Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark – It’s Not Funny Anymore
Now we’ve all had a good time making fun of Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark since we heard about it in the early 2000s and it only got funnier when they took over the Foxwoods Theatre way back in 2007 (was it even called the Foxwoods Theatre back then?) and nothing happened. Finally, $65 million dollars and many years later, the show was slowly sputtering toward an opening date in late 2010, which is now set back to February 2011, even after a concussion and two broken wrists, which is when everybody stopped smiling. Now, another actor got hurt while performing the Spider-Man musical, and ‘it’s not funny any more’ kinda goes without saying. I haven’t been able to find anything too concrete, by right now the NY Times is saying the actor, “sustained broken ribs and suffered some internal bleeding.” When EMS brought him out of the theater on a stretcher, “He acknowledged the crowd, which clapped for him before an ambulance took him away,” so at least he was conscious and although no one is saying so yet, it sounds like he’ll make a recovery, but this is just too much. I can’t even make off color jokes about this – there’s risky and then there’s dangerous. How many more accidents are they allowed to have before this show gets shut down? This is at least their third injury, if not the fourth – are we playing t-ball five strike rules? (OK, I had one crappy joke in me.)
But it all comes down to the money, doesn’t it? There’s just too much money invested in Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark and I’m starting to think that nothing short of a death will stop this thing. I don’t think I’m getting carried away, either; big budget Broadway blunders (say that three times fast) usually account for when they can’t get Titanic to sink or the helicopter in Miss Saigon to fly, but this is different. People are getting hurt and I can’t imagine the stress this is putting on the folks involved, not to mention the damage to their careers. I know I’m asking a lot when I say, “Hey, the show sucks from a creative standpoint and everybody knows it, and people are getting hurt – it’s time to shut this down,” but miracles can happen. It’s the holiday season! If you pray, then pray they shut this down; it’s the miracle 42nd Street desperately needs.