Toilets are stupid

toiletThe modern flush toilet’s initial design is attributed to Sir John Harington in 1596 and others have made variations on it since then.  After a quick check of the home improvement websites, I learned that the average toilet uses between 1 and 2 gallons of water per flush – on average, 1.5 gallons.  These new dual flush toilets have both a lower flow flush (about 1 gallon) and a standard flush (that same average of 1.5 gallons) – that’s just poor design.  I’m not a plumber, and I’m certainly not schooled in the necessary mechanical fields to build this, but somebody really needs to build a better toilet that uses less water.

What’s a toilet for?

That’s an easy one:

  1. move liquid waste
  2. move solid waste

But we’ve hit a red flag already, and a prime place to save water:  old number one is liquid waste… so we’re moving liquid waste with water?  This is necessary why?  I don’t get that.  Wouldn’t, I don’t know, gravity move things along well enough?  Or maybe a pneumatic system using compressed air could suck things along?  Sure, we need water to move our friends number 2 along, I get that, but water moving water?  That just sounds dumb to me.

My improved toilet needs the following controls:

  1. fill tank
  2. fill bowl
  3. release water in bowl

We’ve already got most of this technology in our homes, offices and public toilets… and… wait for it… isn’t this pretty much how toilets in RVs, trains and planes work?  What the hell are we doing?  I know water represents most of what’s happening here on earth, but do we really have to make as much of it as filthy as possible?  I don’t want to end up like Kevin Costner in Waterworld, recycling my own urine for drinking.  That would suck, right?  Also, my toilet water seems to be using fresh water – water that we could otherwise be drinking.  What the shiz is that?  Can’t we use what I think is referred to as brown water, which I believe means its already been used by people for showering or something?

Somebody with a brain get on this.  My toilets are stupid.  Or in the meantime, use that lovely rhyme I learned:  if it’s brown, flush it down; if it’s yellow, let it mellow.  That’ll save some water and freak out the squares, so it’s win freaking win, baby!

About Jamie Insalaco

Jamie Insalaco is the author of, and editor in chief of

Posted on July 30, 2010, in observations and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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