UPDATE:  2013

I have now switched to a 0-10 scale for scoring movies.  I don’t know why I keep switching… but I do keep switching.  Sorry about that!

UPDATE:  4/4/2012

I have now switched to a 0-100% scale for scoring movies.  Think of it as a grade on a test:

90-100 = A
80-89 = B
70-79 = C
60-69 = D
0-59 = F – an exact number under 59 just illustrates how spectacular the failure was.

OLD SYSTEM:

While I won’t give every book, comic book, movie review or music review a score, I will, at times, break out the old Reviews Rating System.  It’s a 1 through 5 system, 1 being the worst, 5 being the best and may your respective Deity help us if I have to issue someone a zero.  If you’re worried about spoilers or just don’t want to read the review, scroll through the post quickly and you’ll see the score, big as life.

example:

My Rating:  2.5 out of 5

I will try to stick to whole numbers, but I’m not making any promises. Check out the reviews rating system in action at my Rambo post.

• 1 = incomprehensible:  like sitting in traffic, going to the dentist or watching Hulk Hogan in Suburban Commando… or Thunder in Paradise.  I get chills just thinking about it…
• 2 = bad:  the plot feels like something out of the Twilight series…
  “And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…” he murmured.
  I looked away, hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word.
  “What a stupid lamb,” I sighed.
  “What a sick ,masochistic lion.”
  Damn you, tweens!  “As I thrilled to the word?”  Wow.  That’s epic.  She used ‘thrill’ as a verb without an object. That’s great writing.  Just.  Fucking.  Great.  Twilight.
• 3 = average:  it wasn’t great, but it had a beginning, middle and end.
• 4 = good:  better than most, but no one is going to study it for hundreds of years
• 5 = excellent:  you’d sell your grandmother’s false teeth for it