(If you missed part 1, click here.)
Although I have been known to throw the “lousy traumatic childhood!” card around, I have to admit that there were many ways in which I was blessed. One of these ways was when my grandparents would come down from Jersey to my then Orlando area home, we would get to go to Disney World, and a day at Disney World in the 80s always ended (to my recollection) with the The Main Street Electrical Parade, the most gangsta of all parades. As a child living in greater Orlando, where I don’t recall going to a parade ever, this became my standard for parades.So when I moved to Jersey as a slightly older child, I was surprised to hear about a parade… this was probably for Memorial Day. This and other parades to follow were your basic small town Jersey parade: Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, Cub Scouts, Brownies, a random drum core, local high school marching band, kids who play little league, some bagpipes and the local emergency services would usually bring up the rear, sirens blazing.
I was not impressed.
First of all, why would you hold your parade during the day? That’s an absurd idea. How are you supposed to blow people’s minds with psychedelic colors in the middle of the afternoon? Secondly, you call this music? Where are the Moog synthesizers? And why isn’t crazy shiz happening? Why, I ask you, why? Why isn’t Big Ben in your parade?!?
Most parades have a complete and utter lack of Peter Pan. No random smoke effects, no people wearing strange costumes with big head pieces and certainly no people with tons of lights on their clothes. What happened to this country?
That’s right: I’m a grown man, and I want a rational explanation for why every parade doesn’t have a giant light up green dragon.
I am passionate about many things in this life, and the Main Street Electrical Parade is apparently one of them. (I’ve got some list: my woman, my family, my animals, movies, the Yankees, animal rights, the Main Street Electrical Parade…) I know the SpectroMagic Parade is very similar, but let’s face it – the SpectroMagic music sucks, while The Main Street Electrical Parade music kicks ASS! MAJOR ASS! What’s up with the SpectroMagic theme, anyway? Did we just win a race? Overcome adversity? Shoot the winning shot of an improbable victory in a hockey game against the USSR? Maybe this music works for fireworks, but a parade it about a celebration, about getting pumped, and this music makes me want to… not pay attention to the parade. Suck it, SpectroMagic!
But enough of my yacking. If you’ve never seen the Main Street Electrical Parade, you need to, and if you have seen it, watch it again. Now. Do it now! Watch it!