Author Archives: Jamie Insalaco

Catwoman movie review


2004’s Catwoman is a mess of pandering, lazy and sloppy writing that the filmmakers hoped would be covered over by Halle Berry’s beauty.  SPOILER ALERT:  it is not.  Read the rest of this entry

Darkman quick movie review


What can I say about Darkman?  It’s very much a product of its time in terms of its action movie-ness, yet it’s clear Sam Raimi wanted to make a superhero movie back when studios weren’t knocking each other open to buy up licenses.  So we can an original character and a new franchise and get to hear Liam Neeson do an American accent.  Read the rest of this entry

The Future is NOW: Motorized Animal Scooters at the mall


Friends, I have seen THE FUTURE!  It is out there, vibrant and ripe for the harvesting!  Go to the Paramus Park Mall and ride the motorized animal scooters!  Read the rest of this entry

Turkmenistan Gas Crater of the Karakum Desert (Gate to Hell)


turkmenistan-door-gate-of-to-hell-karakum-desert-gas-crater

Sometimes I’ll hear something on WNYC radio that’s so awesome I have to stop what I’m doing and check it out.  The Turkmenistan Gas Crater of the Karakum Desert (also known as the Gate to Hell) is one of those things.  Read the rest of this entry

Snoop Dogg has the answer to all of life’s questions


snoop dogg

Not only is Snoop Dogg pretty much the coolest person to ever live, he also has the answer to all of life’s questions:  Read the rest of this entry

“Tutti Frutti” was originally about anal sex


Whoever you are, you’ve gotta love Little Richard.  He brought such power and passion to his music.  The Beatles used to copy his signature “woooooo!”  The guy practically invented rock and roll… but I didn’t know they brought in lyricists to clean up “Tutti Frutti” and given that it was 50s, you can see why.  Read the rest of this entry

Princess Peach Toadstool is not subtle


princess-peach-not-subtle

When I was a kid, Peach (or Princess Toadstool or whatever the hell you want to call her) was clear:  she needed help.  When I was a teenager, she was subtle:  “I baked a cake.”  Right.  “Cake.”  (The guys in my class used to say, “I will give you cak,” but I’m pretty sure they weren’t talking about cake.)  The point is that by the time Super Mario Galaxy came around, she had dropped all pretense yet still wasn’t going to write it out word for word, but you get the idea.   Read the rest of this entry

I can has Honda?


i-can-has-civic

Because it’s not enough that they install faulty airbags in cars and then make you wait a few months to get the repair done – they need to park your car from whence it cannot be retrieved.  That was a nice touch. Read the rest of this entry

I Can Has Cheezburger? All Pet Edition


Find out which of my pets can, in fact, has cheezburger.  (more…)

Quick Pitch: HBO should do Harry Potter series after Game of Thrones


harry-potter-hbo-pitch

I’ve already got the promo art ready!

Hi HBO!

I know you guys are busy dominating the TV short season with Game of Thrones (although The Walking Dead franchise clearly has its eyes on the crown), but I’ve got a pitch for ya.  Once the race to win the Iron Throne is over, it’s only logical that you find another big project to turn into your next must see series (forgive me if I don’t think Ballers is going to make your subscriber rates jump) and it really ought to be Harry Potter.  Check this out:  Read the rest of this entry

McFarland, USA movie review


McFarland, USA is a Disney Factory Made© inspirational sports movie that will hold your attention during its 129 minute running time and features no surprises at all.  Read the rest of this entry

The FP movie review


There are hardly any movies like The FP and there are basically no trailers that play like this one, either.  I usually talk about trailers in a separate context, but in this case, I have to point out that I completely missed the point the first time I saw the trailer, by which I mean I got this movie’s genre wrong.  You know how Tommy Wiseau retroactively says The Room is  a comedy and not a drama?  This movie is actually a comedy that is played (and shot) as a straight up drama and it works perfectly.  Additional praise to follow.  Read the rest of this entry

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