Category Archives: Politics

Starbucks + Duane Reade + My Butthole = Jade Helm 16


starbucks-duane-reed

America is great because it’s always permissible to talk out of one’s butthole. But the thing is, the internet has turned a shout into an ear rattling ROAR that everyone can hear, even elected officials.  Yeah, Jade Helm 15 – it’s a thing. A real thing.  It’s a devious plan orchestrated buggy the White House to impose Marshall Law on American Citizens by the armed forces sworn to protect them, and just because they’re Republicans!  It’s TRUE!  So true!  The truest thing that’s ever been true!

truthiness

With all this in mind, I bring you Jade Helm 16 – Marshall Law in New York City!  The facts don’t lie! 
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The Slippery Slope that a Gay Marriage Ban could lead to


legal-same-sex-marriage-usa-spreads-over-time

See what I did there in the title?  Folks usually make the argument in reference to legalizing gay marriage being a slippery slope to bedlam, but I’m taking it the other way!  Come at me, bro! 
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Chris Christie is running for president… but not to win


chris-christie-2016

Yeah, I know he hasn’t announced it yet (technically, I did it for him years ago), and I know we’re nowhere near a presidential primary victory for anybody (on the Republican side), but this is what’s going down:  Read the rest of this entry

3 Amazing Facts About American Presidents


american-presidents-facts There’s no subject I love more than U.S. Presidents… except for maybe Star Wars…  Star Wars is awesome.  But anyway, the American Presidents were (and still are) fascinating men.  Here are three facts I betcha didn’t know about George Washington, Lyndon Johnson and John Quincy Adams from “Oh, interesting,” to “Holy Potato Balls!” And just FYI, that reference to “balls” is foreshadowing.   Read the rest of this entry

Obama saves 2 turkeys from a terrible fate



President Obama, in his annual turkey pardoning, said he was saving Mac and Cheese (the turkeys) “from a terrible and delicious fate.”  Now, as someone who advocates for animals, I’m going to ignore the use of the word “delicious” and focus instead on “terrible” and call this a win for my side.
Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving!

A Quick Argument on Voting for the Democrats this Election Day


On Tuesday, November 4th, registered American voters can, in some states, help shape the balance of power in the United States Senate. I don’t spend much time writing about politics on the site because modern government kinda is what it is at this point (until massive federal campaign finance reform legislation gets passed, which at this point, looks to be happening at never o’clock on when hell freezes over), but I thought it was important to make a case for the Democrats and why they’re the lesser evil of the two incompetent jackasses we get to choose from. Read the rest of this entry

Stop worrying about ebola, start worrying about heart disease, cancer and 8 other things that are killing Americans


A recent episode of The Daily Show pointed out that campaigning politicians and talk show hosts (or, if you prefer, “pundits”) have been calling for action regarding protecting Americans from being killed by the ebola virus, which isn’t really a thing that is happening. What is killing Americans is heart disease, cancer and 8 other things at a rate that will probably never be overtaken by ebola.

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Catalogs are awesome at casual racism and other things that are bad


obama-racist-catalog

There’s nothing worse than politically leaning products, but if you really want to make it clear that your catalog caters to one specific market, put your “countdown to Obama’s last day” clock near the “Ho Lee Chit” t-shirts.  This way, it’s not only clear that you lean right, but we can take an accurate guess at what year you were born in based on the idea that you think “Ho Lee Chit” is funny and OK to wear on a t-shirt.

jesus-catalog

In an effort to make sure they offend as many groups as possible, here we have the “Lead me not into temptation… Oh hell just follow me I know a shortcut” t-shirt just a few inches away from the “Like a good neighbor Jesus is there.”  I never took any marketing classes in college, but I’d venture a guess and just say that people who would wear the former t-shirt wouldn’t wear the latter.

It’s incredible how poor the taste can be in one catalog, but they did an amazing job of making me shake my head, laugh and point my finger at their general ignorance.  Well done, catalog!

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