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Category Archives: a fly on the wall

Imagine you could be a fly on the wall during the craziest or most interesting conversations that may or may never have taken place!

A FLY ON THE WALL: Developing Budweiser’s Puppy Love

Welcome back to A Fly On The Wall, a feature that listens in on conversations that may or may not have ever actually occurred. This time, we’ll use our fly power to listen in on a development meeting at Budweiser so we can better understand how they came up with their hit Super Bowl commercial, “Puppy Love “.

EXECUTIVE
It’s time to develop our Super Bowl 2014 ad!

CREATIVE
Super Bowl XLVIII.

EXECUTIVE
What?

CREATIVE
Never mind. So what are you thinking about for this year?

EXECUTIVE
Winning. I want to win the Super Bowl commercials.

CREATIVE
I gotcha – you want to have the ad that the viewers like the best.

EXECUTIVE
Exactly. How do we do that?

CREATIVE
That’s easy: puppies.
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A FLY ON THE WALL: Developing Marvel's Original Sin

Welcome back to A Fly On The Wall, a feature that imagines what it would be like to hear conversations that may or may not have ever actually occurred. This time, we’ll use our fly power to listen in on a development meeting at Marvel Comics for the 2014 Event, Original Sin.

BOSS
OK, everybody – it’s a new day, it’s a new year, Event time is almost upon us. What ideas do we have?

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Inside the Jonas Brothers Breakup (A Fly on the Wall)

Welcome to A Fly On The Wall, a feature that imagines what it would be like to hear conversations that may or may not have ever actually occurred. This time, we’ll use our fly power to listen in on the Jonas Brothers Breakup.

JOE

Ain’t no meeting like a Jonas Brothers meeting, cuz a Jonas Brothers meeting DON’T STOP!

NICK

Right – thanks for the enthusiasm, Joe. I appreciate you guys sitting down with me today.


KEVIN

No probl-

JOE

Of course, man! [singing] You light up my world like nobody else!

NICK

That’s a One Direction song.

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How Movies Get Made: The Internship (A Fly on the Wall)

Welcome to A Fly On The Wall, a feature that imagines what it would be like to hear conversations that may or may not have ever actually occurred. Today, we’ll fly on over to hear a conference call that Vince Vaughn may have had with Luke Wilson and Will Ferrell and how this led to the filming of the new movie The Internship.

VAUGHN
OK guys, I’ll get right to it. I just got out of the meeting with 20th Century Fox and it’s fair to say that they’re not excited about our idea to make a high risk, cutting edge comedy starring three guys in their forties.

L. WILSON
Shit.

FERRELL
Yeah, that sucks, but whatever, I’ll be fine.

L. WILSON
That’s easy for you to say – I’m squeezing the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube over here!

VAUGHN
There is good news: they do want to make a movie with us.

L. WILSON
Thank Christ.

FERRELL
But not the movie we want to make.

VAUGHN
No, they don’t want to make some bizarre novella parody flick where you speak Spanish phonetically for 90 minutes.

FERRELL
‘Casa’ means ‘house.’

L. WILSON
What movie do they want to make? Not that I care, just out of curiosity.

VAUGHN
Basically, they want us to make Old School 2. They saw the success that the flick had for Dreamworks, so they want to duplicate it.

FERRELL
You’re kidding.

VAUGHN
I’m not. They’ve done some market research and they think the timing is right. The problem is, the studio doesn’t want to pay for the rights from Dreamworks, so they’re going with their own concept… sort of.

FERRELL
Which is what?

VAUGHN
Well, they do own that Dodgeball flick I made, so they want to combine Old School with Dodgeball in a movie where we lead a rag tag group of Google interns to victory… victory meaning full time jobs at Google. It’s basically just a rehashing of movies I’ve already made, but with a Google product placement. Because nobody knows what Google is.

FERRELL
Holy shit.

L. WILSON
Look, Meeting Evil did OK, and I do have a tiny bit of pride left, so forget it. I don’t need this; I’ve got The Skeleton Twins coming out this year!

VAUGHN
So you’re out?

L. WILSON
Yes, definitely out.

VAUGHN
Is your brother co starring in any stupid movie where he plays the wacky comic relief this week?

L. WILSON
No, I’m pretty sure he’s free.

VAUGHN
Beautiful – they’ll never know the difference, and if they do, I’ll just pop in Wedding Crashers and show them the insane profits me and Owen made for New Line. Will? You’re being awful quiet.

FERRELL
Vince, I love you, but I can’t star in this. I’ll do a couple of days on this flick like I did for Crashers, but that’s all I can do for you.

VAUGHN
Awesome – hold on a sec, I need to tell my wife something…
Yeah, tell the crew they can start putting the new addition on to the house!

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A Fly On The Wall: Rush Limbaugh And His Producer

Welcome to A Fly On The Wall, a feature that imagines what it would be like to hear conversations that may or may not have ever actually occurred. This time, we’ll use our fly power to head over to Rush Limbaughs house and listen in on a conversation he may or may not of had with his producer.

PRODUCER: Rush-man! Tom Sawyer! How’s life living in the limelight?

RUSH: I told you not to equate me with those filthy Canadians! [sighs] I’m sorry I yelled; Tom Sawyer was a great American.

PRODUCER: You’re right on both counts. I know you’re under a lot of pressure right now.

RUSH: It’s been tough.

PRODUCER: You’ve done all you can do at this point. Let the story ride the waves onto the beach like the proverbial dying whale.

RUSH: I’m not sure I like that analogy.

PRODUCER: Under the circumstances…

RUSH: Let’s look at the segment one more time – I want to see where I went off the rails.

What does it say about the college co-ed Sandra Fluke, who goes before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex, what does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute. She wants to be paid to have sex. She’s having so much sex she can’t afford the contraception. She wants you and me and the taxpayers to pay her to have sex. What does that make us? We’re the pimps.

[Rush fast-forwards]

I will buy all of the women at Georgetown University as much aspirin to put between their knees as they want!

[Rush stops the recording]

PRODUCER: Uhm… there?

RUSH: Well, certainly there. But perhaps before.

PRODUCER: Well, when you say, ‘off the rails,’ which rails do you mean?

RUSH: Good question – are we talking about my audience or anyone who might hear what I say?

PRODUCER: That’s the real trick, isn’t it?

RUSH: Exactly. As a talk show host, I have to entertain my audience, and my audience is made up of misogynists and racists, so I have to walk that line between whipping them up into a frenzy and not attracting the attention of the world at large.

PRODUCER: You have to wonder how your comments got beyond the show in the first place.

RUSH: Huh… well, maybe some members of my audience are only racists and not misogynists.

PRODUCER: Perhaps. So has the bleeding stopped?

RUSH: Not exactly. After the apology, we lost ProFlowers.

PRODUCER: After?!?

RUSH: I know, right? That’s seven total advertisers that have cancelled over this.

PRODUCER: Maybe you shouldn’t have said you’d just get new advertisers if they left.

RUSH: I had to – I didn’t apologize at first to appease my own audience and then I issued the apology to appease those who were offended. Shouldn’t everyone be happy now? I hung tough for a few days and then I knuckled under like the haters wanted me to. What else can I do?

PRODUCER: Well, it’s hard for people to understand how someone who’s been married four times and been to rehab three times can have these sort of backwards attitudes. Furthermore, they’d expect you to know more about sex… Your statements make it sound like you don’t know the difference between condoms and the pill or the fact that intercourse is possible while a woman’s knees are closed.

RUSH: Of course I know all of that! But my character doesn’t! What I know doesn’t make for compelling radio, what my character says does. If I really believed half of the things I said, I’m sure I would have wound up in an institution by now.

PRODUCER: [under his breath] Or a few of them.

RUSH: What’s that?

PRODUCER: Nothing, nothing. So the apology is made; all we can do is have accounts call around and try to drum up some new advertisers.

RUSH: Exactly. Always remember: Cash Rules Everything Around Me. CREAM, get the money. Dolla, Dolla bill, ya’ll.

PRODUCER: Tom Sawyer is fictional, by the way.

RUSH: And so am I.

A Fly On The Wall: Michael Jordan And His Hitler Mustache

Welcome to A Fly On The Wall, a feature that imagines what it would be like to hear conversations that  may or may not have ever actually occurred.  This time, we’ll use our fly power to head over to Michael Jordan’s house and listen in on a conversation he may or may not of had with his agent.

AGENT:  Hey, there’s my guy!  There’s my guy!  How the hell are you, Michael?!?

MICHAEL:  Doing well.  Yourself?

AGENT:  I am fantastic, Michael – I am fantastic because right now, I have in my possession two items:  a gigantic check to you from Hanes and, of less importance, the commercials from the Flight #23 campaign.

MICHAEL:  Nice!  So you want to watch the spots or have a money fight?

mr burns mr smithers money fight the simpsons

Burns only has more money than Jordan because Burns doesn’t gamble.

AGENT:  Can’t we do both?

MICHAEL:  Ha!  Yes, but just to make sure I don’t look like an asshole, let’s light up some cigars and watch the Hanes spots first.

AGENT:  Cool.

MICHAEL:  Didn’t have one line in that spot and I’m still awesome.

AGENT:  Yeah…  uhm, yeah…  lets see the next one.

MICHAEL:  Even got a biblical reference in this one.  Nice.

AGENT:  Yeah, you did… Michael, did you shoot all of these spots on the same day?

MICHAEL:  Yep, one long, grueling day.  Why do you ask?

AGENT:  Oh my God.

MICHAEL:  What’s the matter?

AGENT:  Fuck.

MICHAEL:  What?

AGENT:  Fuck, fuck, FUCK! Holy shit, Michael!  What the hell were you thinking?

MICHAEL:  What’s wrong?

AGENT:  Fuck, Michael, do you have to ask?  You just made fifteen underwear commercials in which you have a Hitler mustache!

Hitler Mustache Michael Jordan Hitler Mustache Hanes

Pictured Left:  Crazy Person.  Pictured Right:  Crazy Mustache.

MICHAEL:  Oh that.  Yeah, I know.

AGENT:  You know?

MICHAEL:  Of course I know.  I do shave myself.

AGENT:  What the hell were you thinking?

MICHAEL:  I’m taking it back.

AGENT:  Taking it back?

MICHAEL:  Yep.

AGENT:  Taking it back.

MICHAEL:  You got it.

AGENT:  Michael, one doesn’t simply take back the Hitler mustache.

MICHAEL:  True enough; however, not everybody is me.

AGENT:  Meaning?

MICHAEL:  Meaning that bastard has held on to the look for decades – he’s been dead since 1945, and I think it’s time to take it back.

AGENT:  You can’t take it back.

MICHAEL:  The hell I can’t.  I can do anything!

AGENT:  Except hit a baseball.

Michael Jordon Chicago White Sox Baseball strikes out sports illustrated

Too bad Jordan wasn’t on the same team as Jose Canseco.

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