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Obama Wins Second Term, Fox News Credits Mainstream Media

Oh Fox News – the gift that just keeps on giving. I try to stay off their site because they just make it too easy… it’d be like if I were a hunter (and I’m not) and I did all my hunting at a game preserve where they kept the birds under lock and key until right when I got to that spot and then they flushed them out in front of me… and yet, I still ended up shooting my hunting partner in the face. That’s a good enough analogy for what has happened as President Obama has won a second term without anyone officially saying who won Florida and it’s 29 Electoral Votes (and it looks like Obama will be declared the winner of Florida) when Fox news posts an article that neither blames Mitt Romney for losing nor credits Obama for winning. Instead, it’s the mainstream media that unfairly influenced the election with their liberal bias while forgetting that Fox is part of the mainstream media. Read the rest of this entry

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I’m voting for Obama: Part 2

Barack Obama 2008I had planned an entire series of “I’m voting for Obama” posts, but Hurricane Sandy screwed that up. Anyway, here is the penultimate post on why I’m voting for Obama.

(Unfortunately, I don’t have time to unleash the humongous essays on various issues I had planned, so I’m only providing the Cliff Notes version on limited topics.) Read the rest of this entry

How much does Big Bird cost?

mitt-romneyDuring the first presidential debate (I’m only one debate behind – awesome!) Governor Romney mentioned that while he did love Big Bird, if he were elected president, he would stop the subsidy to PBS.  This comment has inspired me to do two very scary things:  1) look up details on government spending and 2) math.

In case you missed Romney’s quote from the debate, here it is, in all of it’s out of context glory:

“I’m sorry Jim, I’m going to stop the subsidy to PBS. I like PBS, I actually love Big Bird. I like you too, but I’m not going to keep on spending money on things to borrow money from China to pay for.”

Read the rest of this entry

Girl to Romney: “The GluteBoost is working!”

mitt-romney-bends-down-in-front-of-school-girl

“Did you ever see that episode of Diff’rent Strokes “The Bicycle Man?” Never mind…”

Obviously, this photograph is hilarious.  The girl looks pleasantly surprised while Mitt Romney is wearing more of a “I built that” sort of look on his face.  So, while I’m sure the options are limitless, I prefer to maintain that the young lady was pleasantly surprised by the ample junk in Governor Romney’s trunk.  Badonkadonk.

The caption “The GluteBoost is working!” comes to mind because of this “news” story, in which a 61-year-old teacher named Ellen Vick reported that a student put something in her coffee cup.  My understanding is that investigators believe that a student put three capsules of GluteBoost into her coffee, and apparently, GluteBoost is an “All Natural Buttocks Enhancement Supplement.”  That is awesome.  Apparently, the kids like a big ass and certainly believe that it is never to late too tap dat.  WORD.

HIT THE MUSIC!!!

Mitt Romney, budding standup comedian

mitt-romney-laughingWho would have guessed that Republican Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney would be so hilarious?  The dude is straight up funny, and that’s no lie.  Here are some of his funniest lines from the campaign trail.

Read the rest of this entry

Romney’s Mouth, Meet Romney’s Foot – Video Edition

mitt-romneySince he’s already done the “Romney’s Mouth, Meet Romney’s Foot – Statement Edition,” I guess he thought another round was due.  I imagine that right about now, President Obama is sitting in a room, consulting a calendar. “Hm… it’s not my birthday, it’s not Christmas… Well, either way, I guess I should call Mitt Romney and thank him for his thoughtful gift.” Read the rest of this entry

“Of course you realize this means war” (or: seriously, I’m pissed at Mitt Romney)

mitt-romneyI like to poke fun at Mitt Romney as he’s someone I genuinely disagree with.  Now, his status as “someone I genuinely disagree with” has changed after the events of the last few days, which I will briefly recount in the order they occurred. Read the rest of this entry

Random Texts Sent Between Mitt Romney and His Campaign Manager

mitt-romneyPoliticians must text, right?  It’s a standard mode of communication these days and I’d have to imagine it’s an invaluable tool during the constant on the go of a presidential campaign.  Here’s what I imagine the texts exchanged between Mitt Romney and his campaign manager look like.

Also, 10 bucks says Mitt uses a Blackberry.

Read the rest of this entry

Oh Republicans, you so CRAZY (Or: Why Ryan and Christie?)

So…  let me see if I can understand this.

Mitt Romney has chosen Paul Ryan to be his running mate.  When I heard this, I said, “Who?  Oh, wait… now I remember – that fucking guy?  That’s crazy.”  Read the rest of this entry

Santorum Wins Alabama And Mississippi, But He Didn’t Win Much

Rick Santorum can run around with his hair on fire telling everyone how he won the Alabama And Mississippi primaries, but a closer look at the numbers reveals his boasts to be wild exaggeration.  Sure, Santorum spent less money than Mitt Romney, but this isn’t a foot race, and the former Senator needs to realize that.

alabama-mississippi-hawaii-republican-primary-2012

In Alabama, Santorum scooped up 34.5% – meanwhile, Newt “I can’t believe I’m still in the race, either” Gingrich took 29.3% and Romney took an even 29%.  Without a doubt, Santorum won, but it’s not like he cleaned Romney’s clock by 10+ percentage points.  I’m also fairly certain I read somewhere that Romney didn’t campaign in Alabama…

The Mississippi numbers are even closer:  32.8% for Santorum, Gingrich in second again with 31.2% and Romney bringing up the rear with 30.6.  When the spread’s less than 2.5 points, the phrase “narrow victory” comes to mind.  Also, check out the balls on Gingrich:  “If you’re the front-runner and keep coming in third, you’re not much of a front-runner.”  Err… you know you didn’t come in first in anything last night, right?

Here’s the real problem:  the Republican primary is no longer a winner take all contest – just because you win a state doesn’t mean you get all of the delegates, and given that the contests have all been relatively close, it’s a fair to guess that the delegates will be divided up fairly evenly.  And even worse for Santorum and Gingrich, they’re way behind Romney in the delegate count, so dividing delegates nearly even with him isn’t a great way to eat up his lead.

republican-delegate-count-march-2012

As you can see, Romney is handing Santorum his ASS in total delegate count.  A 243 delegate count lead over your closest rival is a fairly significant beating, and while I understand that there are 1358 delegates left for the taking, it’s hard to believe that Santorum will ever be able to catch Romney, especially if about 30% of voters in Mississippi & Alabama are willing to vote for a Mormon.  If Santorum can’t blow Romney out in these states, then he’s never going to catch up.

more Election 2012 at creativejamie.com/category/election-2012/

Republican Primary Results That Don’t Count For Anything From States Where Republicans Don’t Live, Vote Or Care

Whew!  That title just rolls right off your tongue!

This post is all about numbers, but don’t let that scare you off.  I hate those smug bastards, but sometimes, simply looking them over and seeing which ones are small and which ones are big can tell us a lot.

For example, Minnesota is 21st in population in the United States with a count of 5,303,925 in 2010.  Colorado is 22nd with 5,029,196 and Missouri is 18th with 5,988,927.  But apparently, either no Republicans live there, don’t vote, or they don’t show up for elections that don’t count for anything.  Or they think the candidates suck.

That’s right, folks; apparently, the Republican Primaries in Colorado, Missouri and Minnesota not only had fairly low turnout, but they’re not awarding any delegates to the winner – so I guess all of this means nothing as the states have not awarded delegates to any of the candidates, meaning until they do, we don’t know who they’ll vote for at the Republican National Convention.  Apparently, this is all tied to these states having their elections too soon, but what this means for awarding their delegates, I don’t know, and who cares?  Nobody voted anyway.  Here are the results:

colorado-minnesota-missouri-primary-results-2012

The only thing that annoys me more than the Electoral College is the way we pick candidates.  This is pathetic!  In Colorado, a total of 66,027 showed up.  In Minnesota, which we already noted has slightly more residents than Colorado, only 48,695 could muster up the courage to hit the polls and in Missouri, 251,868  got those classy “I voted!” stickers.  Now that’s a lot more than Colorado or Minnesota, but as I always like to point out, Brooklyn has a population of 2,504,700, so I don’t see any of these guys doing very well in a race for Borough President.

Yet the most shocking thing of all is that Rick Santorum swept the day!  And, when you google his name, spreadingsantorum.com is now downgraded to the 4th option in natural search results, so things are all coming up Rick!

santorum-google-result

Your damn right I +1'd it. Man, Google - that is one awkward expression you've got there.

So I guess Santorum is the latest flavor of the month in the “Anybody But Mitt Romney” parade and as Newt Gingrich didn’t finish any better than third in all three races, he is of course not dropping out.  Why would he drop out now?  He only failed to capture anything worth reporting in the state where the most people showed up to vote in an election where you essentially just had to show up and shake hands with the 12 people voting at each precinct…

Well, I guess it’s time for Mitt Romney to tear into Rick Santorum with a wave of negative ads from his Super PAC that he can’t control, so get ready, Maine – you’ve got some commercials coming your way concerning why a frothy mixture won’t make a good president.

more Election 2012 at creativejamie.com/category/election-2012/

South Carolina Debate, Ya’ll!

I watched most of last night’s Presidential Debate in Charleston (?), North Carolina, hosted by CNN – you might have noticed it was hosted by CNN as they brought a few thousand CNN signs to decorate the stage with. If you’re wondering who won, I have no idea – for the most part, I thought each candidate received equally positive reactions from the crowd. OK, Ron Paul was lagging behind, but when he doesn’t agree with the crowd, he’s not afraid to tell them so – this strategy does not win you Presidential elections. Nevertheless, the crowd really seemed to enjoy themselves – the exit polling data indicated that every attendee was very excited to vote for… one of the Republicans.

Newt Gingrich was disgusted that the first question of the night concerned the interview his second wife had given NBC that same day. He might not think his personal life is relevant (particularly since he maintains his second wife’s claims concerning Newt asking for an open marriage are not true), but when you’re having an affair with a member of your staff while you’re impeaching the President for lying about an affair he had with a member of his staff… well, that’s a horse of a different color, ain’t it? I think it is. Still, I don’t care about the infidelity – that’s none of my business, although it does call your character into question. What does concern me is the hypocrisy the man bathes in, like a dateless kid wearing too much cologne at the junior prom.

I’m surprised how effective Newt’s badgering of Mitt Romney and his tax returns has been – Mitt seems to be a bit on edge. I don’t know why Mitt won’t release the documents, but I suspect it has something to do with Mitt’s strategy of trying to relate to the common man despite being a multimillionaire. (Or is it billionaire? I forget.) Does Mitt really think we’ll view him differently if we know how much he’s worth? Or, more to the point, view Mitt differently then Newt? It won’t matter, because Newt and Mitt are both rich guys – who cares which one is richer? In 2005, the average median income was $32,140 for people over the age of 25. Newt Gingrich made over $2 million dollars last year alone. If Mitt is worth a hundred times Newt’s 2011 earnings, does that make Newt more relatable to the average American? I think not – they’re just two rich guys.

So choose your rich guy wisely, South Carolina – or just vote for Herman Cain.

more Election 2012 at creativejamie.com/category/election-2012/

South Carolina Tea Party Doesn’t Like Ron Paul

After strong showings in the Iowa Caucus and the New Hampshire Primary, I thought I’d pull up the Insider Advantage South Carolina Primary Poll and see Ron Paul on his way to his first victory. After all, South Carolina is a Tea Party stronghold (according to the NY Times, 61% of South Carolina voters approve of the Tea Party, which is more than double than the rest of the ron-paulcountry) , and you’d think he’d be their champion.

But no:

Romney 23%
Gingrich 21%
Santorum 14%
Paul 13%
Perry 5%
Huntsman 7%

So this is me officially saying that I clearly don’t understand who the Tea Party voters are or what they want. I thought they wanted small federal government, states rights, that sort of thing – shouldn’t they be all about Ron Paul? Yet South Carolina’s governor, Nikki Haley (who was swept into office amongst a wave of Tea Party support) has endorsed Mitt Romney (in December), who is holding a small lead over Newt Gingrich. Gingrich? This is totally shocking to me. How can Romney (who’s own health care reform was used as a model for Barack Obama’s health care reform) be in the lead, immediately followed by Gingrich (the former Speaker of the House who resigned in disgrace after paying ethics fines and went on to found a company that helps corporations bypass the lobbying process and get direct access to Congress) be in second by only a few points? How can South Carolina Tea Party voters possibly like these guys?

Ron Paul has had strong numbers till now; he took 21.4% in Iowa, which had him right at the top of the pack with Romney (24.6%) and Santorum (24.5%), and 22.9% in New Hampshire for a commanding second place. Sure, I know hardly anyone actually lives in those states, but still, he’s been doing consistently better than everyone but Romney, right? Yet influential Republican Senator Jim DeMint, who endorsed Romney in 2008 but has not endorsed him this time around (or anyone else, for that matter) is either setting up a dramatic last minute endorsement or just isn’t impressed with the candidates.

So why doesn’t the South Carolina Tea Party rally around Ron Paul? From an ideological standpoint, he seems like their guy – it can’t be some Christian Conservative thing (Romney is a Mormon and Gingrich converted to Catholicism), and I can’t see it being a case of character (as Romney and Gingrich have no character to speak of), so what is it? Are they just fragmented against a field they find uninspiring? Perhaps Paul’s views on abortion have hurt him here (which would make it a Christian Conservative thing…), or some other issue I’m unaware of.

Since 1980, the South Carolina Primary has picked the eventual Republican nominee correctly every single time (which is only 4 times, but still, 4 times in a row is an impressive streak), and if the current poll numbers hold up, it’ll be Mitt Romney.

South Carolina says, “You’re welcome,” Mr. President.

more Election 2012 at creativejamie.com/category/election-2012/

New Hampshire Primary: Beggars CAN Be Choosers

The latest Suffolk University Poll shows former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney holding a commanding lead going into tonight’s New Hampshire Primary. So, the “Anybody But Mitt” primary season is heavily favoring… Mitt Romney.  Makes sense.

I can’t get too excited about what the folks in New Hampshire think; after all, nobody lives there. (New Hampshire ranks 42nd in population amongst US states.) In an open election year (such as 2000 or 2008) they can only round up about 400,000 participants, and when only one party is choosing a candidate, it’s closer to 250,000 voters. To put that in perspective, it’s like 10% of Brooklyn residents decided to get together and pick a presidential candidate. (I bet the Beastie Boys would get a handful of write-in votes.)

In case you’re wondering what people who base their votes on whether or not they actually get to meet the candidate are thinking, here’s the latest data and what is says about the voters for giving their vote to a particular candidate:

mitt-romneyMitt Romney (37%) – You just don’t give a flying fig. Your motto is, “Anybody but the black guy.” It has to me – Mitt Romney is the Constant Flip-Flopper and is something like 5-18 lifetime in elections, so it’s not like he’s a proven winner – you just heard somewhere he has the best chance to beat Obama of anybody in the field, which I doubt is true.

Ron Paul (18%) – You want a consistent candidate, even if he’s a little extreme. I can see that – although he should probably get around to disavowing those racist news letters. He’s not my cup of tea, but he’s a decent man.  For a politician.

Jon Huntsman (16%) – You want to vote for an actual human being.  A decent, reasonable man; I think this guy could do serious damage in the election, but he’ll never win the nomination, so it’s not worth talking about.

Rick Santorum (11%) – You want a candidate that talks about family values in an election that should be about the economy. Good luck with that.

Newt Gingrich (9%) – My personal favorite, Newt is the ultimate in everything that is wrong with the Republican Party. Sure, he resigned from Congress in disgrace after paying his ethics fines and wasting America’s time with the impeachment of Bill Clinton, but you’ll vote for him anyway. Because you’re classy.

Rick Perry
(1%) – Seriously, you’re voting for this guy? This guy couldn’t find his own junk with two hands and a flashlight. I don’t know what you’re thinking.

Buddy Roemer (1%) – You know who Buddy Roemer is. Good for you!

Undecided (7%) – I feel ya; this pack isn’t very appealing. In the end, you’ll just end up doing “eeny meeny miny moe,” and I don’t blame you

more Lists at creativejamie.com/category/lists/

more Election 2012 at creativejamie.com/category/election-2012/

4 Republican Candidates For President You Can’t Trust

Every four years, a collection of stiffs will gather to run for president.  This time, the Republican options are  so awful it defies reality; it’s almost like the GOP has done this on purpose.  In no particular order, here are 4 Republican Candidates for President you can’t trust for arbitrary reasons I can’t get passed.

Herman Cain

herman-cain

Hermain Cain: "Herman Cain is running for President!"

Anyone who habitually refers to themselves in the third person is bad news.  Imagine the balls you’d have to possess to walk around saying things like, “[Your name here] enjoys a good breakfast.”  Just say that out loud.  Sounds weird, right?  Now imagine you spoke that way in front of crowds.  Crowds that you were trying to persuade to vote for you.  For President.  Also, 9-9-9 is a terrible tax plan.

Mitt Romney

mitt-romney

Mitt Romny: "Dogs are probably not going to vote for me for President."

I think I’ve already torn into Mitt Romney enough for one election cycle, but I will reiterate this, Gail Collins style:  he strapped a dog crate to the roof of his car, put his dog in the crate and drove from Boston to Canada.

Newt Gingrich

newt-gingrich

Newt Gingrich: "This is Dave. He'll tell you about why I'll make a great President."

Essentially, he’s a lobbyist – I know he says he’s not, but he is – or, at the very least, he puts lobbyists in the same room with politicians…  so he’s like some kind of corruption match maker… funk it, it’s just easier to say he’s a lobbyist.  You know how people make all those lawyer jokes, like “You know what they call a thousand lawyers chained together at the bottom of the ocean?  A good start.”  Well, you don’t know any lobbyist jokes because they’re depictions of such distasteful, unspeakably graphic evil that people don’t repeat them.

Michelle Bachmann

michelle-bachmann

Michelle Bachmann: "I've won elections before, so there is President that I'll win this one. President."

Sigh.  I could cite Michelle Bachmann quotes all day long, but for today, I’ll just point out that she confused Concord, N.H., with Concord, Mass. in reference to The Battle of Lexington and Concord when she referred to the battle taking place in New Hampshire.  Of course, this also means that she doesn’t know where Lexington is, either, but more to the point, knowing that The Battle of Lexington and Concord took place in Massachusetts is a history question any 9 year old student can probably answer.  Hell, it’s an easier question than how to spell Massachusetts (I always think there is an E before the last S), not to mention the fact that she’s such a stalwart Tea Party favorite.

Also, while many from New Hampshire fought in the American Revolution (famously, the New Hampshire Militia fought alongside the Connecticut, Massachusetts and Rhode Island Militias at the Battle of Bunker Hill – which took place in Massachusetts, by the way), as far as I can tell, no actual battles took place in New Hampshire during the American Revolution.

Because I have no idea when I’ll ever get around to talking about this

Since I’m talking about people I don’t trust, let’s take a quick second to review some photos of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.  Just look:

president-mahmoud-ahmadinejad

What do all of these photos have in common?  No tie.  The dude never wears a tie!  Come on, dude – you’re the president!  Put on a damn tie!  How can you run shiz if you can’t even tie a Windsor knot?

Take the CreativeJamie.com challenge:

Find a pic of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in a tie, contact me and let me know and… I’ll come up with some sort of reward.

OR

Did a battle take place in New Hampshire during the American Revolution?  If so, let me know and… I’ll come up with some sort of reward.

Contact:  creativejamiecom [at] gmail [dot] com

more Lists at creativejamie.com/category/lists/

more Election 2012 at creativejamie.com/category/election-2012/

My Five Favorite Things About Mitt Romney

Whether Republicans like him or not, Mitt Romney has again emerged as the front runner (despite whatever deal Herman Cain is offering on pizza) for the GOP nomination for President of these United States.  When the process started, I thought that Romney, who I knew next to nothing about, was a fine choice and actually had a chance to win.  After all, RomneyCare sounds a lot like ObamaCare, right?  Maybe he’d steal independent voters away from the President and after all, anyone who wants to make sure his constituency has healthcare is OK in my book.

Or so I thought.  Turns out, there are reasons why the Republicans were begging Christie the Hutt to run for president.

1.  Mitt Romney looks like a president
The last time he ran for president, I didn’t really notice Mitt.  Now, he’s not only the front runner, but I recognize him when I see him, which might be because he looks like the guy that usually gets cast in movies to play a fictitious president.  Check out how much he looks like the guy from that terrible National Treasure movie.

mitt-romney-movie-president

BOTH: “Our hair is awesome!”

I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time having much confidence in anyone that puts their trust in Nicholas Cage.  I guess he didn’t see Ghost Rider.

2.  Mitt Romney signed the National Organization for Marriage’s insane pledge
Mitt Romney used to be pro Gay Rights and would write letters to the Log Cabin Republicans, supporting their cause (Ha, ‘log’ – I get it, that’s awesome!), but more on flip flopping later.  In any case, he doesn’t have their backs when it comes to marriage – at least not anymore:

from CBS News:

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has signed a pledge sponsored by the National Organization for Marriage promising to support a federal constitutional amendment “defining marriage as the union of one man and one woman.”

Wait, there’s more!

The pledge also includes promises to vigorously defend the Defense of Marriage Act in courts – something the Obama administration has decided not to do – and nominate Supreme Court and federal judges who “reject the idea our Founding Fathers inserted a right to gay marriage into our Constitution.”

Does the pledge really use the word, ‘insert?’ Because if it does, that’s awesome.  It’s just hard (awesome!) for me to believe that someone running for president signed this nonsense – well, I knew Michelle Bachman would – but all of them?  Anyway, if anyone wouldn’t sign, I thought it would be Mitt… but here we are.  I also like that Romney, as a Mormon, is signing a pledge to tell people who and how they can get married…  he knows he’s Mormon, right?  I know that the Mormon’s officially abandoned polygamy in the late nineteenth/early twentieth century, but that’s not exactly a long time ago.

3.  Mitt Romney thinks we’re not spending enough on our military and aren’t intervening enough in foreign conflicts.
I honestly don’t know what country Mitt Romney thinks he’s running for president in – maybe Canada?  I don’t know.  But he seriously believes we need to spend more on our military (despite the fact that we spend more than the rest of the world COMBINED, including China) and “Romney called for America to lead multilateral organizations and alliances.”  Does he seriously think we’re not doing that already?  Or just not enough?  Ugh.  Somebody get this guy a newspaper or an iPad or a functioning set of eyes and ears!

4. 
Mitt Romney has flip-flopped on basically every major issue Republicans have cared about over the last twenty or so years.
I think this is why the Republicans keep going on their ‘anybody but Mitt’ searches – ask John McCain about this!
Mitt Romney used to…

  • be Pro Choice – he’s Pro Life now
  • be for Gay Rights – he’s since signed the pledge
  • favor new gun laws – now he loves the NRA
  • favor campaign finance reform – now… “The American people should be free to advocate for their candidates and their positions without burdensome limitations.”
  • fuck it, if you want to read more, go here.

Or, enjoy some quotes from the man himself:

5.  Mitt Romney drove from Boston to Canada with his dog strapped to the roof of his station wagon.
In 1983 (when he was 36 years old), he put his Irish Setter, Seamus, in a crate, strapped the crate to the roof of the aforementioned station wagon, designed some sort of wind-shield to protect the crate and therefore make the journey more tolerable, and then hit the road.  Apparently, he had to make a quick pit stop when the dog shit himself and it rolled down the car windows.  This is not the stuff of internet rumor:  it’s true!

seamus-mitt-romney-dog-roof-of-car

Seamus: “If I don’t take care of these cats, Mitt will tie me to the roof of the space shuttle.”

If you were holding onto some sort of hope that Mitt Romney was an intelligent, candid man who could admit when he’s wrong… well, I’m sorry for you.

But on the campaign trail in Pennsylvania Thursday, Romney defended his chosen mode of transportation for the family dog.

“He scrambled up there every time we went on trips, got in all by himself and enjoyed it,” Romney said of the Irish Setter.

Yeah, Seamus enjoyed the trip up there, presumably right up until he shit himself.  Also, I think he just inadvertently admitted he put the poor dog up there more than once…  I really thought it was just the one time.
Bonus!  My favorite Mitt Romney quote:
“I began [hunting] when I was 15 or so and I have hunted those kinds of varmints [rodents, rabbits] since then. More than two times.”
So he’s been hunting for decades and is sure that he’s actually gone hunting ‘more than two times.’  That’s frigging AWESOME!

BONUS!  10 Things Mitt Romney’s Republican Primary Opponents Said About Bain

more Lists at creativejamie.com/category/lists/

more Election 2012 at creativejamie.com/category/election-2012/

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