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All of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies reviewed!

Well, that which I have been dreading is nearly upon us:  The Michael Bay produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie is just days away.  As if you haven’t already guessed, I’m setting my expectations to low (especially after I saw the toys).  Then again, I tried that with Transformers, and look how that turned out.  Anyway, in the interest in getting caught up with all things Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles from a movie standpoint, here are my scores and links to the reviews for all six TMNT movies.

I love the first one.  1990’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is awesome and I will hear nothing else on the subject.  9 out of 10.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II:  The Secret of the Ooze  is a baffling, disappointing follow-up, but  it’s watchable.  “Go ninja, go ninja, go!”  3 out of 10.

The third one… it’s not bad, but it feels like nobody gave a shiz.  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III is bad, but it could be much worse and they ditched the campy tone of the second, which was much appreciated.  5 out of 10.

2007’s TMNT is fine – it starts off strongly but falters.  3.5 out of 10.

I have to admit, I haven’t finished watching Turtles Forever.  For all its bold premise promises, I was shocked at how board I was while watching the flick – I’ll try to give it another chance ASAP.

That’s all for now…  boy, this new movie sure does look like shiz.  Oh well.  It’s got to be better than the Transformers movies… right?

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New Ninja Turtles action figures makes the horror hit home

We’ve all seen the trailer, we’ve all felt sad, but it wasn’t really until I saw the action figures in the store that it felt real to me: Ninja Turtles is probably going to be an awful movie. Just look at what the did to Michelangelo! Just LOOK! They’ve bastardized my beloved Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! He’s got pants and a sweater and… bling?!? I just… I don’t see this working.

TMNT (2007 – movie review)

I should preface this review by saying I did not watch the 2000s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series – I presume this movie stems out of that series, but I don’t actually know this for a fact, and, in 2014, obviously, there is no way to check… Anyway, let’s dive in to 2007’s TMNT! Read the rest of this entry

6 reasons Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze is lame (movie review)

After applauding the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie and then saying that the third TMNT installment isn’t the worst thing ever, it’s time to finally hit rock bottom with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze. Let’s count the reasons this movie doesn’t work.  Read the rest of this entry

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990 – movie review)

In my review of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, I refer to this first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie as gritty, funny and interesting. I went on to praise it’s realistic tone and its blend of action, adventure, tragedy and comedy. I stand by that now and forever – this is a great movie. Read the rest of this entry

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 (movie review)

The first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie was gritty, funny and interesting. It had a realistic tone that the film makers blended well with the action, adventure, tragedy and comedy. When they moved on to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze, they went for a much campier, cartoony feel where the Turtles rarely (if ever) draw their weapons. Here in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3, we get something of a mix of the two.

Read the rest of this entry

Baffling Movie Trailers: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) & God’s Not Dead

I watched the movie trailers for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) and God’s Not Dead and they both baffled me. Take a look!

What? I… what?

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The 5 best kid – adult crossover cartoons that are on TV right now

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“That’s the thing I like about cartoons – I get older, they stay the same age.”
~the creepy dude from Dazed and Confused said something like that.

But it’s true! I might be old, but I still love cartoons, and there are some cartoons that are getting it done in a big bad way as I believe they are pleasing to both kids and adults. Here today, I present to you (in no particular order), the 5 best kid – adult crossover cartoons that are on TV right now.

Adventure Time

I’m just getting into this show, but it clearly has the goods. The scope and complexity of Adventure Time is kinda baffling, but I’m looking forward to getting caught up. Read the rest of this entry

TMNT Bubble Solution confused me because I’m an idiot

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See, I read this and thought, “Bubble Solution?  Why do I need a Bubble Solution?  Jesus, is this like the Ninja Turtles version of a final solution?  Like they’re going to use these bubbles to knock off the Foot Clan?”  And then, five minutes later, I thought, “Oh…  I mean… oh.  Bubbles.  Right.  Kids blow bubbles.  Gotcha.”

Avengers and TMNT action figures

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This box set of Avengers action figures made me feel old.  I said something like, “In my day, we had to collect all, each sold separately – and we liked it!”  But for Christmas in 2012, you can just plop down $45 at Target and take home the entire team and their primary adversary all in one shot!  Disgraceful! Read the rest of this entry

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