That’s right, kids – the journey into the imagination is OVER!  Move along!  Nothing to see here!

Sorry, everybody:  The Circle of Life is closed.  This is the Apocalypse!  It’s all over!  Flee for your lives!

The Brown Derby
Though pricey, TheBrown Derby had an excellent vegan option in a noodle bowl that was topped with a piece of coconut incrusted tofu. I could have used a bigger piece of tofu (the tofu was really excellent, and I wouldn’t call myself a guy who loves tofu), but the noodles and the sauce that accompanied them were great, so I had no trouble eating that. Our waiter was knowledgeable and understood what we meant by ‘vegan’ to the point that he even brought us oil and balsamic vinegar rather than butter when the bread showed up. Again, two entrees and two beers cost us a small fortune, but the food was great.

Miscellaneous Veggie Burger
Although we did not try it, several locations apparently offer a veggie burger (although it looked like the ABC Commissary did not, but the outdoor spots by The Tower of Terror do as does one of the other sit down restaurants… the one with the cars, I think… Sci-Fi Dine-In Theater Restaurant?), and the veggie burger comes with cheese, so you’ll have to ask them to leave that off. Again, we’ve never tried this, so we don’t know all the ins and outs – for example, if you get a veggie burger at the magic kingdom, you have to ask for a vegan bun or forgo the bun all together.

Outside of Popcorn and Pretzels…
That’s about it. You can get also get a pickle as well as fresh fruit in several spots, and there are some all fruit frozen options (or so the sign says), but that’s about it. Ultimately, you don’t go to MGM to eat, but instead, for the few attractions they offer that are worth checking out: Tower of Terror, Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster, Toy Story Midway Mania, Star Tours (new version) and maybe The Muppets 3D, but they’ve been running that same movie since the park opened, and I’ve seen it a zillion times, so we skipped it on our last trip. The rest of the park is a dud – just get there in the morning, get a Fast Pass for Toy Story, hit the other aforementioned attractions, maybe have lunch in between if you have to (or just want to spend the crazy fortune that the Brown Derby costs), but don’t waste your time on anything else. And if you’re really hungry for vegan food, have a meal at one of the other parks!

This storm just kinda rolled in on us as we were walking on the beach.  We got back to the hotel in time, but only just.  Lots of lighting!

I guess it’s worth mentioning that hotel room doors have gone through an evolution over the years.  From regular keys to slide cards to tap cards, hotel room doors have kept up with technology in a way I couldn’t of foreseen.

This, however, I didn’t see coming.
What the hell is this?  Who is it for?  The extreme visual learner, I guess…  The person who can remember the picture on their door, but not the number.  Crazy.  You win again, hotel room doors.  Keep evolving.

Since United Airlines and Continental Airlines merged, they really nickel and dime you about everything:  food, blankets, pillows, tv, seats and so on.  But they’re also very classist, too.
We’ve all heard of flying first class or coach, but United has so many levels of class that it will make your head spin.  This last time we flew, they called it Economy Plus, which just means they gave us a humane amount of leg room.  They’re even nuts about the way they board the plane!
Any time you fly United, they’ll find about five ways to separate you from your fellow travelers – and it’ll feel dirty.

I presume they mean they’ll provide some means of birth control and screen you for STDs… but I guess that doesn’t really pop on a banner ad.  It makes more sense to say ‘keeping you safe for romance,’ which sounds to me like, “Don’t forget to stretch before you bang!” or “make an appointment” so they can help you get in the proper shape so you don’t pull a muscle or something.

Maybe a better question is, why does planned parenthood need to run a banner campaign?  Do people really not know that planned parenthood exists?  I admit, I’m not really sure where my local branch is, but I’m sure a quick Google search would take care of that.  I guess it’s for the kids.  Kids these days, huh?  With the X-Box and the Facebook and the what not… and they don’t know… what the sex… is all about!

Check out more Truth in Advertising posts

Coffee prevents brain aging?  Drinking Starbucks (specifically Starbucks?) will make you lose weight?  Come on, Womans World…  I’d say, “you’re better than that,” but I guess we all know that’s not true.

I’ve been entertained by a commercial. I can’t believe it. Mind blown. Perspective on life altered.

Mr. Spock and Mr. Spock are back together again and this time, it’s for all the marbles – or who buys lunch. I’m not sure if there’s anything funnier than Leonard Nimoy cursing. What can you say? I’m not going to run out and buy an Audi, but this ad more than exceeded my expectations.

Not sure what this has to do with the product, per say (except that Leonard Nimoy’s car can’t fit a set of golf clubs in it’s trunk as easily as Zachary Quinto’s car can), but there you go.

The animation style (which is not well represented by the poster image) didn’t grab me and it felt kinda out-of-place with the subject matter – at first.  You see, Superman vs. The Elite spends a lot of time discussing whether the ideals held by Superman are outdated or not and, if in a world with suicide bombings, war and more than its fair share of disregard for life still had a place for the Man of Steel.  With this struggle between old and new, the big, gawking frame of Superman juxtaposed against the scrawny physique of Manchester Black made for not just a conflict of ideals but a conflict of visuals as well.  Black’s idea of getting the job done at any cost (including murder) is in strict conflict with Superman’s moral code, and this makes for some interesting debate and a straight up killer ending that caught me by surprise.  I wasn’t expecting much after the first few scenes, and then this movie just kept getting better and better until they hit me with this image in the finale:

I’ve already given away too much!

I really enjoyed this movie.  It just assumes you know who Superman/Clark Kent, Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen are and just rolls with the story.  It treats complicated subjects with the dignity it deserves, so you find yourself taking this animated film about a guy in a silly cap and red booties fighting a monster-lady, a drunk magician, an overweight anime character and some guy who looks like he wishes he was the lead singer for The Clash very seriously.

In other words, I enjoyed Superman vs. The Elite immensely, and if dig animated super hero movies, you will, too.  I give it an 8 out of 10.

FAVORITES:
Darmok
This episode is so memorable to me. I love the idea of a species of beings who speak only in metaphor. It’s like they’re from the planet Shakespeare or something – a fantastic, original idea.

Ensign Ro
So, what do you think this episode is about?
Yeah, not a great title, but I like Ensign Ro very much. (And that’s her in Escape from LA, right?) And I like this episode – when Ro and Picard are walking through the refugee camp and Ro gives her jacket to a kid… it’s one of the better looking things we ever see on the show. Most stuff looks so fake on TNG, but the decision to just put some little set pieces in a real location in front of some hills went a long way to making this scene feel right, which gave the episode a lot of weight. When you combine all of this with the story and performances, I think they had the magic formula.

Silicon Avatar
I like any episode that’s Data heavy, but there are some cool shots in this one, and I like the end and how crazy that lady went.

The Game
There goes Riker again, always thinking with his junk. If you haven’t seen it or don’t remember, I won’t give anymore away. I will say that I love this episode, and it has Ashley Judd! (Love Ashley Judd!)

Unification parts 1 and 2
And speaking of guest stars, KA BOOM! Spock in the house! (“Indeed – you have found him.”) And you have to love that little conversation between Spock and Data.

A Matter of Time
TNG didn’t hardly even give us a character like Berlinghoff Rasmussen – he’s a welcome change of pace.

Conundrum
This is one of my favorites – again, love the mystery episodes!

Power Play
The climax of this episode is a group of people walking down a hallway at a moderate pace – and it is AWESOME!

Cause and Effect
This is one of my all time favorite episodes – again, love the nerdy mysteries!

The First Duty
This episode is ‘action packed,’ so to speak. Every scene is full of interesting stuff to the point that when you think back on it, you’d swear it was a two parter. Also, this episode has one of my favorite Picard speeches.

The Next Phase
This episode is Ensign Ro heavy and has a very Tom Sawyer-ish ending. Hmm, maybe the writers like Mark Twain…

The Inner Light
Like “The First Duty,” this episode feels like a two parter. If you’ve never seen it, go check it out RIGHT NOW. If you already have, you know how awesome it is. It’s all about the penny whistle!

Time’s Arrow parts 1 and 2
Yep, the writers like Mark Twain – they not only found a way to write him into the episode, but made him a major character. And I love how they wrote Guinen in – this episode has it all.

HONORABLE MENTION
Disaster
This episode should probably be under the ‘effing kids’ heading, but I’ve always found it memorable, and I enjoy the Troi sub plot very much.

The Masterpiece Society
They really get their money’s worth out of that cheap looking set, don’t they? It’s a little static, but still, there’s some interesting stuff going on here.

Ethics
This episode is hit and miss for me in some spots, but it’s still pretty good. I like Worf and Crusher, but I can’t stand Alexander. It almost fell under the next category, but it does have some redeeming qualities.

EFFING KIDS…
New Ground
This is the one with the fire, right? Couldn’t Alexander just die in the fire so I don’t have to deal with him anymore?

Hero Worship
There’s some good stuff in this episode, but ugh, the effing kid. I like Data episodes, but this just didn’t work for me.

The Cost of Living
For the love of God, enough with Alexander! Is his dad a producer on the show or something?

WEIRD
Violoations
I guess nobody on the TNG staff thought this was weird because they rehashed part of this plot for Star Trek Nemesis. I know rehashing episode plots was something they did a lot in the TNG movies, but this episode? Yeesh. I’m not so sure the TNG audience is a big fan of mind rape…

The Perfect Mate
Think some of the TNG writing staff is lonely? What a strange concept for an episode.

Imaginary Friend
I appreciated their attempt at making a horror episode, and the kids don’t really bother me in this one, but it just didn’t quiet work for me.

I, Borg
I know everybody likes this one, but Hugh just didn’t win me over. This one is just OK.

The Outcast
I appreciate what they were trying to do here, but the episode is heavy-handed as hell. It’s just beating us over the head with the message a little too hard.

more Star Trek The Next Generation posts

Note: I already talked about “The Best of Both Worlds” in the TNG Season 3 post, so we’ll skip that one.

Family
TNG didn’t make a ton of episodes that dove tailed off previous episodes. The show just wasn’t big on arcs, but here, we get to see the impact “The Best of Both Worlds” had on Picard. Very interesting, character driven episode!

Brothers
Brent Spiner’s doing his thing, playing both Data and Lore and Dr. Noonien Soong! It’s just great fun, and, from a character standpoint, Data realizes he’s not inferior to Lore, despite not having the ability to feel true emotion.

Remember Me
I love the Dr. Crusher heavy episodes, and this one is my favorite, by far. I left “The Host” off the list because you folks don’t need to deal with my Dr. Beverly crush, but this episode is friggin awesome!

Future Imperfect
I love it when Riker gets frustrated, and this episode is certainly full of that! And, TNG mysteries are fun, so this episode is tailor-made for me.

Data’s Day
It’s just that – a day in the life of Data. Fascinating! And we get to see him make that horrible face when Dr. Crusher teaches him how to dance.

Clues
This episode is genius. I love the problem and the solution. It’s one of their better mystery episodes.

Galaxy’s Child
Although this episode is pushing the plot forward about this space dwelling alien, it’s really about Geordi and a previous episode, during which he met a holodeck version of Dr. Leah Brahms, but the real Dr. Leah Brahms shows up, and things get real. It’s good stuff.

Night Terrors
Again, love the TNG mystery episodes, and this one does not disappoint. We are always shouting “Where are you? I’m trying to find you! To tell you!” around the house. (Not a very flattering angle for Troy.)

The Nth Degree
Why’s this episode on the list? Because Barclay kicks ass, that’s why! There just weren’t enough Barclay episodes for my taste.

Qpid
Any episode that features Q is a good one and like Barclay, there just weren’t enough Q episodes for my taste, but maybe that’s why they’re all so special.

more Star Trek The Next Generation posts

So… what do we have here? It’s talking fruit, that’s what! Oranges: Revenge of the Eggplant is a comedy/action-adventure by Red Letter Media that… well… it’s something, put it that way.

An aging scientist leaves the front lines of war and is teaching college and his Alma mater. Here, we meet the students (a stoner, a jackass, a stripper and a cyberneticist) as well as some of the faculty, and finally, the evil eggplant guy. That’s part of the problem here – although the characters are fairly clear, it’s hard to get to know them beyond their stereotype. Mix in some pacing issues and the fact that only one character has a mouth that actually moves gives you a big bowl of something that can be tough to watch at times.

On the other hand, the practical nature of what’s happening is a lot of fun. I really like all of the sets and the character designs and some of the clever methods that were used to move characters around. The strip club was especially funny. However, I would have liked them to have gone a step further on the design of the zombies. Another thing that would have helped a lot was if they’d tried to do some mouth and eye moving animation in post production. Something that even looked like the first season of South Park would have helped a lot and maybe would have enabled some close-ups and other things to break up monotony.

The movie does address a lot of different issues, including violence, substance abuse and race. I particularly enjoyed one character telling another that they were “a fruitist!” (And he was totally being a fruitist!) On the other hand, I did get a bit confused when it came to how they were juxtaposing the fruit with our own human races.

Here’s the racial breakdown:

oranges = white people
apples = black people
bananas = middle eastern people
and the pears, lettuce and eggplant? No idea.

The story doesn’t really have problems, but I think the editing and pacing made me lose interest, and I do think the lack of character movement took me out of the movie. It’s not that the characters don’t move – in fact, sometimes they move a lot, and in these scenes, they might have held on some shots for too long because there was so much cool stuff going on, they just didn’t’ want to cut away – but changing expression meant they had to set up an entire new orange or apple (or whatever), and I guess that was too time consuming to do very often.

I can’t say this is a great movie, but if you like this sorta thing (or just like looking at movies like Team America: World Police), you should definitely check it out. I give Oranges: Revenge of the Eggplant a 6 out of 10.

After our first two episodes, I suddenly had a desire to mix it up and bring you a fully scripted skit that tells the story of what happens when two people disagree on a movie and things get out of hand.  Why?  Why not, I guess.  I imagine everyone is going to see Iron Man 3 anyway, and I get the feeling that it’s not going to be the sort of film that merits a lot of discussion, so whatever – I decided we should just punch each other instead of talking.

Just about everything was filmed over a 4+ hour day, during which I got a ton of help from Dr. Girlfriend, who manned the camera (shooting over 100 shots), George’s Misses (aka Alakazam), who was our script supervisor and extra set of hands (this included but was not limited to applying blood to my face and moving lights), and of course George, who had to throw a zillion punches and had stage direction firing at him from all sides.  As for me, after the first time I threw myself on the floor (we filmed this in order – mostly because I’m an idiot and not for any good reason, like make up continuity), I was in a ton of pain for the rest of the day.  There was another sequence that we filmed but I cut featuring a light saber fight.  The video came out all grainy, so I decided to leave well enough alone, but maybe I’ll put it all back together again, special edition style.  The spit blood was Hawaiian Punch and the blood on my face was corn syrup mixed with red and blue food dye.

The video is filled to the brim with references, so I made a list.

REFERENCES

Angry Video Game Nerd - the entire episode is, at best, a reference to the AVGN episode “Crazy Castle” and at worst a blatant ripoff.  (It also brings the “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” episode to mind…)  I wrote the box thing in just to hammer the point home.

Street Fighter 2 – What fight would be complete without some Street Fighter moves?  Street Fighter 2 is easily one of my top fight favorite fighting games – friggin awesome.  So, I had to throw a Shoryuken and  Tiger Upper Cut in there.

The Matrix/every cowboy movie ever
I was modelling this shot after the shot in The Matrix, and they modeled theirs after…  whatever cowboy movie happened to be lying around.  Shots like that are a Sergio Leone specialty.

Star Trek:  First Contact
I just like this scene and I had an opportunity to write it in, so I did.  If I could have fit “The line must be drawn here!  This far, no farther!” I would have.

Wolverine
Of course, Wolverine calls people bub in comics, TV and movies, but I think I was specially referencing the first X-Men movie.

Empire Strikes Back
The gun shaking around like Luke’s lightsaber, the “Impressive, most impressive” line George delivers.. that’s all Empire.

Who Am I?
The shin kicking references a scene in Jackie Chan’s Who Am I? where… two characters kick each other in the shins.  A lot.  I just like that movie – it’s underrated.

Apocalypse Now
I didn’t do a Marlon Brando delivery on the line “The horror!  The horror!” because it didn’t fit with the scene, but yeah, that’s why I threw that in there.  Love that flick, despite it’s non-vegan friendly ending.

Troll 2
“Oh my God!”  Just go to YouTube and search “Troll 2 Oh My God!” and you’ll get a million hits, all of the same thing.

Karate Kid Part 3
That whole ‘Quick Silver Fighting Method’ speech is from this movie.  What a fun movie – the villains are all out of their minds – it’s stupid and a complete retread of the first one, but the bad guys are insane, so it’s fun.

Twins
That ‘third rule in a crisis situation’ is how the heroes escape the bad guy at the end of Twins.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
When Casey Jones is getting his ass kicked by Tatsu, he tells him, “That’s gonna cost you, Tinker Bell!”  They’re cheesy, but I love his one liners.

Batman Forever
When George tells me that “That was for my father, mother, my brother!  And this one’s for me!” he’s just helping me replay the ending of Batman Forever – it’s the scene where Robin kicks Two Face’s ass.

THE “Warrior” SCENE
If this didn’t make any sense to you, then you’re lucky, because there was a point in time when you couldn’t go to the movies without hearing this song before the film started for several years.  It was driving me nuts, but I did appreciate the fact that it was upfront about telling people who joining the National Guard meant you would probably have to go over seas at some point, even though that makes no sense.  (Because it’s right in the name… National Guard!)  Anyway, I didn’t like Kid Rock before that song, and I fucking hate him now.

TECHNICAL NOTES:
This was filmed using a Canon VIXIA HF M300 and edited in Adobe Premiere CS 5.5.   We used three lights: an old ground row light, a 1000 LED light and a 500 LED light.  We used the mic camera mic instead of the boom mic like we usually do.  I decided that because of all the action, the mic would just get in the way and eat up time and although the boom mic performs well on its own, it doesn’t work well with this particular camera.  I looped one or two lines.  Some of the sound effects are stock, but a few I created, foley style.  I created all of the titles in Adobe Premier, but I did some additional work in Adobe Photoshop as well.

A scientist, a hunter, a punk rocker and a guy who turns into a gorilla when he gets mad are living in suburbia when alien’s show up to steal the scientist’s greatest invention and use it to destroy the earth – yeah, that’s Gorilla Interrupted for ya.

"A scientist, a hunter, a punk rocker and a guy who turns into a gorilla when he gets mad" sounds like it should be followed by "walk into a bar," but as I mentioned, they’re attacked by aliens. There’s some laughs here and some funny effects – hmm. It’s hard to explain the charm that Gorilla Interrupted conveys. It helps that the characters are seemingly aware that they’re in a ridiculous situation (well, the hunter might not be aware), so this helps the audience understand what they’re seeing. After all, it is a movie with dudes in rubber alien masks – not to mention the devil. Yeah, the devil – and there’s a line in this movie where someone yells out "Holy shit! Monkey Man’s gonna fight Satan!" It’s that kinda movie.

For the most part, I enjoyed the movie, particularly the first act – it flowed nicely. The movie experiences some pacing issues as it goes on, particularly in the climactic scene in hell where they just kept cutting to things because the scene was underdeveloped and there just wasn’t anything else to do… Still, it’s not like it’s Birdemic or something – far from it. Overall, Gorilla Interrupted is a good time. I give it a 7.5 out of 10.

If you’re not familiar with Red Letter Media, they’re the guys who bring you the Plinkett Reviews and Half in the Bag as well as Best of the Worst. This Gorilla Interrupted Remastered Edition DVD includes a documentary about the original shoot and the new version entitled How Not to Make a Movie, which essentially gives you the sage piece of advice that trying to make a feature length film in 7 days with four people that have the flu is probably not going to be a good time.

EXECUTIVE #1
Hey, we’re going to start this new action-fantasy franchise!

EXECUTIVE #2
Great, what’s it called?

EXECUTIVE #1
Jumper!

EXECUTIVE #3
As in a sweater?

EXECUTIVE #1
No, as in a person who can teleport – or jump - from one place to the next!

EXECUTIVE #2
That sounds really exciting!

EXECUTIVE #3
Really exciting!

EXECUTIVE #1
So who should we get to headline this new franchise?

EXECUTIVE #2
Hayden Christensen.

EXECUTIVE #3
Definitely Hayden Christensen!

EXECUTIVE #2
Obviously! The last time he headlined a franchise, it worked out so well!

So yeah, that’s what we’re dealing with here: Hayden Christensen starring in a movie that’s clearly supposed to be the first in a series of Jumper pics, but despite a strong showing at the box office, it’s been five years and still no Jumper 2: Double Dutch or whatever the sequel was going to be called. It’s just as well – the flick is nothing special.

Christensen stars (Max Thieriot gets screen time as Christensen’s 15 year old counter park) along with co stars Rachel Bilson (who?), Samuel L. Jackson (what’s wrong with your head?), Jamie Bell (holy shizzle, it’s Billy Elliot!), Diane Lane (cast because I guess she was going to be in the sequel…) and Kristen Stewart for about 30 seconds (I guess because she was going to be in sequel… and there aren’t enough people with open months in this movie), and it’s not as if anyone is bad in this (although again, Stewart is barely in it) and the movie isn’t boring…

It’s just… I dunno. You can watch it. It’s not boring. That’s about it. It has ‘watchability,’ as we say around here. It’s the Coors Light of movies. There’s some interesting ideas at play here, but there’s too many cliches: the mean kid at school, the sex scene, the dad (What the hell happened to the dad, anyway? Did he die? Never saw him again… And what would Jackson and his goons kill him?), the police, the bar fight… it’s just a big ol ball of cliches.

And then there’s the the jumping. I insist on calling Christensen’s character Jumper as I just can’t remember his character’s name – and the mean kid at school kept calling him Rice Cake or something like that, so maybe his last name was Rice…Anyway, how did Jumper know how to jump to the hospital? In the rules of the movie, you have to know what the place looks like to jump there, hence all of the pictures. See, they’d look at the pictures and they’d jump to that place. But when it’s time to jump to the hospital, he just jumps there. I guess you can have things memorized, but Jumper hadn’t lived there in 8 years… or maybe it was his a hospital somewhere else… I dunno. What I’m saying is, sometimes they made a big deal of using the pictures to jump, and other times, they didn’t use pictures at all. Not sure what the difference was… Or why they didn’t keep the pictures in a binder they could take with them instead of hanging them all over the walls… seems kinda careless that way.

There’s not much you can say in the way of positive criticism in reference to Jumper. The movie doesn’t have any amazing performances, action sequences, special effects, compelling story or anything like that.. it just exists, and the flick won’t bore you to tears while you’re watching it.

Check out Jumper if you must. I give it a 6 out of 10.

It was strangely fun to be in a room full of people who were excited to watch a 20-year-old TV show, but the presenters did their best to f-ck it up. Before things got started, they had a slide show running that showed both trivia and screen grabs illustrated how they had cleaned up TNG for its blu ray release. This was fine, but before they got to the feature presentation, they kept showing commercials and a documentary about the episode we were about to watch, which pretty much reminded me of everything I’d forgotten – which would have happened anyway when they showed the episodes in a few minutes! There’s not much drama to be experienced when you’re about to watch a 20-year-old episode of a TV show, but the presenters certainly did their best to kill it. After the feature, they treated us to a season 3 gag reel, which was fun, but of course, they dropped another blu ray commercial on us. I guess they weren’t satisfied with the money we’d already shucked out for the tickets and the fact that we came to the theater to watch something we have at home on DVD.

Still, we had fun. There was only one fan in a Star Trek uniform, but I wasn’t really expecting any in the first place. I caught a few t-shirts, but that’s where the hardcore Star Trek fans drew the line. I was also very impressed with the male to female ratio – it was fairly even.

Despite my bitching, I’m hoping they keep this trend up as I’m especially looking forward to seeing All Good Things, the TNG finale, on the big screen.

Have a good day… live long and prosper or whatever.

“Who Watches the Watchers”
Part of this plot got recycled into the feature film Star Trek: Insurrection. I guess it’s that good – and this episode might not have the action that Insurrection has, but it’s certainly has better writing.

“Booby Trap”
This is the one where the Enterprise gets stuck in a trap set for starships and Geordi has to work with a holodeck representation of one of the Enterprise’s designers, who he falls in love with. It’s weird, but interesting.

“The Defector”
In this episode, a Romulan defector arrives on the Enterprise to warn of a coming invasion that threatens the quadrant with war… and it was a trap to test the defector’s loyalty. He sacrificed everything because he thought a war with the Federation would be stupid and the Romulans laid a trap for him that he couldn’t resist. This episode might make my all time favorites list.

“Déjà Q”
Q is stripped of his power and becomes a human and discovers eating. Any Q episode is a good time.

“A Matter of Perspective”
I love trial episodes, and this episode features great face palms from both Picard and Riker!

“Yesterday’s Enterprise”
This episode is the shit! It’s one of my favorite episodes of any TV show, ever. It’s awesome. It should be in a museum.

“The Offspring”
Data wants a kid, so he makes one. Intriguing!

“Hollow Pursuits”
My favorite side character, Lt Barkley, is hiding from reality in the holodeck… with fictional versions of his shipmates. Hilarious antics ensue.

“Captain’s Holiday”
Picard goes on a vacation, but his paths cross with an antiquities hunter with a taste for adventure… and danger. (that’s right, I elipsied ‘danger’ – deal with hit)

“The Most Toys”
For some reason, I just love the rich asshole who plays the collector and his bizarre desire to keep Data sitting in a chair in his lounge.

“The Best of Both Worlds”
The Borg kidnap Picard, assimilate him and use him as a counterpart between themselves and humanity. That is how you end a season!

You might be surprised I didn’t pick “Sarek,” and I love the character, so I was tempted, but the episode is extremely predictable, even for a an episode of Star Trek. Good performances, just not what I’m looking for in a story.

more Star Trek The Next Generation posts

NO ONE.

In any case, I’m sure they’ll keep trying, and I’ll be here, ready, with my trusty delete button of justice.

I imagine this Person got a birthday card that went something like:

Monday was Earth Day,
Today is your birthday,
So, we wasted a ton of paper in your honor.

PS:  the tape we used is ruining your paint job.

Still, I use Facebook (and other social media) to support the site (“Like CreativeJamie.com on Facebook!  Get immediate updates for each new post, site news and more!  Like CreativeJamie.com on Facebook!“) and I will look in from time to time to see what my ‘friends’ are posting in the news feed.  I need to stop doing that.

There are lots of different kinds of people on Facebook.  Here are a few I notice in my news feed:

The Reporter:  The Reporter tells you what’s going on in their life and the world.  This varies from the extremely obvious (“Crazy what’s going on in Boston!”) to what they had for lunch (and the obligatory picture) or the fact that Futurma is probably going to get cancelled again.  (That is weak, by the way.)

The Complainer:  Woe to those that complain on Facebook.  And I specifically mean the people who put bizarre, one-sided, anti-informational things about their relationship on Facebook.  Stuff like, “I’m so over this already.”  Yeah, we don’t know what ‘this’ is, so you’re just wasting our time, and yours.  Hey, here’s a tip on why your relationship if f-cked*:  you’re communicating through Facebook!

“I’m soooooo Witty!”  Ugh, these f-cking* guys.  Look, we get it – most people in the world just can’t be bothered to do even the slightest bit of reading on a topic before making a stupid comment.  But then, these f-cking* guys go all Facebook Rambo on them – and they don’t do it to educate, they do it to show everyone how smart they are.  That’s why we have to put up with this kinda crap:

Yeah, yeah, yeah – you’re a genius.  You figured out that there were domestic terrorists.  Good job.  You’re smart, other people are dumb.  That’s great.  Except…  no, you’re not smart.  You’re just not completely ignorant, and pointing out how smart you are is just dickish.  Your facts aren’t wrong, but you just wrap them up in an asshole wrapper.  Debating nonsense on Facebook is the lowest form of discourse – and besides, that’s what bars are for.

And these folks are always dropping surveys on me:

They want to get in some philosophical debate about whether or not the pledge of allegiance is an indoctrination or an essential act of patriotism, and frankly, I could give two sh-ts.   In fact, I can’t remember the last time I saw poll that I could give one sh_t less about.  Kids can say the Pledge of Allegiance, they can skip it, they can stand there quietly, they can sit and sleep, I COULD GIVE A F-CK LESS WHAT THEY’RE DOING – just make sure they’re learning how to write, how to do math and get them to stop sexting (so p-ssed I know what this word means), and that’ll do.  I know people wish Facebook had a ‘don’t like’ option, but I’m hoping for a “I don’t give a f-ck’ link to click.

This.FB could database what I don’t give a f-ck about and then keep future posts from appearing in my feed.  That would be SWEET!  Or, I could just stop reading the news feed.

I was going to close with a 400 word Facebook post from someone in my news feed that explains how they’re so smart and good at debating and people call this person a know it all, and when did intelligence become a liability, and that sort of thing.  It’s… well, it’s something, so I decided that I would spare you, dear reader.

ASIDE:  As a balding dude (respect the ing!), I often take note of which of my contemporaries still has hair, and this dude does, but it occurs to me that it’s tough to tell when someone has their head that far up their own ass…

Sure did.

The worst part of this entire post is I realize I’ve made the mistake of reading my Facebook news feed before.  How does that thing go about fooling me once, shame on you, fool me twice, stop logging into Facebook?  Something like that.

*does f-cking count as not cursing?  trying to curse less in the posts

42

The movie gives us a glance at about three years in Robinson’s life: his last season with the Kansas City Monarchs, his year in the Brooklyn Dodger’s minor league system and his first season with the Dodgers proper. While the movie does do a good job of showing how hard it must have been for Robinson to resist the temptation to fight back against the constant onslaught of racism, it really doesn’t tell us anything else about him. You know, simple things that all bio pics usually drop in – what his childhood was like, where he was born, where he grew up… there are a few (and by ‘few,’ I mean maybe three) lines of dialogue that serve this need, but they never show us anything – sometimes, they tell us stuff, and that’s just a violation of Story Telling 101. The only thing this movie tells you about Robinson is that he had a temper, held it in check, and was a good baseball player. It never really illustrates how good he really was or how the style of base running he brought from the Negro League to MLB changed the game, or how he felt about his larger than life legend (because the movie ends before that really takes off)… or, really, any of the questions I would have liked a Jackie Robinson movie to answer. For example, they show him running the bases a lot, but they never show anyone else running the bases, so it’s hard for the audience to understand what made Robinson’s base running so special. Things are incomplete or just left out. Here’s another example: I think it’s easy to say that the most famous moment of Robinson’s career was stealing home in the 1955 world series. Yogi Berra still maintains to this day that Robinson was out. Even when looking at the video, it’s still too close to call and is probably the most famous play in baseball (outside of the shot heard round the world) but it didn’t make it in to the movie. This seemed like a logical place for the movie to end, but this movie doesn’t follow story logic. There’s a beginning (or a first act, if you will – we meet the characters, the plot gets set in motion), but there’s not much of a second act, or a point in the film where the protagonist is in a tough spot. I guess it’s when he’s not accepted by some teammates, other baseball players/officials and fans, but it comes off weak from a narrative standpoint, and for a guy who’s life was as dramatic as it was, I think they could have done better. Then there’s the end, when he’s kinda accepted by most people… so I guess that’s it, but it’s not very satisfying and I think a better ending would have been showing Jackson succeeding on baseball’s largest stage… Also, while the baseball action looks good, it’s not shown in a way that fits any kind of narrative – see 61* for baseball scenes that fit into a story. All this adds up to writer/director Brian Helgeland not doing a very good job of setting or executing a story.

I’m mostly done complaining now. As previously mentioned, the performances were great. Chadwick Boseman and Nicole Beharie were both wonderful as the Robinsons and had great chemistry together. I love John C. McGinley, and I’m sure he was emulating a real baseball announcer, but he was putting me to sleep – yet he was still very good. I forget the narrator’s name, but he disappeared for a large chunk of the movie despite that he seemed to be present all the time. Harrison Ford was also great, and I didn’t really fixate on the fact that he was Harrison Ford hardly at all, but his character has way to much screen time. I appreciate that he’s central to the story, but sheesh.

42 isn’t bad, and it’s certainly a must for baseball and biopic fans, but it’s not especially well-developed. I’m giving this flick a 6.5 out of 10.

Green Screen Scene is a new movie review show that will premier in June (ish).  I hate to tease anything that far off, but it’s about as definite as anything I have planned for the future and the set is ready and the first script is finished as well as a second episode planned, so I thought I’d let the cat out of the bag…  Because seriously, who keeps cats in bags?  Not me…  So join me for Green Screen Scene this June!

This flick costars Timothy Dalton (Bond – James Bond!) during his weird “I’m playing non-British Europeans” phase and Lisa Jakub from Mrs. Doubtfire. The film is well cast, but either the script is not especially well written or the director didn’t know how to convey the passing of time, because this movie is awkward as hell. See, as human beings, we get to know each other over time and pick up the subtleties of who we are as people. That happens in this movie, but it happens seemingly between breakfast and lunch rather than over weeks or months. The movie has an uneven flow, but you can still enjoy it as it’s not the most complicated story in the world. And, if you like hammy romance, The Beautician and the Beast is right up your alley – it’s beyond predictable, but I’m giving it an extra half a point for not killing the chicken.

The Beautician and the Beast isn’t going to win any awards, but you can watch it without wanting to poke your eyes out or stuff your ears with cotton balls or something. I give it a 6.5 out of 10.

Chronicle

The trailer for Chronicle led me to believe that this was going to be the Jackass of comic book movies, but in the very first scene, it’s clear that this is not going to be the case. Honestly, how many super hero movies start with child abuse? (In fact, the movie borders on melodrama… like most good comic books do.) Still, even if the entire plot of the movie is telegraphed (outside of them finding… whatever… that does… whatever… to them… still no idea what happened in that scene), the movie really sticks to its guns via the rigid found footage format. It’s a bit convoluted – particularly when that second girl with the camera shows up – but I did like seeing the security camera footage, that sort of thing. The movie also has no score… or virtually no score. There’s certainly music in the party scenes (with which this movie is awash), but that might be it. It’s very stark, but it’s got a quality to it that’s admirable. It takes it self seriously, so the audience takes the movie seriously, even if they can see what’s coming a mile away.

Anyway, what Chronicle lacks in surprises is rectified with the movie’s huge balls. I give it a 7.5 out of 10 and I’d say that all comic book movie fans should check it out.

I took this photo at the post office, and this sign doesn’t look new.  So, we can ascertain that the federal government figured out a long time ago that it didn’t want non law enforcement personnel carrying weapons on their property…  But we should discuss placing guns in schools?  If there’s no room for guns at the post office, should we really surround children with guns?

I’m gonna go ahead and say no…  But on the other hand, a well place police cruiser could certainly be a welcomed addition to any schools security plans.

What’s that, you say? Google Ads is serving all sorts of weird PSAs on CreativeJamie.com? The hell you say….

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I really enjoyed the performances – that and the movies’ underlying tone are what make it so immersive. I’m only familiar with Emma Watson (who dropped at least two British colloquialisms but otherwise wielded a flawless American accent) and she’s brilliant here, but Logan Lerman carries the film with ease. Ezra Miller also makes wonderful contributions.

On the other hand, there’s a lot in this movie that just goes beyond my experience and/or understanding. Drugs just weren’t lying around like that in my high school – even in my senior year. And the aforementioned Senior on Freshman beatings were non-existent, as were the giant houses endless supply of money that just seemed to fall from the sky, but then, I guess the money and the big houses go hand in hand. I’m not exactly sure what Patrick meant when he said his life was an after school special, but maybe that’s because the only after school special I ever sat through from beginning to end was Stood Up. Dr. Girlfriend and I put our heads together and we just couldn’t decide what year this movie took place in. Maybe the early 90s? The hair was much too short for the 80s… The lack of cell phones and the presence of cassette tapes seemed to indicate it couldn’t be any later than the mid to late 90s, but the fashion didn’t seem to hold up on those dates very much. I guess the letters were written to a non-existent ‘friend’ because it was A) a way to show Charlie’s alienation B) the author thought having him writing the letters to his dead friend was too much C) a plot device. Anyway, the climax was interesting, but I’m not sure all of the pieces were there to support it.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower isn’t perfect, but it captures the right emotion and the performances carry the movie through. Check it out – I give Perks an 8.5 out of 10 – and thanks for reminding me of the worst time in my life, assholes! =)

They Live

They Live is a big concept, but could have been better developed, particularly from a character standpoint. Still, there’s a lot to enjoy, even if the pacing is a little slow and the characters aren’t especially interesting. The sun glasses point of view that shows the audience the black and white image that the characters are seeing is a great touch and is probably the most memorable thing about this flick – and it’s ballsy ending. I can’t say They Live is great, but it’s certainly fun and hits all those 80s movies buttons (for example, in the 80s, if your movie was going to get an R rating for language and violence, producers felt that they might as well go the full nine and stick a pair of boobs in there, which this movie squeezes into the very last scene), so it has a certain nostalgic value. I give They Live an 8 out of 10 – a solid B score for a solid B movie that’s worth checking out.

Monsters Inc

I had my expectations dialed down for Monsters Inc because frankly, Pixar movies just don’t do it for me. Given that their most celebrated flicks are the Toy Story franchise and Finding Nemo, I was prepared for boredom. (To explain: I just didn’t care about any of the characters in Toy Story, and since the movie is all about their fate, this made the movie totally boring for me – as for Nemo, well – the movie is called Finding Nemo, so I was fairly certain how that flick would end. And, again, I just couldn’t get invested in the characters.) So we sat down and watched Monsters Inc and I was shocked! The story was clever! The characters were kinda interesting! Their problems were worth solving! The plot was compelling! The resolution was satisfying! I still can’t believe it! Pixar can make a good movie without Brad Bird!

If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s worth checking out. It might be a little intense for the very little children, but this movie is generally fun for the entire family. I’ll give Monsters Inc a 8.5 out of 10, despite the fact that Pixar ripped off the premise from Nickelodeon’s Ah! Real Monsters!

Besides Willis and Thorton (who earned a lot of praise for his performance in this flick, which is a fine performance, but it’s most just Thorton being Thorton – which is what Willis does in most roles, too, come to think of it…), there’s also Cate Blanchett, an unappreciated house wife (whose husband is the most ridiculous character in the history of film) that runs away and, by virtue of plot convenience, hooks up with our thieves and their getaway driver/lookout, Troy Garity. First, it seems that Blanchett loves Willis, but then she loves Thorton, and then, in the final scene after their totally improvable getaway, they seemed to have agreed upon some sort of three-way… I guess. Now all three of these characters are totally selfish, annoying assholes, so that doesn’t make much sense, but that seems to be what the last scene implies. Oh, and Garity marries his girlfriend in the last scene because… I dunno, she kept showing up in earlier scenes and they never talked or did anything, but eventually they did talk, and then, after meeting her maybe once off camera, WIllis and Thorton end up trusting her with their lives, not to mention Garity’s character, who is a total moron.

What can I say? I could rant on and on and point out the many ways in which this movie doesn’t work (Really? That guy has a news magazine show? I can barely understand him! Why would somebody put him on TV?), but let me just say that I thought this movie sucked. I haven’t been this bored by a movie since the Transformers series. But, since it had a beginning, a middle and an end, so I’ll give Bandits a 4 out of 10 just because you can at least follow what’s happening, even if it’s stupid and you don’t care about it.