How that I’ve lost somewhere between 10 and 15 pounds, I’m coming down from the mountain top to share with you (yes, you!) the secrets of my success. Will they work for you? I have no idea. Are these the reasons I’m losing weight? Again, no clue. But here’s what I’m doing. Read the rest of this entry
In my lifetime, Disney has been very “be a pirate even though they’re the bad guys” and “sell your soul for a man, little girls!” but in the past, Disney sung songs in my tune.
101 Dalmatians has a super subtle message regarding the fur industry. It’s subtle, right? And it was only 1961, too! Disney was so progressive back then… Now all we get is a rehashing of Hamlet over and over again. Well, probably only the two times, but I’m sure you see my point. Disney isn’t exactly out there tackling income equality, but I suppose they deserve credit for distributing Wall-E.
Everything else got rebooted, and in 2011, it was Planet of the Apes turn. I did like this movie, but it contains absolutely no surprises. Did you watch the trailer? That’s as good a summary as any.
I liked the allusions to the original: Caesar, Bright Eyes, “Get Your Paws Off Me, You Damn Dirty Ape,” all that stuff was fun. I have no idea where Andy Serkis ends and digital animators begin, but the performance is excellent. James Franco… you know, it’s James Franco. He’s a fine actor, but he’s just very James Franco. It was fun to see John Lithgow do his thing, particularly doing something I’d never seen him do before.
The pacing is a little slow… I thought for sure this movie was over two hours, but it actually clocks in at 1:46. The bad guys are all super flat an uninteresting, especially the jerk and the ape reserve… it does help the audience cheer for Caesar, because you do want him to triumph over the bad guys, but then, it seems like you’re supposed to cheer for James Franco, and there’s really not much to cheer about as the movie goes on.
Not only does this movie not doing anything super risky (although I did appreciate the strong animal rights message) or surprising, it’s very clear exactly how the next sequel will go. You can tell exactly how humanity will fall and the apes will take their place as the dominate species on the planet, so we can’t expect any surprises in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, either.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes is what it promises – no more, no less. I liked it, but I certainly didn’t love it: I’m giving it a 7 out of 10. It does a lot of things right, but it’s kinda plodding and takes no risks.
For the most part, I’m a big fan of the DC Comics Animated Universe. It’s almost all gold, but this time, they kinda blew it. I wouldn’t say Son of Batman is boring, but since none of the characters are especially interesting, it just kinda plods along to its inevitable conclusion.
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Sorry I’m late on my Easter Wishes for everyone. I hope you had a fun day, full of Batman Easter Eggs, Bunny Cakes and maybe even watching Easter Parade… but not Hop. I cannot stress that enough – do not watch Hop.
While the candy on the top of the cake is probably not vegan, the cake itself certainly is, featuring multi-colored coconut on top! This is my mom taking it to the next level after her first success (see the above ‘Bunny Cake’ link). It was both beautiful and delicious! The cake recipe comes from the giant Veganomicon cookbook.
I found out about lime Tortilla chips some time before I became vegan and, as it turns out, all of the big brand lime corn chips include dairy, so that doesn’t work for me. Fortunately, Laurel Hill hooked it up – so, I no longer have to live a lime Tortilla chip free existence. Not exactly a tragedy, I know, but if you’re vegan and you like snacks, then you know where I’m coming from. A good snack is hard to find, and Laurel Hill’s Lime Tortilla Chips are worth trying.
My vegan homeboys,
I am currently rockin’ new kicks: Saucony’s Jazz Low Pro Vegan sneakers. They seem to run around Nike sizes (I find that my shoe size fluctuates across brands… maybe that’s just me… I’m anywhere from a 9 to an 11), and I’m very happy with the fit and overall comfort. Not much to report, just thought I’d mention it. It’s hard to find vegan sneakers, and I didn’t even find these myself – Dr. Girlfriend is also sporting a pair, so we’ve doubled down on Saucony.
It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it – and I gotta say, Gardein’s Ultimate Beefless Sliders are pretty darn good. They remind me of those frozen White Castle burgers I used to eat when I was a kid – but less greasy. These burgers aren’t super dry, but I definitely recommend adding your favorite condiment. The box has some nutritional information, but it also says it’s vegan, and that’s good enough for me!
These bad boys get my recommendation – I’ll have to check out their chicken sliders soon, so stay tuned for that.
Oh Hai, Hunters!
It’s me, Jamie! We don’t know each other, but I wanted to drop a line anyway. You see, as a non-hunter (a vegan, actually), I realize that we’re never going to get along, but I do have one question I want to throw your way:
I don’t understand the way you folks dress. I see that you’re wearing camouflage because you’re in the woods and you want to blend in, but you’re also wearing orange jackets so other hunters don’t shoot you, so… wait, let me start over.
The purpose of wearing camouflage is to blend in with the environment. Since you’re in the woods, you’re wearing that classic green, brown, black whatever print… but wait, who are you trying to avoid? Not the other hunters – because the orange vest is the official “Don’t shoot me, I’m a person” uniform of the woods, so why not just wear all orange? Because then Tommy Lee Jones would shoot you, I guess. But the vest breaks up your camo… this is like some kind of broken logic loop. I don’t get it.
But then, deer aren’t exactly the most elusive of creatures (I mean, come on, where’s the challenge in that? These guys can’t even figure out how to cross the street!), so I guess fashion sense is just the least of our misunderstandings.
We visited Dorney Park and Wildwater Kingdom this past weekend – this was my first time there and for the most part, my observations are based on a comparison with Six Flags Great Adventure. Let’s dive in: Read the rest of this entry
I have a problem with Animal Kingdom in concept (which I’m sure I’ll address when I do my Things to Improve Animal Kingdom piece) as essentially, it’s a zoo, and I don’t care for zoos. On the other hand, I do like Thrill Rides, and as anyone whose been on it knows, Expedition Everest is a lot of fun, so I can’t bypass the park all together, and a brotha’s gotta eat. Let’s take a look at what a vegan can have at the Kingdom! Read the rest of this entry
I’ve been to Downtown Disney maybe three or four times in its existence and I’m not sure if I’ve ever given it a fair shake and spent more than a few hours there, but, to be frank, I’m not sure it deserves one.
My biggest problem with Downtown Disney is the design: it’s a long strip rather than a location with a heart, which creates a lot of unnecessary walking on a vacation that is already walk heavy. For me, the stores are small and don’t feature many items and there is a serious lack of bars. The bars we found were small or outdoors, and when it’s a million degrees out in Orlando, you’ll find yourself making a deal with the devil for an air-conditioned bar. The restaurants are nothing special (mostly chain restaurants, if not entirely chains) and if you’re vegan, you’re pretty much screwed if you want an actual meal. We were lucky to stumble upon a falafel burger, which was available in the same building as Baby Cakes, the vegan bakery. (Like wanderers in the desert who’d come upon fresh water, we must have purchased a dozen or so assorted donuts, cakes and breads. It was glorious!) Even though there didn’t seem to be many people around, it always felt crowded – some of the walkways are very narrow. Read the rest of this entry
We recently visited Disney’s Hollywood Studios (aka The Artist Formerly Known as MGM) and perused the vegan dining options. Here’s what we found:
The Brown Derby
Though pricey, TheBrown Derby had an excellent vegan option in a noodle bowl that was topped with a piece of coconut incrusted tofu. I could have used a bigger piece of tofu (the tofu was really excellent, and I wouldn’t call myself a guy who loves tofu), but the noodles and the sauce that accompanied them were great, so I had no trouble eating that. Our waiter was knowledgeable and understood what we meant by ‘vegan’ to the point that he even brought us oil and balsamic vinegar rather than butter when the bread showed up. Again, two entrees and two beers cost us a small fortune, but the food was great. Read the rest of this entry
I’ve tried a few different Vegan Buffalo Chicken brands, and if you ask me, they’re all about the same. This one is ok, but none of them come with sauce, and they report should. They’re not dry, and they are spicy, but they’re missing something, and I’m pretty sure it’s sauce.
A while back, you may recall that I was sad after Taco Bell discontinued their Fire Roasted sauce. It was my favorite of their condiments and a real loss for the people of earth in general. I still have their Hot sauce, so that’s something, but life will never be the same. Now, in an effort to make each day even more unbearable than the one before it, the folks who encourage us to run for the border have discontinued their Spanish Rice and have left us this pathetic Caucasian substitute.
This new cilantro white rice is some boring ass shit. I know I sound like a ranting old man who rejects change, but fuck that stupid cilantro rice! I don’t want it! They can take this new product and shove it up their Border Bowl!
And, just to rub Cinnamon Twists in the wound, they are still printing dumb shit on the sauce packets. CreativeJamie.com contributor Nurse Becky asked me, “Do yours down there say stupid shit too??” and I must let you know that, yes, double fuckness yes, they most certainly do – both Canada AND the United States must deal with this nonsense. The photo she provided is a fine example.
Still, I can’t be too mad at Taco Bell. They always let me substitute whatever it is they mean by “meat” for beans and they have locations all over the place, so they’ve saved my ass on multiple occasions. We’re just having a spat right now, the Bell and me. It’s not like I’m going to stop going there – I’m just going to curse under my breath a lot as I drive back home.
As someone who pursues a vegan lifestyle and diet, I don’t tend to think of myself as as the sort of person that does what I’m about to do – tell someone that what they’re doing is wrong based on my beliefs. I’m sure I do this every once in a while, but I’ve never tried to convert someone, I don’t give the guy at NYY Steak dirty looks when I walk by, and I’ve never been to a protest in my life… but I’m thinking about starting. Writing today about Ann Hamilton’s installation at the Park Avenue Armory might be the first step.
When I first started reading about Hamilton’s art project and the idea of audience as art, I was intrigued. Then, I saw the photos of the giant swing along with the giant curtain and I was getting ready to check this out first hand. I was getting excited about art (which is tough for me), excited about leaving the house when not going to the movies or a bar (tougher still) and then I saw the photo of the pigeon below.
I’m sorry, but if you can’t make art without putting animals in tiny cages, then fuck you. I don’t care what you’re trying to express or what you’re trying to say – putting a pigeon in a cage is not art, it’s bullshit. That’s why the only person in the photo is part of the exhibit – nobody else wants to go over there. Maybe because animals in tiny cages is depressing, maybe because they don’t like that lady’s singing… I don’t know for sure, but art (any kind of art) is supposed to be about making people feel something, and if the only way you can accomplish that is by putting birds in tiny cages, then I say fuck your exhibit – I’m not coming.
Once I start cutting up the vegan sausage, you know it’s on!
We’re cooking now!
Done! Other words of excitement!
I’ve got a “How To Make Vegan Baked Ziti” video coming soon!
Sometimes your family just dunks all over you – you take them out to try your favorite beer and then they take you out to a place that serves what becomes your favorite beer. This is what happened when our esteemed Denver area hosts took Dr. Girlfriend and I out to the fanciest dinner ever at Watercourse Foods.