Hells yeah - I'd vote for that!

Ha - Sarah Palin! Way to read the Tea Leaves!

I imagine that the conversation on who to put in here went something like, “Look, we can’t fit nine, so we have to draw the the line somewhere… who do you want?  Rick Perry or Newt Gingrich?”  I imagined someone vomited and said, “Yuck!  Go with Perry, I guess.  At least he has a soul…  well, probably.”

If you're not wearing a tie, this pose just doesn't work. Sorry, ladies.

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War Games (1984)

Matthew Broderick stars as a computer geek in the first age of personal modems in War Games, one of the first movies that takes a look at the idea of computers getting too much control. David (Broderick) thinks he is playing a computer game over the internet (and I use the term ‘internet’ loosely) by running the program remotely, but he’s actually playing against an artificial intelligence named ‘Joshua,’ who is an American military super computer and may or may not think David has just ordered an attack on the United States.  I don’t think it’s the best paced movie I’ve ever seen, but Broderick and Ally Sheedy carry it well.  It’s the sort of movie everybody has to see once.  If you’re older, it has great nostalgic value; if you’re younger, check out how sad computers used to be – even dial up AOL users will laugh at the way David connects to the internet.

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"Never leave home without it." Sigh.

I guess I can’t hate on the credit card too much because Batman likes to gamble, and when he gambles, he goes to Las Vegas, and when he goes to Las Vegas, he plays the Batman slot machine game.  Obviously, The Dark Knight had a huge theatrical release and made huge bank at the box office.  This, as any big blockbuster, lends itself to a  flood of merchandise, roller coasters and of course, slot machines.  It makes, sense, right?  Well… no, it doesn’t make sense.  Not at all.  It sounds like something I made up, so I took a bunch of photos just so people wouldn’t think I was lying.

This is on the back of each seat.

There are two different games you can choose from.

The Batman game.

The Joker game.

This is on the side of each machine.

And for your Joker enthusiasts, you can partake in Joker’s Heist.

It kinda sucks that Heath Ledger’s photo is plastered all over this crap, but I guess people sign their likeness away; we say games featuring the following movie/TV themes:

• I Love Lucy
• Star Trek
• Wheel of Fortune (that makes sense)
• the aforementioned Batman stuff
• Ghostbusters
• The Wizard of Oz
• Lord of the Rings

I’m sure I’m leaving a bunch of other ones out.

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Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004)

I imagine that during pre-production of Captain America, the producers sat down and watched Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow and the Rocketeer just so they were clear on what NOT to do.  Gweneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie and Ewan McGregor in the title role just aren’t enough to bring this highly stylized bit of old school sci-fi fantasy adventure to life in a way that you’ll believe – it’s too digital, it’s too silly and it just doesn’t work. Oh, and the robots look like they’re straight out of the Superman cartoon from the 1940s – it’s so obvious that I’m not the only dork who noticed..

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Saw (2004)

A movie about a killer who doesn’t actually do any killing but forces his victims to carry out the deed on their own sounds intriguing, but it’s not.  This should be a simple movie with a villain whose motivation is clear, but it’s not.  Cary Elwes and Danny Glover are in this movie, so it should be decent, BUT IT’S NOT.  If you love horror movies, give it a look, but everyone else should steer clear.  Saw is the worst title for a movie ever – as soon as you see the trailer, you know exactly how the movie is going to end.

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Rain Man (1988)

Dustin Hoffman taught us all about where he buys his under wear in Rain Man, the performance that won him the Academy Award Award.  Tom Cruise portrays Charlie Babbit, a prick with money woes who learns he has a brother (Hoffman) when his father dies and leaves all money to Raymond, an autistic-savant. It’s a road movie with a lot of heart and a great performance by Hoffman, but in some ways, it’s almost a performance seeking a story.  Rain Man isn’t really about the plot, it’s about the characters and their relationships, and sure, this is important in any movie, but you should at least care about what happens in the end…  but whatever, it’s a movie with a ton of montages and good acting, and I recommend it.

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The Princess Bride (1987)

This is the first flick I’d guess most people saw starring Cary Elwes, and it might be hist best movie.  (Nevertheless, anything he does gets my seal of approval – check out The Pentagon Wars…  not so much Saw.) He carries a film like a champ. Co staring the beautiful Robin Wright Penn as Buttercup and narrated by Peter Falk as the grandfather and Fred Savage as the grandson, this movie has been delighting both young and old for years. I could go on and on and sing the praises of the cast, the directing and the Fire Swamp and it’s three terrors, but do yourself a favor and see this movie for yourself.  It has something for everybody – that’s why you’ll see this flick rebroadcasted on every cable channel from comedy central to women’s entertainment. Anyway, the TV Guide one sentence summary would probably go something like, “Buttercup has decided to marry the prince after her true love’s death only to be kidnapped twice before she can be wed.“

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Newt Gingrich was disgusted that the first question of the night concerned the interview his second wife had given NBC that same day. He might not think his personal life is relevant (particularly since he maintains his second wife’s claims concerning Newt asking for an open marriage are not true), but when you’re having an affair with a member of your staff while you’re impeaching the President for lying about an affair he had with a member of his staff… well, that’s a horse of a different color, ain’t it? I think it is. Still, I don’t care about the infidelity – that’s none of my business, although it does call your character into question. What does concern me is the hypocrisy the man bathes in, like a dateless kid wearing too much cologne at the junior prom.

I’m surprised how effective Newt’s badgering of Mitt Romney and his tax returns has been – Mitt seems to be a bit on edge. I don’t know why Mitt won’t release the documents, but I suspect it has something to do with Mitt’s strategy of trying to relate to the common man despite being a multimillionaire. (Or is it billionaire? I forget.) Does Mitt really think we’ll view him differently if we know how much he’s worth? Or, more to the point, view Mitt differently then Newt? It won’t matter, because Newt and Mitt are both rich guys – who cares which one is richer? In 2005, the average median income was $32,140 for people over the age of 25. Newt Gingrich made over $2 million dollars last year alone. If Mitt is worth a hundred times Newt’s 2011 earnings, does that make Newt more relatable to the average American? I think not – they’re just two rich guys.

So choose your rich guy wisely, South Carolina – or just vote for Herman Cain.

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O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)

Based on The Odyssey (for all those who slept through english comp in college, that’s the one after the war (The Iliad) when he’s trying to get home), the Coen brothers deliver a musical and yet carefully dress it as a comedic drama. I really enjoyed this one; the story, the twists, and the performances (led by a George Clooney) are all top notch. Everything just works, and John Goodman is a great surprise; the best reveal in the movie, probably. Don’t miss this.

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Ocean’s Twelve (2004)

George Clooney returns as Danny Ocean in a sequal they could have left on the shelf, though it’s not a total waste of time. Andy Garcia’s Terry Benedict is pissed about Ocean’s Eleven cleaning out his vault and has decided to collect on this. This would have worked better as a plot motivator if they’d found a way to convey more menace from Benedict’s goons, but with so much star power in the movie, it’s pretty hard to find screen time for the smaller roles. It’s a star studded parade and some good laughs, but they left the door wide open for another shameless sequal and I hope to God that they can’t get all these players together again with their wacky hollywood schedules. We’ll have to see.  (Sigh.  Of course, we now know that a sequel did come to pass.)

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