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A QUICK Review! I found a bunch of old movie reviews that I never got around to publishing – they’re old, they’re short, but they get the job done!
Rain Man (1988)
Dustin Hoffman taught us all about where he buys his under wear in Rain Man, the performance that won him the Academy Award Award. Tom Cruise portrays Charlie Babbit, a prick with money woes who learns he has a brother (Hoffman) when his father dies and leaves all money to Raymond, an autistic-savant. It’s a road movie with a lot of heart and a great performance by Hoffman, but in some ways, it’s almost a performance seeking a story. Rain Man isn’t really about the plot, it’s about the characters and their relationships, and sure, this is important in any movie, but you should at least care about what happens in the end… but whatever, it’s a movie with a ton of montages and good acting, and I recommend it.
A QUICK Review! I found a bunch of old movie reviews that I never got around to publishing – they’re old, they’re short, but they get the job done!
The Princess Bride (1987)
This is the first flick I’d guess most people saw starring Cary Elwes, and it might be hist best movie. (Nevertheless, anything he does gets my seal of approval – check out The Pentagon Wars… not so much Saw.) He carries a film like a champ. Co staring the beautiful Robin Wright Penn as Buttercup and narrated by Peter Falk as the grandfather and Fred Savage as the grandson, this movie has been delighting both young and old for years. I could go on and on and sing the praises of the cast, the directing and the Fire Swamp and it’s three terrors, but do yourself a favor and see this movie for yourself. It has something for everybody – that’s why you’ll see this flick rebroadcasted on every cable channel from comedy central to women’s entertainment. Anyway, the TV Guide one sentence summary would probably go something like, “Buttercup has decided to marry the prince after her true love’s death only to be kidnapped twice before she can be wed.“
A QUICK Review! I found a bunch of old movie reviews that I never got around to publishing – they’re old, they’re short, but they get the job done!
O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)
Based on The Odyssey (for all those who slept through english comp in college, that’s the one after the war (The Iliad) when he’s trying to get home), the Coen brothers deliver a musical and yet carefully dress it as a comedic drama. I really enjoyed this one; the story, the twists, and the performances (led by a George Clooney) are all top notch. Everything just works, and John Goodman is a great surprise; the best reveal in the movie, probably. Don’t miss this.
A QUICK Review! I found a bunch of old movie reviews that I never got around to publishing – they’re old, they’re short, but they get the job done!
Knocked Up (2007)
I saw Knocked Up during a double feature – it was billed second to I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry – how insulting, right? The movie isn’t perfect, but it turned me on to Judd Apatow and his crew. It’s funny and mostly fair – it’s a fine comedy, but probably not the sort of movie you should see on a date.
A QUICK Review! I found a bunch of old movie reviews that I never got around to publishing – they’re old, they’re short, but they get the job done!
The Natural (1984)
An aging right fielder (Robert Redford) comes up to the big leagues and eventually works his way into the starting line up. This movie has really great moments, but it doesn’t flow for me. (What’s the deal with the beginning? What’s Barbara Hershey’s problem? Why doesn’t Roy want anyone to know where he was during the missing 16 years – and where was he, anyway?) The movie is sort of spotty at times, but Redford is great in it, like he is in everything. It’s definitely worth a look and fans of the game should not miss this one. “Pick me a winner”… well maybe not this time, but it’s a solid flick in any event.
If you enjoyed the 2009 joint venture of Robert Downey, Jr., Jude Law and Guy Ritchie that was Sherlock Holmes, then I have every reason to believe that you’ll be happy with Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. But, if you hated the first one, this episode isn’t going to change your mind, although for my part, I enjoyed it more than the first flick.
I could recap the plot, but, at this point, you’ve probably already seen the movie and if you didn’t, don’t spoil it. From here, I’m going to dig into a few points I feel are worth of discussion.
1. Holmes had that crazy web on his wall that connects multiple murders, terrorist attacks, and business acquisitions to Professor James Moriarty how, exactly? The connection itself was that it all somehow benefited arms manufacturing, but how he connected that to Moriarty, I either never understood or have forgotten. Pretty sure Holmes said Moriarty was too smart to leave any evidence… blah.
2. I don’t believe Irene Adler is really dead, but instead, Moriarty is just letting Holmes think she is. This way, he (and the audience) must take Moriarty’s threat to kill Watson and his wife seriously and with Adler still alive, he can use her as an asset later. Or, she can wake up at beginning of the next movie in some sanatorium and once again become Holmes love interest.
3. I usually hate slow motion, but I think Guy Ritchie made very good use of it. I’m a fan of his style, and although I wouldn’t exactly call this movie as stylized as, say, RocknRolla, it’s still a Guy Ritchie movie. I heard one critic say they thought that the movie’s colors were to drab, but I was OK with that. However, it’s all gray palate doesn’t give the audience a lot of help when it comes to changing locals; if this were a quiz about what cities the movie took place
4. Is Mycroft Holmes awesome or what? If Sherlock is eccentric, Mycroft is completely insane – and it’s great!
5. A good portion of the movie focused on finding this Rene guy, and since I had no idea who he was, that didn’t really interest me. Of course, since we see later that he’s been surgically altered to look like someone else, showing him earlier in the film would have been confusing… maybe a flashback would have helped… if there was more Rene in the film before the finale, I can’t remember it.
6. I loved that Moriarty tricked Holmes concerning the location of the bomb – that was awesome. Good act 2 twist – Holmes can be beaten by this villain.
The movie is playful, funny and action packed. The actors all deliver fine performances and Guy Ritchie directs his ass off. It’s not Shakespeare, but it gets the job done.
Eight Crazy Nights isn’t part of your regular holiday movie rotation, it probably should be. Before you pull the trigger, here are a few things to be aware of:
This Movie is Probably Not Appropriate for Young Children
It’s a cartoon, so I thought it was important to mention this. I know it’s easy to drop kids in front of a cartoon and assume everything is fine (bet my parents didn’t know about all the occult stuff happening on He-Man or the homo-erotic stuff on Thundercats), but this is one of those cases where it’s important to do some parenting and exercise some judgement While it’s possible for adults to put the movie’s themes of alcoholism, depression and prejudice against people who look different in it’s proper context, your kids might end up repeating a few choice words (“shit”) or phrases (“Can I walk around with my morning erection?”) that you prefer they didn’t after watching Eight Crazy Nights. I do think it’s perfect for that preteen and young teen crowd – odds are, they know all those words and phrases already anyway.
I Found a Musical I Like!
People sing in this movie and I enjoy it – who knew such a thing was possible? The songs are witty, hilarious and well arranged. I particularly enjoy “Technical Foul,” but there are other songs worth hearing. Not only that, but it’s an Adam Sandler movie I like – this truly is the season of miracles!
Relentless Product Placement? Check!
It just wouldn’t be an Adam Sandler movie without relentless product placement, and Eight Crazy Nights is no exception. There are over 20 different products either seen, mentioned or used by the characters, from stores at the mall to what the characters were actively displaying in scenes. Ka-ching!
Just for Giggles:
If you ever want to read a poorly written Wikipedia page, then Eight Crazy Nights might be the page for you. Check this out:
Davey Stone, the antagonistic protagonist. As a child, he was a professional basketball player with a nice heart.
So… he was a professional basketball player as a child. In a children’s league, which was officiated by a volunteer whose legs were too small to keep up with kids. Professional basketball player. Gotcha. Oh, and with a ‘nice’ heart. Not ‘a heart made of gold’ or ‘a good heart,’ but the rarely used ‘a nice heart’ expression. Swish!
Let’s start this review up with a quote from Wikipedia:
Kevin Smith announced at the Wizard World Chicago 2006 convention that his next project would move in a different direction, and it would be a straight horror film.
I was surprised to hear that Kevin Smith was working on a horror film, as I think anybody familiar with his body of work would be.
My understanding is that Mr. Smith stuck to this claim from 2006 until the eventual 2011 release of Red State, and the movie does play as a horror film…
…for the first twenty minutes or so.
Initially, we are setup with three suburban boys who arrange via the internet to meet an older woman for the purposes of group sex. On the way to meet the woman at her trailer, they accidentally side swipe a car, which was coincidentally occupied by the local sheriff, who was in the midst of a secret homosexual encounter. After the boys arrive at the woman’s trailer, she gives them two beers each, which are laced with a powerful sedative. They wake up in the Cooper’s compound; a local family of Christian fundamentalists who take the job of being crazy for Jesus seriously. Two of the boys kind themselves in the basement below the Cooper’s church while the other is locked in a cage in the church proper, along with another man who is tied to the cross. This man is executed by the Coopers and then dropped via trap door into the basement. Meanwhile, the sheriff orders his deputy to find the car that side swiped him, which eventually leads him to the Coopers, as the car is parked in front of their home. While he’s in the midst of questioning Abner Cooper (the patriarch of the family) two of the boys escape, and shots are fired as one of the boys is killed along with one of the Coopers. The Deputy hears this and calls in the disturbance, but the Coopers kill him too. Abner uses the patrol car’s radio and tells the sheriff he knows of his secret homosexual life and will out him using compromising photographs if the sheriff decides to pursue the Coopers. Instead, the sheriff contacts the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, which has been trying to build a case against the Coopers for years, and the ATF quickly surround the premises and demands the Coopers surrender.
Hilarious antics ensue.
I won’t spoil the entire movie for you, but from this point on (well, perhaps 10 minutes before this moment), the movie stops being a horror movie and becomes something of an action thriller. John Goodman portrays the ranking ATF officer on the scene and along with Michael Parks (who is AWESOME SAUCE in this movie) as Abner Cooper, the two most compelling characters face off in a bloody battle of conflicting ideologies, corruption and ass kickery. As for characters, there’s not much else going on. Melissa Leo is great as Abner’s daughter and I enjoyed Kerry Bishé as his granddaughter, but most of the other characters are mostly one note editions. The first three kids we meet never really get developed; I’m pretty sure one of their names was Billy Ray, but that’s about the most I can tell you about any of them. Kevin Pollak is in the movie for about five minutes, but his appearance has great shock value.
As in Cop Out, Dave Klein shows me that he is up to the challenge of creating great images, although I have to say that whole ‘the camera is attached to me’ shot (I believe it’s called the body mount shot; I first saw it in Requiem for a Dream) is pretty tired at this point; still, the editing by Kevin Smith makes quick use of this technique, so it’s not too annoying. I don’t know which one of them wanted to use that shot, but, in my opinion, not a good idea.
The body mount shot shows up a few times in the trailer - check it at 1:18ish.
In it’s way, Red State is a twist movie; but instead of a plot twist, it’s a genre twist. It’s not a perfect movie, and the end is a little flat, but I enjoyed it.
And now, for my grand finale, I present to you, as told to me by the internet, the original scripted ending to Red State:
During various interactive Q&As for the film, Smith has stated that the original ending actually continued through with the trumpets signaling the Rapture. After Cooper tells Keenan to shoot him, Cooper’s chest explodes, followed by the remaining family members’ chests exploding one by one, and then the remaining agents’ chests exploding one by one. During these deaths, the ground shakes and splits, and Keenan curls up on the ground and closes his eyes. When he opens his eyes he sees the last agent killed with a giant sword coming out of his chest, which is being wielded by an enormous armored angel. The angel looks at Keenan, puts a finger to his lips, and says “shhhhh”. The angel then flies off into the sky, and as the angel banks out of the picture the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse descend.
Kevin Smith says he wrote this ending while he was really high.
I finally got around to seeing Transformers: Dark of the Moon, the third (and I hope final) movie in the series. Directed by Michael Bay and starring Shia LaBeouf, this movie… well, for one thing, it’s really fucking long. I don’t know any other way to say it. It’s 154 minutes, and I’m sorry, this is an aciton movie with a thin plot but no real point, so… if there is a next time, gimme a break, OK? So yeah, it’s long, but it’s also the best movie in this god awful series.
The movie opens with a scene from the end of the war between the Decepticons and Autobots on Cybertron, which you would think would be neat, but they manage to blow it. An escaping ship, piloted by Sentinel Prime (voiced by Lenard Nimoy – seriously), who was Optimus’ predecessor as leader of the Autobots, crashes on the moon and the race to see what’s up there inspires the space race. Seriously. President Kennedy is in this movie. Anyway, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Buzz Aldrin (the real Buzz Aldrin has a cameo later in the film – seriously!), land on the moon, explore the ship, blah blah blah. We finally get to the present and for some reason, we’re still supposed to care about Sam Witwicky (LaBeouf), even though as far as I can tell, his involvement in the first two movies seemed entirely coincidental. Also, I hate hearing, saying or writing the name ‘Witwicky’ – let’s just change it to ‘Sam Wikipedia’ and get it over with, or not even give him a last name – what’s the difference? We’re forced to sit through this boring subplot that despite his secret world saving missions with the Transformers and his useless bachelor’s degree, he can’t find a job, which his comic relief dad is pissed off about, although his comic relief mom is somewhat sympathetic. Welcome to the club, pal… I feel so bad for you in your luxury apartment with your smoking hot girlfriend… well, sorta. What’s wrongwith your face? Anyway, nice legs.
Specifically, your mouth.
Also, I just thought I’d point out that Shia means ‘sacred’ and ‘LeBeouf’ means beef – how awesome is that? If I was him, I’d roll up on shorties and be all, “What up? My boys call me Sacred Beef… and you will too.” Just something to think about.
I find LaBeouf likable enough in his role – the dude’s funny, but the movie drags on and on, like a drunk grandmother on her wedding anniversary. Anyway, he finally lands a job at John Malkovich’s company… whatever, it doesn’t matter. I have no idea why Malkovich is in this movie – I guess he loves money. I’m boring myself and recanting the plot and will have me sitting here for another 2000 words, and who needs that?
So here’s the quick version: Sentinel Prime made a secret deal with Megatron to use some sort of worm hole technology to bring Seibertron (yeah, it’s not ‘Cybertron’) to Earth because the former is too dilapidated from the war to be habitable, and they’re going to use the humans as slave labor for… something… which makes sense, because when you’re 25 feet tall, it’s great having a workforce that checks in on average around 5 foot 9 inches, not mention the fact that they’re centuries behind you in technology. Oh, and Sentinel Prime says something about “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few,” or maybe he says it the other way around in this movie… I can’t remember,but it was funny either way, Wrath of Khan style. (I had to have a third drink to get through this movie, and I made all three of those whiskey and egg nogs mad strong.) Anyhow, Optimus Prime doesn’t like their plan, so he beats ass and flies around with a jet pack, which kinda reminded me of the end of Robocop 3, except I found a way to care even less about the end of this movie than I did that one.
There’s not much else to say. From time to time, stuff blows up, but the movie is boring. The exposition is not completely painful, BUT THERE IS A SHIT LOAD OF IT, and the attempts at balancing the crazy action and exposition with comedy ultimately do a disservice to the movie as it just makes the damn thing take longer. Maybe a better editor/writer/director team could have hacked a half hour out of this movie, but I don’t want to waste my time talking about a hack like Michael Bay and whoever he parties with is. I can’t say it enough: the movie is so fucking long; two and a half hours long! With the exception of one car chase during which Bumble Bee transforms from car mode to… uhm… person mode and then back to car mode with Shia LeBeouf inside, then outside, then inside again, pretty much all of the cool parts are in this two and half minute trailer. I honestly don’t know why I scored it so high, but I did watch the entire movie (although somewhat inebriated), so I guess that’s something.
Imagine you’re in charge of choosing the basic story for the Green Lantern movie. It’s a daunting task; after all, the first Green Lantern appeared in All-American Comics issue #16 in July of 1940 – I’m not trying to up my nerd credit (and yes, I get that the first Green Lantern from the Golden Age of comic books was quite different than the second Silver Age Green Lantern), but I just want to point out that there are decades worth of stories a screenplay could be based on – not to mention multiple Green Lanterns to choose from. As for me, I’m a John Stewart kind of guy, but that’s not the reason why I’m going to have such a hard time saying good things about this movie.
In fact, I very much enjoyed Green Lantern: First Flight, proving that I can enjoy Hal Jordan as GL, and I assumed, right up until the end, that we’d get a very similar movie… and I guess we did… sort of. But rather than a straight forward movie, I felt that instead, the producers assembled every possible idea, plot thread and character available, tossed them in a hat in an attempt to pick one – and instead, picked ALL OF THEM. Let’s see if I can weave my way through this unnecessarily complicated mess of bizarre execution and choices of what should have been a simple story about how a guy becomes an intergalactic cop, but instead is the story of a guy at odds with a girl he loves (?), at odds with a guy who is the main competition for said girl (and neither of them know about it?), but also has issues with is father’s accidental death… forget it, I give up.
Hal Jordan (and his daddy issues)
Ryan Reynolds pulls off the roll, but he’s severely limited in his ability to use his Reynolds-ness by a script that just doesn’t give him any opportunities to do much of anything. I guess he’s traumatized by his father’s death, which we got to witness in the most awkward of flashbacks in cinematic history, but although the movie constantly references it, they never really explain his feelings on it. And for a movie called Green Lantern, uhm, he doesn’t fly around a lot and do Green Lantern stuff. This was the sort of movie that needed that Superman montage of scenes where he flies around, stops jewel bandits, robbers on boats and gets cats out of trees – this wasn’t Iron Man, where we were enjoying the story and didn’t need Iron Man to blow stuff up every five minutes. I also don’t get why the Green Lantern outfits needed to be all digital and moving… that really added something to the movie… ugh.
Carol Ferris (and her daddy issues)
Blake Lively… I wouldn’t say she can’t act – that’s not a fair thing to say. Her character is written poorly and her dialogue is awful. “You have the power to overcome fear.” Seriously? Who wrote that? Who thought that was OK? Any speech any character gives in this movie sucks. And what exactly ended Carol and Hal’s relationship? And how long ago could that have been? Carol looks like she’s 22. And her relationship with her dad is… weird.
Hector Hammond (and his daddy issues)
Peter Sarsgaard is, like Ryan Reynolds, totally underutilized and under developed. And the character design is hilarious; this just isn’t the sort of character that translates to the screen. Didn’t anyone tell the producers that film is a visual medium and this was never going to look good? And the confrontation between Hector and Hal at the end of the movie sucks. It takes about 5 seconds for Hal to outwit him. And, for good measure, Hector kills his father in the second act of the film.
Senator Hammond (a dad)
So Tim Robbins plays Senator Hammond in this movie… I guess he’s a US Senator? I guess he’s on the Armed Services Committee? I guess. It’s Tim effing Robbins! Couldn’t they have found something better for him to do? It’s City of Ember all over again!
Sinestro
Mark Strong gave his usual attention commanding performance – he was one of the few big actors that was well cast, if under utilized. They did recycle that shot of him from that speech he gave near the middle of the movie: “Lanterns, we face an unprecedented danger… it seems that a giant calamari with the head of one of The Guardians is wandering the galaxy, devouring worlds! It makes Galactus sound like… I don’t know… the Nazis. Let’s go with the Nazis.” You know, the part where he raises his arms? Its in the trailer. Anyway, they used that shot again at the end of the movie. (Lazy!) It would have been nice to see him in action at Hal’s side once before he goes bad (as the credits so unnecessarily teased with no explanation whatsoever), so they could have established a bond… maybe they’ll squeeze it into the sequel. Whatever.
Sinestro... with arms wide open. (Twice.)
Doctor Waller (and her unnecessary family issues)
Angela Bassett is in this movie – it’s not your fault if you didn’t notice – and we see her family get killed via weird flashback. He inclusion seemed unnecessary; I felt like they were introducing her (like many other characters) so they wouldn’t have to do introductions in a future Green Lantern/DC Comics movie. Historically, I like this character a lot, but we just didn’t get much here. Her inclusion in the movie is a microcosm of the entire flick itself – underdeveloped and probably unnecessary.
The Guardians (who are daddies themselves, sort of)
So weird dudes with big heads run the Green Lantern Corps. Obviously. Their behavior was weird, their decision making process… half ass. Their decision to make Sinestro the fear ring seemed to be based on the idea that they couldn’t make a sequel without the yellow ring.
The Yellow Calamari Looking Thing (Parallax)
Again, didn’t anyone tell the producers that film is a visual medium and this was never going to look good? I don’t know much about Green Lantern, but was Parallax necessary? And like Hector, Hal didn’t have much trouble dispatching him, despite the immense ass kicking he gave to other Green Lanterns in just seconds.
Green Lantern is at a 26% from the critics and at 55% from the fans on Rotten Tomatoes, but I think reality lies in between – it’s not unwatchable, but I wouldn’t recommend that anyone run out and see it. (By the way, I saw it in 2D rather than 3D – the movie didn’t look like it was worth the extra money, and I stand by that decision.) If you want to see a movie about Green Lantern, I recommend you go rent Green Lantern: First Flight… from where ever you can rent movies from nowadays.
Speculating on the plot of Dark Knight Rises
Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows Review
5 Reasons I Loved The Muppets – a movie review
Newt Gingrich: “To the moon, Alice!”
South Carolina Tea Party Doesn’t Like Ron Paul
My Five Favorite Things About Mitt Romney (sarcasm)
Jamie Insalaco
chewyowl
Nurse Becky
A QUICK Review! I found a bunch of old movie reviews that I never got around to publishing – they’re old, they’re short, but they get the job done!
