"This is degrading... and I love it!"
I know, I know – I’m late to this particular party. But, now that we’ve had plenty of distance from the game and the commercials, I thought this was an opportune time to delve into people spending insane quantities of money to influence us into buying junk.
This was most certainly not one of those Super Bowls where the commercials were the best part of the day – as a Giants fan, I was please to see my team win, and the game was of high quality, too – so win/win!
Hmm… upon further consideration, I would say this year’s crop of Super Bowl commercials didn’t do much at all to get my attention. Here’s the ones I can remember.
Go Daddy did their usually insulting lesbian innuendo. Even Geico knew when to stop running those stupid cave man commercials.
Model Adriana Lima was in two spots: one for Teleflora and one for Kia. I still don’t know what Teleflora is and I still don’t care about Kia.
Speaking of celebrates doing commercials for things I don’t care about, there was Deion Sanders in the Bridgestone and Century 21 commercial – come to think of it, Donald Trump was int he latter, too.
Then there was that 2nd Story Software spot, which compared the relief felt when getting a “TaxACT federal return totally free” to the relief felt when urinating in a pool. Who was sitting there watching a child urinate in a pool and said, “Oh, sweet relief – I know what that’s like.”
When it comes to celebrity endorsements, Pepsi didn’t screw around – Pepsi-Cola gave us a confusing commercial with Elton John and Flava Flav while Pepsi Max dragged Regis Philbin away from whichever bank commercials he’s usually doing.
Oh, and there was a Skechers commercial that ended with a cameo by Mark Cuban – apparently, marketing firms believe we still care about Mark Cuban. And I read something somewhere that this ad either directly or indirectly promotes grey hound racing, but I don’t remember anything about that – just that they wanted me to associate their shoe wear with Mark Cuban, which I think is a mistake. Anyway, let me take a quick time out to remind everyone not to bet or attend dog racing – dog racing is bullshit. If you need to bet on a race, pay your buddies to run around the block and speculate on who will win. (Trust me, this will be much funnier that grey hounds chasing a fake rabbit.)
CareerBuilder, in an effort not to pay writers, brought back its chimpanzees dressed as people – an idea that wasn’t new the first time they did it. Also drawing from the “Hey, what have we done already?” school of advertising was Coca-Cola, who brought back their polar bears, which I like, but doesn’t inspire me to drink more soda. I just like looking at animated polar bears for some reason I can’t explain.
The Skechers spot also raised the hackles of animal activists, who complained that it promoted greyhound racing
Can somebody do something about the etrade baby? Can’t the producers of Look Who’s Talking sue them or something?
Doritos had two different spots: the one where the dog killed the cat and bribed the human witness with Doritos made me sad that a fake cat died, but I’m happy any time a dog talks, so we’ll call this one a draw. However, the old lady and baby vs the kid was just… weird.
Best Buy’s “I created…” series was kinda tiresome after the first few seconds, but any time someone references Alec Baldwin (even if it was that silly Words with Friends incident), I’m on board.
GE’s Clint Eastwood commercial was super controversial; it was the ad everyone was writing about the next day, but it was so… uninteresting that it barely held my attention.
That Honda commercial during which a passionless Matthew Broderick recreates/parodies Ferris Bueller’s Day Off just made me sad. Why in the hell did he agree to do that?
I felt like Metlife was really trying to get my attention with their 56 characters mash up of Hanna-Barbera, Harvey Comics, Looney Tunes and Peanuts, but no, I didn’t get a policy that day or since.
I guess Toyota’s commercial was supposed to be a nod to the gays? If not, then I have no idea what they were doing. I think it was intentionally unclear so it winked at the gay community but didn’t offend the squares.
Chevy’s 2012/end of the world bit just didn’t do it for me. Can we give the apocalypse a rest?
The award for the weirdest shit of the day goes to VOLKSWAGEN. The dog gets in shape… then the weird Star Wars ending melds the end of that commercial with the spot they released a few weeks ago of the dogs barking “Imperial March (Darth Vader’s Theme)” (which was awesome, by the way) with their older Super Bowl spot… I guess. Volkswagen makes me work entirely too hard to understand their marketing.
I guess I’ll have to give the award for the best commercial of the day to ACURA. Their spot concerning Jerry Seinfeld wanting to be the first person to own their new car (Which seemed totally farfetched – what would a multimillionaire like him want with an Acura of all cars? He strikes me as more of a Lamborghini man.) was kinda funny, but they ruined it at the end by having Jay Leno show up.