirates Are Bad For You

If you frequent the blog enough, you know that my girlfriend and I are fond of vacationing at Walt Disney World.  The last time we went, she pointed out a child to me on the other side of the thoroughfare. Read the rest of this entry

Why The Toronto Rock Are Named After A Rock

the rock

No, not THAT Rock, the Toronto one...

The Toronto Rock is a professional lacrosse team that plays in the NLL – and they’ve the 2011 NLL Champions, whatever that means.  There’s an entire professional lacrosse league hiding right under your nose.

If you’re like me and not from Connecticut and don’t know what lacrosse is, it’s this game that looks a lot like hockey, just with no ice and skates, and instead of hockey sticks, you use lacrosse sticks and catch the ball in a glove-pocket type deal, but otherwise, it’s the same idea.  We even had our own team right here in New York – The Titans, but that’s over now, for obvious reason:  we have 3 hockey teams in the area, they couldn’t market their way out of a paper bag, and of course,  it’s lacrosse.  Bet you didn’t know that!    Yesterday, I watched the Washington Stealth play the Toronto Rock.  Great team names, huh?  There’s nothing stealth about a guy in lacrosse pads, and the rock… uhm… let’s think about this for a minute.

Here are some possibilities as to why The Toronto Rock were so named:

  • A kid picked it
    • They let a kid pick the name, and he advocated calling the team the Toronto Rock, Paper, Scissors, but was told he could only pick one, to which he replied, “Then I’ll pick rock.  Good old rock – nothing beats rock!
  • The owner loves to get his rocks off
    • Who doesn’t?
  • The owner loves crack cocaine
    • Again, who doesn’t?
  • The owner’s ancestors came to North America via Plymouth Rock

    the rock

    Still not the right rock

    • Pilgrim style.
  • The owner loves The Rock
    • He has a Tooth Fairy poster in his office.
  • The owner loves The Rock
    • When you walk into the building, he favors you with his best Sean Connery impression:  “Welcome to the Rock.”
  • Prudential owns the team.
    • They own the team, so why not market their… uhm, marketing?  You know, as a way to increase their branding visibility with lacrosse fans.
  •  “Dish me the rock!”
    • If lacrosse was played in the hood, obviously, the lacrosse ball would be called the rock, so it’s an obvious reference to that slang, which will hopefully attack basketball fans.

That’s all I’ve got so far. Thoughts?

toronto rock

Ah, there they are!

Thor movie review

stars-three

I’m ready to explain my feelings on the Thor movie, and it’s all spoilers from here.  Also, I’m going to smash it into tiny pieces – yet, I liked this film.

spoiler alert

The following will spoil the movie for you.

I think the trailer actually did a better job of setting up the story; it would have been more interesting to have the movie continue on with the story on earth and then tell how Thor ended up on earth in flashback, but whatever.  Like Daredevil, maybe I’ll re-edit this movie someday.

I’m sure there is a way to review this movie without spoiling it for you, but I’m a big fan of comic books, so that’s just not going to work for me.

Much like the Incredible Hulk, Thor is a gigantic setup for The Avengers movie at it’s core.  Sure, it may look like this movie has interesting things to say, but I feel like I just sat through something that could have been summarized in five minutes during the first act of The Avengers – yet I was never bored.  I don’t have any explanation for that contradiction. Read the rest of this entry

Ideas for Improving Walt Disney World: EPCOT Edition – Enter The Mighty Thor!

NOTE:  for the rest of my Disney World posts, click here.

Since I was a kid, the improvements to EPCOT have been drastic.  Think about it from a child’s perspective (or anyone under the age of 21, for that matter); what was there to do in EPCOT as recently as the 1990s?  Not a whole lot.  The Disney Imagineers or whoever the hell obviously figured this out, because they went to work:  they added Test Track, Mission Space and they imported Soarin’ from California Adventure, as well as adding character meeting places, Turtle Talk with Crush, and that Nemo thingy that used to be educational.  However, they still have that one farming thingy where they’re like, “See those fish we’re farming?  You can eat some of their brethren later!”  That always rubbed me the wrong way. Read the rest of this entry

The Death Of Bin Laden: Leave Captain America Out Of It

From The New York Times:

new-york-times-captain-america-osama-bin-laden-dead-world-trade-center-site

"Only in New York, I guess."

Huh.  Captain America in the house.  Let’s take a closer look…

  • A goatee?  Are you serious?  Maybe it’s Boston Red Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis under the cowl of the Star Spangled Avenger.  Or some other loser, whatever.
  • The caption reads, “A crowd member dressed as Captain America joined the celebration at the World Trade Center site in New York early Monday morning.”  I don’t think carrying a shield, wearing a mask and a t-shirt with Cap’s picture on it necessarily expresses the sentiment of dressing up like someone anymore than those cheap smock Halloween costumes from the 80s did.  And those masks that fastened to your head with a rubber band hurt like hell – especially when the rubber band inevitably snapped.
scrappy-doo-costume-smock-1980s

"Puppy Power!"

  • As a life long reader of Captain America comic books (yes, I’m a dork; I have every issue ever published of Captain America dating back to April of 1968), I can assure you that the following actions that would never be taken by the fictional character, Steve Rogers:
    • attending a rally of any kind in costume, unless he was doing crowd control or trying to reason with a group that appeared to gravitating toward violence
    • attending a rally that celebrated someone’s death, even an enemy’s
    • killing the bad guy; Rogers’ concept of justice has been clearly spelled out over the last 45 or so years – Cap arrests the bad guys so they can stand trial – it’s how he rolls (if anyone retorts with Captain America #321, Volume 1, you’ve a bigger dork than I am – and if you bring up Ultimate Captain America… well, we can have a futile argument about that in the comments sections)

The death of Osama Bin Laden has been something I have not wanted to comment on in this space, but once the New York Times brought Cap into it (or once the goatee guy did), I guess it sorta forced my hand.  Cap is a fictional character, and a rare one – unlike any other super hero I can think of, he was created to confront actual people and real events – it’s no accident that the first issue of the original Captain America Comics series from World War II features an image of Cap punching Hitler in the face.  Yet he’s not real, and to start waving the shield around at an event like this seems wrong, and to publish a photo of someone doing it feels cheap.  Captain America has come to stand for something very specific – he’s the moral compass of the Marvel Universe, not a hit man.

Nevertheless, I strongly support President Obama’s decision in this matter.  Just because I don’t want to wave the flag around doesn’t mean I don’t think this was the right thing to do.  (It’s also one of those rare moments where a president came through on a campaign promise.)  Trying Bin Laden would have been a cluster-@!#?@!, and if you wanted to make the argument that Bin Laden didn’t deserve a trial, I don’t agree, but I’m not willing to argue the point.

Captain America is a symbol for everything that is right about the American way – truth and justice for all, no matter what.  Things don’t always work out that way, and the probably shouldn’t – that’s reality.  Cap is fiction – so do me a favor and leave him in the funny papers where he belongs.

New York Film Academy Ad Gives Dorks Hope Of Meeting Women Who Will Understand Them

Look at this ad.  Just look at it!

new-york-film-academy-ad-gives-dorks-hope-of-meeting-women

"Say, after we're done here, would either of you be interested in seeing the inside of a van? Wait, where are you going?"

You’ve got a female camera operator, a female assistant director holding the clap board and the director… well, I’m pretty sure he’s the comic relief character on “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody on Deck” or whatever the hell that show is called these days.  But seriously, when else would young ladies who look like that ever hang out with Sir Dweeb Fro-A-Lot?  Look at his face!  He knows it!  In fact, he knows that as soon as the shoot is over, he’s going back to his dorm room to resume being sad.

Just like this kid goes back to his dressing room in between takes and does another line – just trying to make it through the day.

Matthew-Timmons-Woody-Fink-suite-life-on-deck

"This episode was really existential for me."

If you want to learn about film, maybe go to New York Film Academy – you might learn something, I have no idea.  What I am telling you is that if you look like that kid, going to NYFA is not going to help you score with the ladies.

Recycling and Reusing By the Numbers

I feel guilty about not doing an Earth Day post, so let’s get our plastic on!

Even you live somewhere that doesn’t have a recycling plan (if that’s the case, then hopefully you’re a time traveler from the past who thinks this internet doo-dad is a real marvel), you’re no doubt aware that there is this concept called recycling and that a lot of folks participate.  What do we recycle?  Well, there’s paper, cardboard, cereal board, plastic, glass and tin – just to name a few.  Most recycling is pretty straight forward, but plastic can be tricky.

the-graduate-plastic

Takes more than one word to understand...

What’s the deal with plastic, anyway?  Apparently, sometimes you can reuse it and other times you can’t; sometimes you can recycle plastic and other times you have to throw it in the trash.  What the shiz is that about?  This confuses the hell out of me, but I’m starting to get a handle on it.  It all comes down to the numbers of the packaging.

Yeah, numbers.  I shizzing HATE numbers!  Numbers are a pain in the ass.  However, no mathematical computations are necessary here, so I can relax a little bit.

So yeah, there are numbers (or at least there usually are) on plastic; whether they’re bottles or containers, you’ll find a number inside a triangle.

recycle-symbol-numbers

These numbers actually mean something.  Frankly, I never noticed there were numbers there to begin with; I just always thought that the triangle-thingy meant this was a plastic product I could recycle, but no…  The number seems to tied into what type of plastic the vessel is made out of, which is entirely too technical for me to bother with, so all that one really needs to know is what this means for your particular area’s recycling program.

In my area, I can only put out items marked with the 1 and 2 in the recycling triangle seal thingy for curbside pickup.  That’s it.  Everything else goes in the garbage.  It’s a drag, but the local Whole Foods has a bin for plastic 5.  My town also doesn’t take cereal board boxes that go in the freezer – boxes that frozen food comes in.  For some reason, they can’t recycle those.  Don’t know what the deal is there; something about the coating on the box…

But back to plastics:  as far as I can tell, it sounds like you can reuse most plastics, but don’t quote me on that, nor should you stake your health on anything I’m saying here.  Do your own research!  So for most plastics (1 through 6), you can just wash them and you’re good to go.  However, it is apparently very hard to get those plastic water bottles clean, whether you wash them by hand or put them in the sink, and the necessary heat to sterilize them would compromise the plastic’s integrity anyway, and you don’t want to be ingesting that junk.  So yeah, I’m guessing that you don’t want to try sterilizing your disposable water bottles with boiling water.  However, I would guess that you could just throw them in the freezer over night – I can’t imagine that any bacteria inside the bottle could survive temperatures below freezing, but what do I know?  So bottom line, just recycle the bottles, it’s not worth the effort.

But then there’s plastic number 7 – my understanding is that you do NOT want to reuse these fellas under any circumstances and you should just toss them after use.  Don’t screw around!  However, I’ve been checking lately, and I seem to live a number 7 free existence…  or so I think!  From what I’ve read, I think plastic number 7 breaks down, which is probably good for the environment (or maybe just landfill space…), but bad for reusing for human consumption because you end up ingesting the plastic.

So what did we learn today?

  1. Just because it’s plastic doesn’t mean you can recycle it
  2. Not all plastics are reusable
  3. I have no legal responsibilities for what you choose to do with this information; do your own research!

Plastic isn’t out to kill you – it’s our friend.  We just have to manage it properly.  Recycle and reuse when we can, discard when we can’t, try not to use it at all when it falls into the later category.

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