I know, this Paco Rabanne commercial is confusing, but don’t worry – I’m gonna break this shiz down for you.
1. Don’t keep your woman locked in a vault. Besides all of the obvious moral objections, you’ll literally go to jail for a thousand years. (Anytime anyone says anything about “a thousand years,” I think of that song from Twilight .)
Ah, Christmas – the time of year when we express our love and appreciation for each other by exchanging gifts. I think we all agree that Christmas is good stuff, but at times, the gift giving can get overshadowed by the actual gift procuring. We’ve all been there – sometimes, finding the perfect gift is a royal pain in the butt, BUT fear not, because Old Cousin Big Foot has arrived to folk art up your life! Check out his store for original, one of a kind folk art gifts that will certainly not end up in the closet with last year’s sweater. Stand out from the crowd and hang with Old Cousin Big Foot!
I’ll be blogging tonight LIVE from Rockefeller Center as we count down to tonight’s lighting of the Christmas tree!
I hope everybody had a great Christmas – I sure did, as you will see. Whoever said it is better to give than to receive didn’t get these nerdy Christmas gifts that prove once and for all that some people just get me. Here’s what I got in no particular order:
Every once in a while, a product comes along that I wish I’d invented. Such as is the case today:
See, I thought it was cutting edge to give somebody a CD and put it in a dishwasher box that included a printer paper box full of rocks… Well, these prank gift boxes have handed me my ASS! I salute you, my betters. Well done.
This looks like fun, right? I like the idea of playing air hockey on an ordinary table. But it’s so much more than that – it has so much to teach us!
It turns out that Air Hockey games think we’re all idiots. Check this out:
Display all of your holiday cards by using ribbon, tape and wooden clothespins to hang them or decorate your stairwell.
Well we never would have figured that one out, would we? Brilliant! That is Yoda like wisdom!
Build a gingerbread house and use that as your holiday table centerpiece.
Oh, that is an amazing suggestion! Because there’s nothing easier than building a gingerbread house, but see, we screw up when we just start devouring the damn thing the second we’re finished constructing it!
Buy solid-colored wrapping paper and markers to decorate each present with a personalized holiday design.
What year do you think it is, Air Hockey game? 1991? Are we trying to make everything funky fresh or something? That is the lamest idea ever.
Anyway, I was going to buy this until I found their crappy advice on the back, so now I’ll never know how well it works.
We were at Target, it was an hour or so before closing and the place was deserted. Low and behold, I spotted a Wii U demo unit and my eyes lit up. Wii U, like Wii before it, was something I’d seen, but didn’t really understand. Once I actually played with a Wii, I thought, “Oh, I get what they’re doing here.” I’m assuming I’ll have a similar experience with the Wii U… but FUCKING TARGET WON’T LET ME! As you can see in the above image (look where I”m pointing with my slightly disfigured finger tip, there is a ‘play demo’ and ‘video’ option – except the ‘play demo’ option is not available! For any of the games! It’s greyed out, making this thing a big giant hands on You Tube video, WHICH IS NOT WHAT I FUCKING NEED TO MAKE A DECISION ON BUYING A $350 GAME CONSOLE!!!