The Expendables movie review

Ah Sylvester Stallone; is there anything he can’t do?  He directs, he writes, he acts – and he’s 64, but still jacked.  Wasn’t his character supposed to be over the hill in Rocky?  This time, he’s
assembled a cast that would strike fear in the heart of any evil do-er in The Expendables.

Oh, spoilers from here on out.

Who are The Expendables?  Only the roughest, toughest actors, former wrestlers, body builders, martial artists, oh, and He-Man, damn it!  I read somewhere that Stallone wanted Jean-Claude Van Dam for this movie, but he had to settle for Dolph Lundgren – settle?  Settle for the real Punisher? Oh hells no.  I don’t play that shiz.  Anyway, rounding out the cast of action stars is Jason Statham, Jet Li, Steve Austin, Mickey Rourke and… Terry Crews?  Sorry, Terry; I’m not familiar with your work, but at least I know who you are – as opposed to whoever the other guy was.

As I mentioned before, Stallone leaves nothing to chance as he stars, directs and co-writes, and he delivers exactly what he promised with a movie that reminds me more of Commando than any Stallone movie I can think of.  I won’t bother recounting the plot for you, so check it out here if you desire.  The first and second act have plenty of action, but the third act is just over the top explosions and violence, and I don’t mean that in a bad way.  Stallone isn’t trying to reinvent the wheel here or change the world – in fact, it’d be easier to make an argument that  he’s trying to blow up the world, because the climax of this movie literally shook the theater I saw it in.  The room was shaking, or maybe it was just my head from the surround sound explosions!

I haven’t seen a movie like this in a long time.  The plot wasn’t so dumb that I couldn’t concentrate on the movie, the acting was fun and light hearted (accept Mickey Rourke, he’s the man – his big scene, all shown in close up, maybe one take?  awesome!), and the action just kept coming.  Maybe there was some corny moments, and I could have done without that outro  featuring ‘The Boys are back in town,” but its a solid action movie.

Two things I’m confused about:

First, why was this movie called The Expendables?  None of the expendables die!  I suppose they’re considered expendable by their employers and they have it written all over their motorcycles…  I didn’t get that.

And second, why the hell do I know who the hell Steve Austin is by site?  I checked out his IMDB and I’ve never seen a thing he’s done.  My girlfriend pointed out the high volume of pay per view wrestling commercials we’re seen featuring Stone Cold (again, why do I know that?), and maybe that burned him into my brain.  Whatever, he’s mostly scenery in this movie as he stands around and looks menacing, but he does it well.  And he’s still jacked.  Very, frighteningly jacked.

If you want to relax and enjoy violence for a an hour or so, you’ll like The Expendables.  If you watched the trailer and were appalled, I guess I owe you a new monocle.

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of CreativeJamie.com, BomberBanter.com and editor in chief of ComicBookClog.com

Posted on September 2, 2010, in movie review and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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