Category Archives: observations
things I see and must speak on, son!
I had to get a CT Scan of my sinuses because they are a-holes. It’s no big deal, but I did have to stop what I was doing and get my X-ray computed tomography on. Before I could get the scan done, I had to get approved by the insurance company, have the doctor fax the imagining center a prescription and answer about a thousand questions, including:
Do you have high blood pressure?
Have you ever had surgery on the scanned area?
Have you ever burped, farted or sneezed or coughed?
Who’s your favorite Beatle? (HINT: "Ringo" is not an acceptable answer!)
But there’s one question they don’t ask that they really should AND two things they should mention before the scan starts that nobody tells you about.
Daylight Savings Time is one of those things that has plagued my mind for years because of the way it was explained to me. I’d always heard that we adjust the clocks to benefit American farmers… and later in life, I’d heard it benefits school children by putting them outside during better lighted hours. Both of these reasons are MYTHS, and the real reason is brought to you by our friendly neighborhood Wu Tang Clan: it’s money.
There’s whiskey, scotch or bourbon – as far as I’m concerned, we’re talking about variations on the same thing. The thing is, most people don’t like to drink it room temperature. Sometimes I do, but sometimes I want it cold. Ice doesn’t work (for two reasons I’ll explain in a sec), so what’s a guy to do? There are alternatives, and for reasons that will become apparent in a moment, Balls of Steel is my preferred booze cooler.
I think it goes without saying for anyone living in the continental United States that this has been the winter from hell and getting your car stuck in the snow has become par for the course. I’ve been through this several times in my life, but this winter, the snow has been relentless and I’ve had the opportunity (the unfortunate opportunity) to test the various suggestions and now I’m hear to tell you what works and what’s a waste of time. Read the rest of this entry
Had enough winter yet? Yeah, I’m kinda done, too. No matter where you live, there’s no escaping the winter of 2014. The snow, ice and frigid temperatures are pounding one and all with reckless abandon. Even the American south isn’t safe and at this point, I’ve reached a point where I don’t have any place left to store the snow. And it just keeps coming. Read the rest of this entry
Google autocomplete can get you some really fun results. Google describes their autocomplete system results as follows:
The search queries that you see as part of Autocomplete are a reflection of the search activity of users and the content of web pages indexed by Google.
That one bit: “reflection of the search activity of users” means there is a little bit of us in those auto complete results. Unfortunately, we’re not so smart. For example, here’s what you get when you type “when did:”
Okay America; we need to study our history a bit better. But it gets worse:
Only one of those things about Patrick Stewart are true. Why are we searching for things that have not happened? Let’s all buckle down and do better, America!
Google’s one of the biggest, most profitable companies in America and yet, they still have no problem thumbing their collective nose at a country like Russia, even though it could potentially cost them a ton of money. (Vladimir Putin strikes me as the sort of guy who would do his best to block Google from Russian ISPs.) This sorta thing makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! (Not warm enough to watch the opening ceremonies in their entirety or something like that, but still, ya know… USA! USA! USA!) We screw up a lot on the international stage, so it’s nice to see us get one right every once and a while.
NOTE: hey, it’s the 21st century – we’re pressed for time here!
Let me take you back to a time when The Simpsons wasn’t one of the longest running shows in television history, when the coat-tail riders and pretenders weren’t even a gleam in Homer’s eye… Yeah, we’re talking Season 1 style, back when the animation was rough and the show was still finding it’s legs. I humbly present to you the 7 Best Episodes of The Simpsons, season 1!
This Christopher Valentine character’s video, "Elves – Learn how to Attract Real Elves to You!" has garnered over 144,000 hits and he seems to be serious about getting Legolas to come hang out in your backyard.
Now I like Orlando Bloom as much as the next guy – what can I say, the dude is pretty. Anyway, Christopher Valentine’s website, Myst of the Oracle (I would have called it "Mystery of the Oracle" because it sounds way cooler), features all sorts of… I dunno, stuff. For Example, it makes mention of Dr. Christian von Lahr conducting the first Michael Jackson interview 48 hours after "crossing-over," which I assume is charlatan speak for dying, so it’s not just "fairy tale creatures are real" with these folks. It’s like a channeling Elvis while riding a dragon sort of thing. I love the list of celebrity endorsements:
- John Gray, best-selling author of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"
- Gary Zukav, the best-selling author of "Seat of the Soul."
- Dr. Michael Beckwith, best-selling co-author of the book and video "The Secret"
- and Larry King.
I thought I was detecting a theme, but then… Larry King. Didn’t see that coming. I bet Dr. von Lahr did, though.
As far as I’m concerned, YouTube is the real magical place, where things like this can grow and thrive right next to .
Yep, that’s just what it is: offensively entertaining. Offentertaining, if you will.
Just read this mini bar menu and reflect at how it’s priced so I buy nothing. $4.25 for a can of soda is obscene. Look how much a liter of water is. LOOK. These are the sort of mark ups that would make a bartender blush.
A note to all business majors out there: you make zero profit on every item you don’t sell. Get that tattooed on the insides of your eyelids, get into hospitality management and fix this!
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for CreativeJamie.com.
Here’s an excerpt:
The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. CreativeJamie.Com was viewed about 47,000 times in 2013. If this site were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 17 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.
If you follow us on Twitter, you’re cool – but you also know I’m not a fan of this new volume of Captain America. The writing is boring and the character’s all wrong. Old School Captain America always knew what to do because he’s not just the champion of ideals, he is the ideal, and actor Chris Evans, who portrays the Star Spangled Avenger on the big screen, fits that tradition like a glove.
In an interview he gave to The Advocate (which I cannot find – thanks Google!), he had this to say on gay marriage:
“Are you kidding me? It’s insane that civil rights are being denied people in this day and age. It’s embarrassing and it’s heartbreaking. It goes without saying that I’m completely in support of gay marriage. In 10 years we’ll be ashamed that this was an issue.”
SWISH! Did the Captain hit the nail on the head or what? Chris Evans deserves some big ups for not wimping out and letting his shield fly. Good job, Cap – now go punch us some bad guys!
I’m a happy Google user. I like their products and nitpicking aside, I don’t have any complaints. We live in Google’s world now – we just sort of woke up here one day, but how’d that happen? It’s simple: triangles. Google has utilized the power of the triangle and repetitive use of the letter G to take over the world!
Triangles, as you well know, have long been revered as mystic symbols by both the ancient and modern world because, unlike a circle or a square, you can turn a triangle 90 degrees and it looks different while the other shapes do not. Obviously. Duh. Pointing a triangle up means male, down means female… opposite stuff like that. And then there’s stuff that comes in threes, like the past, present and future, celebrity deaths and, of course, the Holy Trinity (Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig and Joe DiMaggio.) Anyway, triangles are gangsta.
As aforementioned, Google runs the world: they disseminate information (and doodles!) and own some of the most popular websites on the web. (Google.com is number one and YouTube.com is number 3, so that means pretty much everyone uses Google for something. Oh, and BlogSpot.com is number fifteen, so… yeah, also Google.) Just accept that Google is the most powerful entity on earth (followed closely by Michael Bloomberg, who some how changed the New York City term limit law so he could run for another term) and now focus on how they did it: again, triangles. You think I’m joking? I am NOT joking! Look at their icons! Look at all the triangles! You might say, "Oh, that’s just poor design – they all look so similar, I can barely tell them apart. It’s a good thing YouTube and Play aren’t on the same line in that new drop down! And why does the icon for Drive look like the recycle symbol? Anyway, the triangles are a coincidence."
To which I respond: I DISAGREE, SIR/MADAM! Look how many triangles they wedged into the Play icon! And the Google maps icon! That’s no mistake! And the Drive icon is really just a big triangle pointing up (So Drive is a dude?) instead of pointing to the right like YouTube and Play! Look how they wedged a triangle into the News and Calendar icons! Those don’t need to be there! And GMAIL! LOOK AT THE GMAIL ICON! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!
While I’m talking about the icons, Search and Google+? I can barely tell you guys apart. I know Google is all about the G, but somebody needs to fix that. And I get that Mr. G has some sort of weird malevolent-funk, hypnotic power, but… I…
Oh Golly, that’s Good how Great the letter G is…
What was I saying? Oh yeah, it’s all Triangles and Gs, and it’s how they maintain power. You might not believe me now, but when Google opens a new world headquarters that’s shaped like a pyramid and has a giant G on each side, maybe you’ll begin to understand exactly what’s happening here… but by then, it’ll be too late. We’ll all be wearing Google Glass, watching YouTube on our Android phones and tablets while ordering the latest Chrome Cast on our Chrome Books while simultaneously using voice to text to document our thoughts on BlogSpot.
Huh, I suddenly have an irresistible desire to join the tips of my thumbs and then the tips of my index fingers together… no. No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Look, sometimes we at CreativeJamie.com need to unsubscribe from whatever internet BS we’re participating in. That’s how life is and everyone needs to accept that. What does NOT need to happen is an attempt to manipulate us with a photo of a sad dog. There’s images and then there’s going below the belt, and this just made me reach for my suspenders or whatever. We like to believe that we at CreativeJamie.com have the very highest of animal standards, but please, internet, don’t put us in the position of having to say no to any dog, never mind a sad one. Now I’m going to end up adopting another pet because of this, which is not a bad thing, but our cup runeth over (Holy Grail!), you know? I’ve been bitten by so many species at this point that I really ought to have a super power by now. (Granted, my super power would probably end up being peeing on the furniture…)
Anyway, stop trying to manipulate us with adorable animals.
Now that Season 8 of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia has come to Netflix, we’re getting caught up with the gang, particularly with the episode "The Gang Recycles Their Trash," which sorta recycles some old story lines. It’s like a clip show without the clips. Read the rest of this entry
I know, I post about Star Trek (especially Star Trek: The Next Generation) way too much, but hey, I dig me some Trek! Today, I’m checking out TheCollectionary.com’s Star Trek options, and I must say, they have an impressive selection. This kick butt tricorder caught my eye, but… y’know, sixteen hundred bucks! I’m sure they have many reasonably priced items, but it’s a fun site to check out even if you’re just virtual window shopping.