Archive for ‘lists’

« Older Entries  |  
February 18, 2012

The 10 Best Superhero Movies Of All Time

by Jamie Insalaco

Superhero movies are sprouting up faster than I can keep track of, and by the end of this summer, who knows how applicable this list will be, but I just can’t wait that long.   So, in no particular order, I most humbly present to you my incomplete list of The 10 Best Superhero Movies of All Time.

superman-1978-jonathan-martha-kent

"Jonathan! There's a naked kid in this hole! Can we keep him?"

Superman:  The Movie
It has it’s silly moments, but it’s a tight film; great acting, great photography, great story and an immortal score.  Marlon Brando is in this movie – need I say more?  OK, I will; Superman is such a memorable movie:  the destruction of Krypton, the Kents finding him in the ditch, Clark’s decision to leave home, his first flight, catching the jewel thief, fighting the robbers on the boat (“Bad vibrations?”), Lois’ interview, stopping the missiles (“Hackensack, New Jersey.”  ”My mother lives in Hackensack!”), reversing time, Luthor whipping off his wig… awesome.

batman-1989-michael-keaton-jack-nicholson

"WHERE IS HE?!? Oh... sorry."

Batman
It’s long on style and short of story, but Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson are a dominate force in a movie where Tim Burton’s wackiness was held in check to give us the best possible collaboration of photography, performance and once again, soundtrack.  It’s kind of sad that this movie represents the high water mark for Burton and Danny Elfman (artistically, I think), but that’s the way it goes.  Sure, the movie doesn’t especially follow Batman canon or style (Bruce isn’t much of a detective in this flick), but it gets the job done.
wolverine-x-men-united

"I'm not sure who you are, or who I am, for that matter, but... YOU'RE DEAD!"

X-Men United, or X2 or whatever the hell that movie is called
I’ve never been a reader of the X-Men comics, but the end of this movie is essentially a ripoff of Star Trek 2:  The Wrath of Khan, and I don’t care because it’s well done.  The movie has everything you’d want in a superhero movie:  action, drama, compelling story and people getting punched in the face!  Even if X3 was one of the bigger disappointments I can think of, X2 is still a great movie for comic book fans.
iron-man-no-gang-signs

"I don't want to see this on your myspace page. Please no gang signs. No, throw it up. I'm kidding."

Iron Man
There’s superhero movie dialogue, and then there’s Iron Man dialogue coming out of  Robert Downey Jr. – you can’t go wrong!  The story runs smoothly and the characters are interesting; sure, the end is a little silly, but for a movie called Iron Man, this movie works remarkably well on many levels.
captain-america-the-first-avenger

Cap, en route to punch a Nazi in the face!

Captain America:  The First Avenger
Being a superhero is  generally about punching people in the face, but when it comes to Captain America and the stakes are winning or losing World War II, well, it doesn’t get more serious than that.  Still, the movie is a charming, often hilarious period piece.  I’ve talked about this movie at length already, so I won’t retread the same ground but just reiterate that this movie is great.
watchmen-rorschach-youre-locked-in-here-with-me

"None of you seem to understand... I'm not locked in here with you - you're locked in here with me!"

Watchmen
I know Watchmen doesn’t follow the comic as closely as some would like, but it’s still one of the best comic book movies that anyone has or will ever make.  It’s dark, stylistic, noir… it’s essentially everything a good mystery comic should be, and the great photography, dialogue and performances makes the re-watch value high.
batman-under-the-red-hood

"No, I don't know Spider-Man or Deadpool, but thanks for asking."

Batman:  Under the Red Hood
This isn’t the most accessible of  Batman movies (animated or otherwise), but it’s so good that it’s worth the effort – a quick read up on Ra’s al Ghul should do the trick, particularly so you don’t confuse the movie version with the comic book version, and you’re good to go.  I’ve talked about this flick already, so let’s move on.
batman-begins

"Nice."

Batman Begins
Finally, a Batman movie where Batman acts like Batman!  The only things I don’t especially enjoy about this movie are the way the fight scenes were photographed (although that didn’t bug me as much as it did others) and Katie Holmes, but after that, it’s all good.
the-dark-knight-joker-heres-my-card

"So listen, why don't you give me a call when you start taking things a little more seriously."

The Dark Knight
When it comes to Batman, the only thing better than Batman Begins is The Dark Knight – it’s probably the most quotable comic books movie of all time.  (“You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” | “How bout a magic trick?” | “WHERE IS HE?!?” |  “You know how I got these scares?” | “He’s the hero Gotham deserves… just not the one it needs right now.”)  It’s a story with a second act you never see coming.  Tremendous.
justice-league-crisis-on-two-earths

"Take that, Bruce Wayne from another dimension!"

Justice League:  Crisis on Two Earths
I’ve really enjoyed the DC animated films – outside of Superman/Shazam, they’re all enjoyable films (I recommend Green Lantern:  First Flight, Superman/Batman:  Apocalypse, Superman/Batman:  Public Enemy…), but Justice League:  Crisis on Two Earths is probably my favorite of the bunch.  It’s weird, but it’s fun and has that hard sci fi, Star Trek like edge that I enjoy in my comic books.

Posted in movie reviews, comic book reviews, lists | 2 Comments »

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
February 14, 2012

Two Things That Weren’t Always In Superman Lore That Will Shock You

by Jamie Insalaco

Superman was created in 1932 by Jerry Siegel and  Joe Shuster (who was born in Canada) in Cleveland, Ohio and first appeared in Action Comics #1 in 1938.  Now you might not have known any of that, but whatever – you know who Superman is.  However, things about who he is and how he lives his life have changed over time.

action-comics-1-superman I bet you know more about Superman than you think.  For example, I’m sure you’re aware that:

  1. he is also known as Clark Kent and Kal-El
  2. he’s from the planet Krypton
  3. he flies
  4. he shoots red lasers out of his eyes  (that’s a neat trick!)
  5. he has super strength, hearing and vision
  6. he’s invulnerable, except for Kryptonite (radioactive pieces of his home world if you have the patience to read about all the different types of Kryptonite, then you’re a Super Saint.)
  7. he’s a newspaper reporter
  8. he loves Lois Lane
  9. he’s grew up in Smallville, Kansas
  10. his nemesis is Lex Luthor

When it comes to Superman, I’ve always taken all of the above for granted, but a lot of that came to be as the stories rolled on.  I’m sure you’ve heard this:

“Faster than a speeding bullet!  More powerful than a locomotive!  Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!  It’s Superman!” to be followed by “Look!  Up in the sky!  It’s a bird!  It’s a plane!  It’s Superman!”

See, I’m fairly certain that the laundry list of abilities was there right at the beginning, because when Superman first showed up, he didn’t fly and he wasn’t vulnerable to Kryptonite.  This shocks me because outside of his red and blue suit, the flying and the Kryptonite are the first two things I think of when I see a picture of Superman.  But as you can see, it doesn’t say he could fly, it just says he could leap tall buildings in a single bound, which stands to reason – it’s not like the guy has wings or something.  It’s hard for me to imagine Superman just jumping around town like an asshole, but I guess that’s how it worked back in the day.  And it’s no wonder someone came up with the Kryptonite thing; as far as I can recall, that’s the online thing that Superman is vulnerable to (except love’s keen sting?), so what the hell did they do for any drama before Kryptonite? If Superman is out there fighting bad guys with no consequences (i.e., he can’t die), then you’re never worried about him – he might get banged up, but you know he’s going to get off the ground in a second and beat ass.  Adding that one little thing made Superman almost like us – he could die after all.  The Superman radio series (not the comics) invented the Kryptonite thing because presumably, the show was boring as hell.  “‘Superman arrives and punches the bad guys!’  Boom! Bang!  ‘Ow, my face!’  ‘And it’s a job well done by Superman!’”  I wonder how many weeks of shows went by before somebody changed Superman forever.  As for the flying, animating someone jumping over a building in the 1940s was no easy feet and for whatever technical reason and it took up too much screen time, so somebody said, “Screw it, just have him fly everywhere – it’s easier to animate.”  Suddenly, the characteristic that almost entirely defines Superman was born, and, as the promo for the original movie said, “You’ll believe a man can fly.”

Of course, if you’re not a dork like me, there might be a ton of other stuff noted here that you didn’t know, but I just can’t wrap my head around the lack of Kryptonite and flying.  How long were they going to publish stories about a guy with no vulnerabilities who just jumped really high?  I guess until somebody fixed it.

more Lists at creativejamie.com/category/lists/

more Comic Book Reviews at creativejamie.com/category/comic-book-reviews/

Posted in comic book reviews, lists | Leave a Comment »

Tags: , ,
January 10, 2012

New Hampshire Primary: Beggars CAN Be Choosers

by Jamie Insalaco

The latest Suffolk University Poll shows former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney holding a commanding lead going into tonight’s New Hampshire Primary. So, the “Anybody But Mitt” primary season is heavily favoring… Mitt Romney.  Makes sense.

I can’t get too excited about what the folks in New Hampshire think; after all, nobody lives there. (New Hampshire ranks 42nd in population amongst US states.) In an open election year (such as 2000 or 2008) they can only round up about 400,000 participants, and when only one party is choosing a candidate, it’s closer to 250,000 voters. To put that in perspective, it’s like 10% of Brooklyn residents decided to get together and pick a presidential candidate. (I bet the Beastie Boys would get a handful of write-in votes.)

In case you’re wondering what people who base their votes on whether or not they actually get to meet the candidate are thinking, here’s the latest data and what is says about the voters for giving their vote to a particular candidate:

mitt-romneyMitt Romney (37%) – You just don’t give a flying fig. Your motto is, “Anybody but the black guy.” It has to me – Mitt Romney is the Constant Flip-Flopper and is something like 5-18 lifetime in elections, so it’s not like he’s a proven winner – you just heard somewhere he has the best chance to beat Obama of anybody in the field, which I doubt is true.

Ron Paul (18%) – You want a consistent candidate, even if he’s a little extreme. I can see that – although he should probably get around to disavowing those racist news letters. He’s not my cup of tea, but he’s a decent man.  For a politician.

Jon Huntsman (16%) – You want to vote for an actual human being.  A decent, reasonable man; I think this guy could do serious damage in the election, but he’ll never win the nomination, so it’s not worth talking about.

Rick Santorum (11%) – You want a candidate that talks about family values in an election that should be about the economy. Good luck with that.

Newt Gingrich (9%) – My personal favorite, Newt is the ultimate in everything that is wrong with the Republican Party. Sure, he resigned from Congress in disgrace after paying his ethics fines and wasting America’s time with the impeachment of Bill Clinton, but you’ll vote for him anyway. Because you’re classy.

Rick Perry (1%) – Seriously, you’re voting for this guy? This guy couldn’t find his own junk with two hands and a flashlight. I don’t know what you’re thinking.

Buddy Roemer (1%) – You know who Buddy Roemer is. Good for you!

Undecided (7%) – I feel ya; this pack isn’t very appealing. In the end, you’ll just end up doing “eeny meeny miny moe,” and I don’t blame you

more Lists at creativejamie.com/category/lists/

more Election 2012 at creativejamie.com/category/election-2012/

Posted in election 2012, lists | Leave a Comment »

Tags: , , , , , , ,
January 5, 2012

5 Classic Rap Albums You Must Own

by Jamie Insalaco

I’m sure plenty of quality wrap music has been produced in the last decade or so, but I’m still stuck in the 90s.  Here are (in no particular order) 5 Classic Rap Albums You Must Own!

bacdafucup-onyx

Bacdafucup – Onyx

My personal favorite rap album of all time and one of the best produced albums you’ll ever hear, Bacdafucup is 18 tracks of awesome sauce that does not quit.  “Throw Ya Gunz,” “Slam,” “Stik ‘N’ Muve,” “Shifftee,” and “Phat (‘N’ All Dat)” are my picks, but really, there are no bad tracks on this album.  The production is so awesome on this album that it defies words – you simply have to hear it.  However, stay away from YouTube so you can avoid the PG version of “Da Nex Niguz,” which I wish someone would have talked Onyx out of.  Buy this album!

the-chronic-dr-dre

The Chronic – Dr. Dre

The Doctor is in!  “Let Me Ride,” “Nuthin’ but a ‘G’ Thang,” “Deeez Nuuuts,” “Rat-Tat-Tat-Tat,” and the amazing skit “The $20 Sack Pyramid” are just a few of the tracks on this album that kick serious ass.  The entire album is super smooth and still fun to listen to.

 

doggystyle-snoop-dogg

Doggystyle – Snoop Dogg

The Yang to The Chronic’s Ying, Doggystyle is the true coming of the Dogfather.  Snoop is one of those guys who is not only talented, but blessed with an amazing voice – I’d listen to this guy read the fine print of my car insurance.  “Gin and Juice,”  “Lodi Dodi,” “”Murder Was the Case,” and “Who Am I (What’s My Name)?” are just a few of the amazing tracks on Snoop Dogg’s first album.

 

enter-the-wu-tang-wu-tang-clan

Enter The Wu-Tang – Wu-Tang Clan

First of all, Wu-Tang Clan is about the best name for a musical group anyone has ever come up with.  I know, I know, it’s a reference to the 1978 film The 36th Chamber of Shaolin, but it’s still great.  “Wu-Tang Clan Ain’t Nuthing ta Fuck Wit,” “C.R.E.A.M.,” “Method Man,” and “Shame on a Nigga” are all amazing tracks.  “C.R.E.A.M.” is practically religious doctrine for me – I will debate my stance that this is one of the most important songs of the decade all night long with anyone who agrees, just so it can be clear how great this song is – so imagine how I react if you disagree.

cypress-hill-black-sunday

Black Sunday – Cypress Hill

It might be a bit front loaded, but Black Sunday is pretty great.  “I Wanna Get High,” “I Ain’t Goin’ out Like That” and “Insane in the Brain” are all classics.  Cypress Hill avoided the sophomore slump in a big way.

more Lists at creativejamie.com/category/lists/

more Music Reviews at creativejamie.com/category/music reviews/

Posted in lists, music reviews | Leave a Comment »

Tags: , , , , ,
December 17, 2011

7 Christmas Movies That Aren’t Really Christmas Movies

by Jamie Insalaco

home-alone

The purpose here is not to say whether the following movies are good or bad films but instead, to see that they are all using Christmas to manipulate the viewer by using Christmas as an asset rather than part of the narrative.

Movies That Pretend To Be Christmas Movies

A lot of movies wrap themselves up in Christmas, but don’t really convey it’s message of peace on earth, family, friendship, togetherness and presents.

Love Actually

My girlfriend convinced me that this wasn’t a Christmas movie citing the fact that it is watchable out of season while a true Christmas movie is not.  Otherwise, I think Love Actually does a decent job (topless woman aside) of being in the Christmas spirit.  However, it does deserve chastising for giving birth to this new awful genre of holiday movies like Valentine’s Day and New Year’s Eve.

While You Were Sleeping

This movie is also not a tremendous offender, but it still should get a wag of the finger for using Christmas to complete it’s own ends.

Home Alone & Home Alone 2:  Lost in New York

These are the two worst offenders of all time.  There is very little reason for either of these movies to take place at Christmas time – the family could have been going on a summer vacation and the movies could proceed in the same manner.  I’m aware that there is a Home Alone 3, but seriously, who’s actually seen this movie?  Also, that All Alone on Christmas song kinda sucks.

Movies That Take Place On Christmas

Sometimes, movies just take place at Christmas time, but don’t really have anything to do with Christmas.  This is OK, but Batman Returns was a summer release, so it was weird to go into the theater and see all this Christmas crap.  Also, the movie is totally strange and doesn’t make a ton of sense – kudos to the cast for making the movie watchable.

Die Hard

The growing sub culture that continues to herald Die Hard as the best Christmas movie ever needs to get a grip.  It’s become a weird cult phenomenon to get a bunch of people together and watch John McClain kick ass on Christmas.  Weird, but at least it’s a decent movie.  I assume that the customary greeting by the host to all guests is, “Welcome to the party, pal!”

Gremlins

image

Even Blockbuster puts Gremlins with the Christmas movies.

Christmas is that magical time when families get together, exchange weird ass presents, and then one of said presents spawns a race of monsters that run amok in your hometown… that’s not gonna be good for business… well, the movie theater and the bar did OK.  Oh wait, didn’t one of those locales get blown up?  Never mind.

Batman Returns

The movie that begs the question:  Doesn’t anyone find it strange that Bruce Wayne has batsignals on his roof?  No?  OK, let’s move on.  But nothing beats Christopher Walken’s Christmas speech.  If you’re up for some pain, ask me to do my Christopher Walken impression from Batman Returns, but I warn you:  don’t wind me up if you can’t handle the power.

More Christmas at creativejamie.com/category/christmas/

 

More Lists at creativejamie.com/category/lists/

 

More Movie Reviews at creativejamie.com/category/movie-reviews/

Posted in christmas, lists, movie reviews | Leave a Comment »

Tags: , ,
December 12, 2011

4 Nominees The Republicans Won’t Approve For Dickish Reasons

by Jamie Insalaco

Politicians in the United States generally only come in two flavors:  Democrat or Republican.

If you’re a Democrat,  I jump to the conclusion that by default, you’re a worthless human being who is rich, enjoys being rich and is not especially interested in making the world a better place.  But, not being the total epitome of evil, you don’t hate the poor or the middle class and from time to time, you’ll throw the masses a bone or two.

But then there’s the Republicans.  I’ve scraped better looking stuff off the bottom of my sneakers walking through a flooded parking lot full of porta potties after a Giants vs Cowboys game – in Dallas.  Republicans don’t care about anyone about themselves – it’s not about governing, it’s about winning.  To win, you must stomp your opposition into the ground by any means necessary over the course of every single contest, even when it comes to the fairly routine business of approving nominees for office.  If the Democrats nominate someone, the Republicans have to reject them on principal, regardless of qualifications.

Nominee:  Mari Carmen Aponte
Position:  Ambassador to El Salvador
Republicans are rejecting because:  Aponte’s former boyfriend, Roberto Tamayo, a Cuban-American insurance salesman, was reputedly attempted to be recruited by Cuban spies.  The Washington Times says Tamayo was actually an informat for the FBI, bu the Republicans don’t want to hear it.  Providing the Republicans with Aponte’s FBI file has not changed anything as of yet, but you can’t expect the Republicans to trust some silly, liberal organization like the FBI.  My favorite detail of this story is that Aponte and Tamayo broke up in 1994.  When I was in 8th grade.

Nominee:  Richard Cordray
Position:  Consumer Financial Protection Bureau
Republicans are rejecting because:  They don’t like the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau… which doesn’t actually exist, and therefore, hasn’t actually done anything yet.  The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau was approved by the Senate (with Republican support), but they don’t like the way it’s set up, so they won’t approve anybody until the organization they voted to create over a year ago is changed.

Nominee:  Caitlin Halligan
Position:  District of Columbia Circuit Court of Appeals
Republicans are rejecting because:  The District of Columbia Circuit Court of Appeals doesn’t have enough cases to warrant her appointment.  So there is a court in the United States that actually isn’t backlogged to hell and it’s the District of Columbia Circuit Court of Appeals?  I don’t buy it.

Nominee:  Adam E. Namm
Position:  Ambassador to Ecuador
Republicans are rejecting because:  Senator Marco Rubio of Florida announced he will block any nominee to the Foreign Relations Committee because he disapproves of the administration’s Latin America policy.

Check it:

“I encouraged the Administration to seize these nominations as an opportunity to outline a plan to steer U.S. policy in the Western Hemisphere towards renewing America’s commitment to promoting democracy and free markets.

“But it has become clear that the Administration plans to continue business as usual in the region.  This is unacceptable.  Therefore, I will oppose these nominees in the Foreign Relations Committee, and reserve my right to block or vote against any other future Western Hemisphere nominees until the Administration takes meaningful action to change its policies.”

Really, Senator Rubio?  Really?  The Western Hemisphere?  I’d like to take a moment in this space to encourage you to stop being a dick.

But he can’t because they can’t – it’s practically the Republican motto:

gop-homepage-republican-tag-line
Other tag lines they considered where, “Ugh, the President is a black,” or “Our home page focuses on how the President is bad, not how we are good.  Fast and Furious.  Ha!  That’s a movie reference!  Did you idiots pick up on that?  We specifically picked it for it’s mass appeal to idiots.  Oh, please donate money while you’re here.”

The Democrats just take it because they can – what do they care?  They never fight this sort of bullshit with the force it deserves.  Instead, they just wander around muttering because they know people like me feel compelled to vote and will continue to vote for them as long as the alternative is a bat shit crazy person who spends too much of their time vetting the former significant others of people they are considering not hiring because when you jam a fork in the toaster while wearing a rubber glove, you need to have an excuse for breaking a perfectly operational household appliance.  If that rambling is a little to theoretical for you, then I’ll just reiterate that as a politician, your job is to govern, not to win!

Now that we’re getting closer to the 2012 election year, I think it’s time for the Democrats to stop doing their usual defensive posture, stop fake trying to take the high rode and instead, kick some ASS!  It’s time to pick up an axe and ask, “Who’s with me?”

Do it, Barack!

More Lists at creativejamie.com/category/lists/

More Observations at creativejamie.com/category/observations/

 

***Gail Collins wrote a much better column on the topic of Republicans not approving Democratic nominees last Friday.  I highly recommend you read it because anything by Gail Collins kicks serious butt.

Posted in lists, observations | Leave a Comment »

Tags: , ,
December 9, 2011

5 Reasons I Loved The Muppets – movie review

by Jamie Insalaco

stars-four-halfthe-muppetsI enjoyed The Muppets so much that I decided it wasn’t necessary to do a traditional review but instead, just focus on five (yeah, five – that’s a nice round number) of my favorite things about what may be the best movie I’ve seen this year.  Here we go, in no particular order…  actually, I think this is sequential order as the events appeared in the film.

spoiler alert

1.  Fozzy Is Working In A Seedy Club In Reno With Shady Characters.

It’s not a strip club, but it’s not far off. Fozzy is working with The Moopets, a Muppets cover band (or whatever), and besides being horrible looking, they’re horrible people (muppets), too.  Still, I love the club’s authentic atmosphere and the background craziness.

2.  “We Should Pick Everybody Else Up By Montage.”

When the gang realizes that picking everybody up one at a time is taking forever, they decide to get the rest of the Muppets inot the film via a montage scene – it’s classic breaking of the fourth wall and it works perfectly.  Rolfe’s disappointment at not being used in the montage was awesome – if you saw the movie, you know what I’m talking about and if you didn’t, I don’t want to spoil the movie any more than I already have.

3.  “Let’s Travel By Map!”

Once the group realizes that they don’t have enough time to travel to Paris to recruit Miss Piggy, they decide to travel by map, Indiana Jones style.  It’s hilarious and a time saver, so it’s win-win!

4.  “Maniacal Laugh!  Maniacal Laugh!”

Sometimes, bad guys laugh maniacally – in this movie, they say, “Maniacal Laugh!  Maniacal Laugh!” and laugh maniacally.  It’s good stuff.

5.  The Barbershop Quartet

I decided that I had to choose between this and the rapping, but this was better – not by much, but definitely better.  I hate the song they were singing, but they made it hilarious.

Even the trailer is awesome!

More Movie Reviews at creativejamie.com/category/movie-reviews/

More Lists at creativejamie.com/category/lists/

Posted in lists, movie reviews | 2 Comments »

Tags: ,
December 8, 2011

7 Bands You Won’t Believe Aren’t In The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

by Jamie Insalaco

The next class to be inducted to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has been announced, and I don’t have much to say in the way of complaints with the list:

  1. Guns N’ Roses
  2. Red Hot Chili Peppers
  3. The Beastie Boys
  4. Donovan
  5. Laura Nyro
  6. The Small Faces/The Faces

I’m a little suspicious that Guns N’ Roses making it into the Hall on the first try; it’s not that I think they don’t belong, but instead, I’m suspicious of the quicky induction.  I smell dollar signs… that is, if Axl Rose and Slash can put their differences aside and play at the ceremony.  The Small Faces/The Faces thing is kinda weird – sure, they’re related bands, but they played different styles of music with different front men… but whatever.

I don’t get too bent out of shape about who the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is inducting because those that don’t get the nod invalidates the whole idea to begin with.  Here are 7 bands (in no particular order) you won’t believe aren’t in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

1.  Genesis

Sad but true.  Both incarnations of Genesis are awesome!

2.  Kansas

Carry on Wayward Sun?  Dust in the Wind?  Hello?  These songs aren’t good enough for your crappy hall?

3.  The Moody Blues

I’m not a huge fan, but I won’t deny the The Moody Blues.  They’re pretty awesome – everybody likes Knights in White Satin, don’t they?

4.  Kiss

I’m pretty sure I’m the only American who doesn’t like Kiss, but again, I won’t deny them.  How can friggin Kiss not be in the Hall?  Kiss is practically a religion in this country!

5.  Rush

Un-frigging-believable! No Rush?  This must be some sort of racist bias against Canadians at the the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

6.  Yes

This one hurts too much to talk about.

7.  Iron Maiden

Again, I’m not a huge fan, but come on – it’s Iron Maiden!  You can’t deny this sound.  This was the official way to scare the shit out of the elderly in the 1980s.  Iron Maiden is an institution – keeping them out is absurd.

more Lists at creativejamie.com/category/lists/

more Music Reviews at creativejamie.com/category/music reviews/

Posted in lists, music reviews | 1 Comment »

Tags: , , ,
December 3, 2011

4 Republican Candidates For President You Can’t Trust

by Jamie Insalaco

Every four years, a collection of stiffs will gather to run for president.  This time, the Republican options are  so awful it defies reality; it’s almost like the GOP has done this on purpose.  In no particular order, here are 4 Republican Candidates for President you can’t trust for arbitrary reasons I can’t get passed.

Herman Cain

herman-cain

Hermain Cain: "Herman Cain is running for President!"

Anyone who habitually refers to themselves in the third person is bad news.  Imagine the balls you’d have to possess to walk around saying things like, “[Your name here] enjoys a good breakfast.”  Just say that out loud.  Sounds weird, right?  Now imagine you spoke that way in front of crowds.  Crowds that you were trying to persuade to vote for you.  For President.  Also, 9-9-9 is a terrible tax plan.

Mitt Romney

mitt-romney

Mitt Romny: "Dogs are probably not going to vote for me for President."

I think I’ve already torn into Mitt Romney enough for one election cycle, but I will reiterate this, Gail Collins style:  he strapped a dog crate to the roof of his car, put his dog in the crate and drove from Boston to Canada.

Newt Gingrich

newt-gingrich

Newt Gingrich: "This is Dave. He'll tell you about why I'll make a great President."

Essentially, he’s a lobbyist – I know he says he’s not, but he is – or, at the very least, he puts lobbyists in the same room with politicians…  so he’s like some kind of corruption match maker… funk it, it’s just easier to say he’s a lobbyist.  You know how people make all those lawyer jokes, like “You know what they call a thousand lawyers chained together at the bottom of the ocean?  A good start.”  Well, you don’t know any lobbyist jokes because they’re depictions of such distasteful, unspeakably graphic evil that people don’t repeat them.

Michelle Bachmann

michelle-bachmann

Michelle Bachmann: "I've won elections before, so there is President that I'll win this one. President."

Sigh.  I could cite Michelle Bachmann quotes all day long, but for today, I’ll just point out that she confused Concord, N.H., with Concord, Mass. in reference to The Battle of Lexington and Concord when she referred to the battle taking place in New Hampshire.  Of course, this also means that she doesn’t know where Lexington is, either, but more to the point, knowing that The Battle of Lexington and Concord took place in Massachusetts is a history question any 9 year old student can probably answer.  Hell, it’s an easier question than how to spell Massachusetts (I always think there is an E before the last S), not to mention the fact that she’s such a stalwart Tea Party favorite.

Also, while many from New Hampshire fought in the American Revolution (famously, the New Hampshire Militia fought alongside the Connecticut, Massachusetts and Rhode Island Militias at the Battle of Bunker Hill – which took place in Massachusetts, by the way), as far as I can tell, no actual battles took place in New Hampshire during the American Revolution.

Because I have no idea when I’ll ever get around to talking about this

Since I’m talking about people I don’t trust, let’s take a quick second to review some photos of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.  Just look:

president-mahmoud-ahmadinejad

What do all of these photos have in common?  No tie.  The dude never wears a tie!  Come on, dude – you’re the president!  Put on a damn tie!  How can you run shiz if you can’t even tie a Windsor knot?

Take the CreativeJamie.com challenge:

Find a pic of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in a tie, contact me and let me know and… I’ll come up with some sort of reward.

OR

Did a battle take place in New Hampshire during the American Revolution?  If so, let me know and… I’ll come up with some sort of reward.

Contact:  creativejamiecom [at] gmail [dot] com

more Lists at creativejamie.com/category/lists/

more Election 2012 at creativejamie.com/category/election-2012/

Posted in election 2012, lists | Leave a Comment »

Tags: , , , , , ,
December 1, 2011

4 Ways To Bitch Slap Your Christmas Shopping

by Jamie Insalaco
christmas-presents

Look at those smug bastards, just sitting there...

A few years ago, I made a pact with myself to get out in front of the disaster called my Christmas Shopping.  I hate shopping as a matter of principle, but buying presents for people is kind of fun…  except when I have to do it for everyone I care about at the same time.  For me, the conception aspect is the hardest part of gift giving – what do I buy for who?  Once I’ve got that down, I just have to deal with the execution:  actually buying the gift, which can be challenging, but doesn’t require nearly as much thought.

After some truly awful Christmas Shopping experiences (I pulled a quad), I decided that I needed to do a few key things that would save me time and make my life a lot easier.

1.  I’m making a list, I’m checking it twice…
That’s bullshit – actually, I’m checking and updating it a zillion times over the course of the entire year.  See, the first thing you have to do to be a successful Christmas shopper is get organized.  I’ve started what I refer to as my Forever Gift List and it’s made all the difference in the world because I use it for Christmas, birthdays and any other gift giving occasion.  All you need to do is make a list of everyone you need to give a gift to and anytime you get an idea, jot it down.

I use Google Docs for my list because I can access it from my phone and my PC, so it’s super handy.  At first, I used a spread sheet, which is easier to read and organize on a PC but a pain in the ass on my phone – even on my Samsung Infuse and it’s ridiculous four inch screen.   Now I use a regular Word Doc, which works great on both my phone and my PC.  The list is also handy because you can go back and see what you got someone previously, and this can make getting the next gift easier if they liked it – or hated it.

Do yourself a favor – don’t ever start shopping until you know what you’re going to buy.  Wandering around stores or the internet is like being one of the zombies on that The Walking Dead show.

2.  Spread out the pain!
If you do all of your Christmas shopping during the month of December, you’re tougher than I am – or blessed with a bigger bank account than I, at the very least.  When you have a list at your disposal, you can start doing your shopping any time you want and you can pay for it gradually instead of one big, painful credit card bill.  See, I know my credit card monthly billing cycle ends around the 20th of the month, so I make sure to get my first round of shopping done between October 20th and November 20th.  Then I do my next round during the Black Friday/Cyber Monday period.  I do the last minute stuff after December 20th, and I’m good to go – horrible, painful gift expenses spread over three months.

3.  Shop online
Supporting local stores and the big box chains is all well and good – they create jobs, contribute to the local economy and so on – but seriously, who has the time or patience for that?  I do not.  If you hate going to the mall as much as I do (you’d rather let the neighborhood children take turns using your car for a trampoline), then just get your Amazon and eBay on.  Depending on what you need, there’s lot of other places to shop online, but it terms of one stop shopping, they’re about as good as it gets.  Plus, Amazon’s credit card has a cash back feature that you can use for future purchases or just have them send you a check, straight up.  It’s also pretty easy to hit Amazon’s Free Shipping threshold when you’re doing a big order.  It’s also nice to be able to ship something directly to the recipient and not have to deal with the post office.

Wrapping Presents:  Don’t wait till the last minute like these turtles did.


4.  Don’t wait to wrap presents!
As gifts arrive in the mail (or if you actually brave the outside world), don’t sleep on that shiz – wrap em up!  The longer you wait, the worst it gets, and if you do two or three shipments, it’s not so bad.  I mean, it still sucks golf balls through a garden hose, but it’s way better than when I would do a ‘wrap night’ way to close to Christmas (December 23rd at best) and have to wrap every single gift.  That sucks HARD.

Christmas shopping is no joke, and if you think like I do, then it’s already crunch time.  Good luck!

More Christmas at creativejamie.com/category/christmas/

More Lists at creativejamie.com/category/lists/

Posted in christmas, lists | 3 Comments »

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
« Older Entries  |  
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 50 other followers